These Uptight Neighbors Are Crying Out for “Karen”-Style Nickname
For all the veneration of neighbors we hear — and not just the ones who are, evidently, like major American insurance companies — having the wrong sort of neighbor named Karen can really be a pain in the ass.
There are as many potentially irritating habits for neighbors to have as there are potential neighbors. Some hoard old junker cars with no tires, others loudly blare music in the middle of the night, or try to proselytize to you every time you walk to the mailbox. Some, evidently, might even call in complaints to the police about you when they feel you’re having sex too loudly. Making matters worse, sometimes the neighbors complaining about you having loud sex are just flat wrong; you’re not having sex at all, much less having loud sex.
Just in case you think that’s the dumbest thing peoples’ irritating neighbors have complained about recently, there’s also the woman who called the cops on her neighbor… because she was dressed inappropriately. (Seriously.)
What will people think to complain about next? Is it a provocation to wear shorts all the time, or only when it’s too cold to wear shorts? How can you hear a headboard banging against the wall when the bed doesn’t have a headboard? Read all about it in Calico’s latest post, “These Uptight Neighbors Are Crying Out for ‘Karen’-Style Nickname
– Calico Rudasill, Sssh.com Award Winning Porn Movies
Read on…
Maybe it’s because I grew up surrounded by acres of open desert, but I’ve never been big on having neighbors too close to me – and it needn’t be this close to be too close.
To be clear, I mean I don’t like it when my neighbors’ houses are too close to mine, not that I resent having a neighbor stand too close to me. (Although, obviously, over the last year or so, that would have been problematic, as well.)
No, Nosey Neighbor Karen, I am NOT a Noisy Neighbor
Another contributing factor to my desire to live at a decent remove from my closest neighbor goes back to my college days, when the old fellow who live next door used to complain about noise he alleged to be coming from my house every night after last call – noise that was, in fact, being made by drunks getting into their cars out on the street in front of my house, and which bothered me every bit as much as my misguided, chronically complaining neighbor.
Anyway, since around the third time I was made to stand in my pajamas while assuring a police officer I hadn’t been the one screaming and carrying on several minutes earlier, I decided that having nearby neighbors is something to be avoided when possible – and living in an apartment building is right out.
I now realize, given what some other folks deal with when it comes to their Karen neighbors, that having someone file repeated false noise complaints is no big deal, in the grand scheme of things. I mean, at least he didn’t file a false sex-noise complaint against me while I was recovering from back surgery.
The best part about the sex-noise complaint linked above is that it includes the detail about a headboard banging against the wall, while bed in question has no headboard.
Say, that makes me wonder: This complaint wasn’t written by an adherent of the “Pizza Gate” conspiracy theory, was it?
Karen: Don’t Like My Outfit? I Suggest Fucking Off
Amazingly, the false sex-noise complaint mentioned above has a legit rival in the competition for Lamest Neighbor’s Complaint of the Month award – and news of it comes from a TikTok user with the amazing handle “Rovi Wade.”
Rovi recently posted a clip to TikTok of herself speaking to a police officer, who had been called out because Rovi’s neighbor felt she was dressed inappropriately.
“I am fully dressed, she just doesn’t like my style,” Rovi tells the off-screen officer.
To be fair, the story here is a little more complicated than “uptight neighbor looks out window, sees scantily clad Rovi, calls cops” – but only a little.
According to Rovi Karen, she was “outside, filming, I was dancing in the street and I was just having a good time doing my thing.”
“We were being very respectful, we weren’t in anybody’s way, there wasn’t really anyone outside to see us,” Rovi added. “And then we were kind of standing on the curb, watching some footage we had just filmed and then my neighbor comes out and she’s like, ‘I know you guys are probably doing this for your business, but this is inappropriate, I have children.’”
Ah, there it is: Won’t somebody PLEASE think of the children!
“And I was like ‘your children aren’t even out here’ and she’s like ‘I have windows and they can see you,’” Rovi further explained. “So, I politely told her to close her blinds because I had every right to be there, it was public property and she was basically telling me that I had to listen to her and I said no.”
“I’m Allowed to Exist and Be Hot”
There was, of course, a viral-friendly kicker to Karen Rovi’s comments.
“I told her, my body offends you, that’s what the issue is – and I’m allowed to exist and be hot and I’m gonna continue to do so.”
Unsurprisingly, some TikTok users are now encouraging Rovi to simplify the line, truncating it down to and subsequently trademarking “I’m Allowed to be Hot” then market products with that slogan emblazoned on them.
Whatever you may think of that marketing plan’s merits, it’s certainly a better idea than calling the cops on your neighbor because you don’t like the length of her cutoff jeans-shorts, don’t you think?
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