Acclaimed Sexologist & Sex Therapist Cyndi Darnell Releases New Book ‘Sex When You Don’t Feel Like It’

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Acclaimed Sexologist & Sex Therapist Cyndi Darnell Releases New Book ‘Sex When You Don’t Feel Like It: The Truth About Mismatched Libido & Rediscovering Desire’ (June 2022)

Cyndi Darnell
LOS ANGELES, Calif. – May 16, 2022 – World-renowned sexologist and sex therapist Cyndi Darnell’s debut book, Sex When You Don’t Feel Like It: The Truth About Mismatched Libido & Rediscovering Desire will be published by Rowman & Littlefield and released in June 2022. This important and perfectly timed book gets straight to the truth about pleasure and desire to offer a reliable game-changing guide to navigating passion, desire, and pleasure.
 
Mismatched desire in relationships is the No. 1 reason couples seek the help of sexuality professionals. Traditionally seen as a “woman’s problem,” fluctuating desire is something experienced by people of all genders yet often misunderstood and rarely discussed openly – and Darnell’s Sex When You Don’t Feel Like It is here to change that.
 
With a compassionate and straightforward tone, Darnell provides readers with evidence-based information matched with countless prompts, practices, and reflections to help them understand what they’re feeling, why they feel stuck, what they really want, and how to get there.
 
“I’ve worked with countless people and couples over the past 25 years, and sexual desire remains one of the most misunderstood topics we discuss together,” Darnell said. “People have always struggled with issues related to both low and high libido, and its impact on relationships is palpable. Though sexual desire has historically been viewed as something ‘natural,’ people continue to struggle to ‘get in the mood,’ and it’s high time we consider whether it’s not desire itself that’s the problem, but how we relate to it.”
                  
Excerpts and interviews are available! Darnell is now scheduling dates for her digital book tour and is available for podcasts, radio interviews, digital workshops, and offering expert opinion for mass media! A press sheet is attached and included below.
 
Please send media inquiries to anne@annehodder.com.
 
To request a review copy, please contact Rowman & Littlefield at pr@rowman.com.
 
For more information about Sex When You Don’t Feel Like It: The Truth About Mismatched Libido & Rediscovering Desire please visit https://cyndidarnell.com/book/.
 
This is the latest project from Darnell since the launch of her acclaimed The Atlas of Erotic Anatomy & Arousal,” the world’s first online video course teaching people about pleasure anatomy, which is now used in educational institutions worldwide. Originally from Australia, Darnell is a two-time recipient of prestigious O1 visa for “aliens of extraordinary ability” to conduct her sexuality work in the U.S. She was named one of MindBody Green’s 2015 top 100 Women in Wellness and she served as the lead consultant and sex therapist for ABC Australia’s Luke Warm Sex Series. 
 
About Cyndi Darnell: Cyndi Darnell is a clinical sexologist, author, and sex and relationship therapist with more than 20 years’ experience in Australia, the U.S., and the UK. Based in NYC, her global consulting practice is rooted in clinical and somatic interventions that help people reclaim pleasure, navigate intimacy, and transform shame and stuckness into freedom and joy.
 
Her academic works are published in Journal of Sexual & Relationship Therapy, Journal of Sex Education and multiple popular media outlets worldwide. She offers online courses about sex and pleasure, and consults to individuals, couples and polycules globally. www.cyndidarnell.com
  

Advance Praise for Sex When You Don’t Feel Like It: The Truth About Mismatched Libido & Rediscovering Desire:

 
In Sex When You Don’t Feel Like It, Cyndi Darnell brings both powerful insight and useful tools to one of the most widely acknowledged issues in modern day relationships. For high & low desire partners alike, and people of all genders, this book is set to be my go-to recommendation for couples struggling with mismatched libido.​ ​Definitely add this to your must-read list.”  
– Emily Morse, creator + founder, “Sex With Emily” podcast
 
“With disarming good humor and the kind of frank language you’d want to hear from someone talking to you about what the hell is going on with your sex drive, Cyndi Darnell asks the right questions to help unlock the dusty, old attic you’ve kept your erotic desires locked up in. And she does this for you no matter your gender, sexuality, age, or relationship status. Um, wow.”
— Kate Bornstein, author of Gender Outlaw
 
“This is the book I’ve been waiting for! Cyndi Darnell shatters the myth of ‘normal’ sex, and cuts through the blame-and-shame game of mismatched desires in this essential, optimistic book. Whatever your gender identity, sexual preferences, or relationship style, you’ll delight in Cyndi’s no-nonsense, humor-filled approach to sex—no platitudes, no diagnoses, no right and wrong. Just a get-real guide to expanding your vision of your own sexuality and sharing it with others with meaning, joy, and ease.”
— Barbara Carrellas, author of Urban Tantra: Sacred Sex for the Twenty-First Century and Ecstasy is Necessary
 

Medical Study Reveals Health Benefits of Vibrator Use

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Medical Study Reveals Health Benefits of Vibrator Use

vibrator

A new study presented this week at the annual meeting of the American Urological Association revealed that use of vibrators and other sex toys could have a variety of health benefits.

The study was led by Dr. Alexandra Dubinskaya from Cedar-Sinai Medical Center, with the researchers reviewing the current literature on the subject, Newsweek reported today.

“As a urogynecologist, I spend my time discussing with women their genital and sexual health,” Dubinskaya told Newsweek. “It is often shared that no medical professional ever spoke to them about their sex life, nor their solo sexual experiences.”

Dubinskaya explained that while there is “a stigma associated with masturbation and vibrators, at the same time the concept of ‘if you don’t use it you lose it’ is well-understood and applied to other parts of the body. This concept has not been applied to the pelvic floor, genitourinary or sexual health. I wanted to learn more information on this topic, thus created the literature review.”

The researchers probed the effect of vibrator use on sexual function, pelvic floor dysfunction and vulvar pain, Newsweek noted, and “identified 558 articles containing relevant keywords and then whittled this number down to 21 papers that met all of their criteria for the issues they wanted to study.”

The relevant studies showed an “overall positive attitude towards vibrator use among women and an acceptance of receiving vibrators from medical providers,” the researcher told Newsweek.

The studies also “showed that vibrator use had a positive effect in several areas of women’s health, including improvements in urinary incontinence and pelvic floor muscle strength, as well as easing vulvar pain,” the article added.

“I am not surprised by the findings,” Dubinskaya told Newsweek. “It is my belief that there are many other benefits of vibrator use which we are probably unfamiliar with yet.”

Edible Underwear Humor: “Eat My Shorts,” Indeed!

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Edible Underwear Humor: “Eat My Shorts,” Indeed!

– Calico Rudasill at Sssh.com

edible underwear sale

I can still remember the first time I heard the term “edible underwear.” I was not quite yet a teenager, trying to pretend that I was aloofly reading a sci-fi novel while listening in on a conversation between my older sister and Rhonda, one of her more sexually precocious friends.

“Have you tried wearing edible underwear?” Rhonda said in a tone akin to that of a whisper, except it was several decibels too loud to be described as such. “That might get him to give it a try!”

My sister quickly shushed Rhonda, pointing nervously in my direction. The two then relocated to the far side of the house to continue their closed-to-younger-siblings discussion.

In My Defense, Edible Underwear Knowledge Was Much Harder to Come By Back Then

I would later learn that the conversation was about my older sister’s frustration that her then-boyfriend nearly insisted on receiving oral sex, while steadfastly refusing to offer her any of the same. Quite understandably, neither my sister nor Rhonda was willing to explain that to me at the time, so I was left to ponder the mysteries of the term “edible underwear” on my own.

For younger readers, I should note this conversation took place decades before the existence of Google, so finding out what edible underwear was (and more to the point, why it exists) was not a touch-of-a-button operation like it is today.

Our Encyclopedia Brittanica set was no help at all. Thankfully, somehow, even as a thoroughly clueless pre-teen, I had the sense to realize anything over which my older sister and Rhonda had seen fit to exert their right to privacy was not the sort of subject about which I should ask my mother.

OK, But Why Are They In the ‘Sporting Goods’ Section?

Eventually, I learned what edible underwear was about from some (evidently otherwise quite forgettable) early 1980s comedy movie whose name escapes me now. Honestly, it wasn’t the epiphany I’d hoped for – but it did explain why my sister had shushed Rhonda with such alacrity.

These days, thanks to the Internet, I know a great deal more about edible underwear than I ever imagined I would, from which varieties taste best (and worst) to the fact that I can get myself a pair of edible, crotchless strawberry “gummy panties” at Walmart, of all places.

Stylish, Effective – And Now 15% Less Sticky Than Edible Version 1.0!

edible underwearDespite all this wonderful knowledge I have now acquired, I’ve never worn, chewed through, dipped in ranch dressing, or otherwise made use of edible underwear. But that doesn’t mean I can’t get excited at the prospect of an important innovation in the field!

I’m speaking, of course, of underwear that can protect against sexually-transmitted infections during oral sex.

“The Food and Drug Administration has authorized the panties to be considered protection against infections that can be transmitted from the vagina or anus during oral sex,” reports Pam Belluck for The New York Times, adding that this is “a first for underwear.”

I’ll admit, I have a few questions – mostly involving the logistics of sucking a penis through layers of “latex that’s about as thin as condom material and forms a seal on the inside of the thigh to keep fluids in.” I have some flavor-related questions, as well, like whether I can get these undies in strawberry (or better yet, Neopolitan) and a host of other queries not addressed by the Times article.

In any event, I’m encouraged by reading that in response to customer feedback, “the company lessened the intensity of the vanilla taste, added more cornstarch to prevent stickiness and will introduce a sheer version in addition to the current opaque black version.”

Mmmm, more cornstarch.

My last question, which honestly is not that important, as it is mostly a matter of my own convenience: Will I be able to get these undies at Walmart, too?

More unusual sex toy info at sssh.com. Click Here.

 

Sex At Work: My Work-From-Home Benefits Package Is Missing the ‘Package’ Part

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Sex At Work:  My Work-From-Home Benefits Package Is Missing the ‘Package’ Part

– Calico Rudasill, Sssh.com porn movies for women

sex at work

As someone who had been working from home for many years prior to the start of the COVID-19 pandemic, it has been interesting to hear from people for whom the pandemic marked their first real experience with remote work.

If you go looking for articles on remote work, you’ll quickly find plenty to choose from outlining the advantages and disadvantages of working from home, arguments in favor of employers offering workers the option and arguments against the same.

As is my wont, I’m going to focus on one of the more overlooked positives to working from home – and then complain bitterly and at length about how this positive aspect hasn’t worked out as well for me as it should.

Beds Typically Are More Comfortable Than Conference Tables and Bathroom Stalls

First, let’s address the oft-overlooked benefit to which I refer: Working from home, theoretically at least, makes the lunchtime quickie a much easier to execute maneuver.

The reasons for this are legion and obvious. If you work at an office, or in a warehouse, while it might be possible to slip away into a nearby supply closet, storage room or executive parking space to knock boots with a coworker, it’s also a very high risk move. All it takes is one of your coworkers running out of staples and – boom! – off comes the top on your secret workplace romance.

To be clear, even if you happen to be out of the (supply) closet about your workplace romance and you’re openly dating a coworker, this doesn’t mean you can just have a quick shag on the premises with no worries. Outside of a few, highly unusual workplaces, something tells me the boss might still frown upon you leaving behind bodily fluids on the company’s stacks of post-it notes and such.

If you work from home, slipping away for a quickie is mostly a matter of coming up with an excuse to be away from the keyboard – which, provided you’re willing to sacrifice your lunch hour, is as easy as typing “stepping away for lunch, back soon.”

Even On a Legit Break, It Takes Two To Tango

There’s a catch here, of course: If you work from home alone, while your partner is off dealing with tangled network cables, or flipping greasy burgers, or clandestinely assassinating heads of state while pretending to be a milquetoast accountant, or whatever it is your partner does for a living, then you’re probably not going to be having much more sex while working from home than you did while working in an office right across the hall from your very nosey, very attentive boss.

Which brings us to the part where I complain bitterly.

By all rights, as someone who has worked from home since around the midpoint of Obama’s second term, I figure I should have amassed at least a thousand lunchtime quickies by now – maybe two thousand, depending on my husband’s stamina, recovery time and tolerance for friction burns on the head of his penis.

But noooooo, Mr. Someone-Has-To-Pay-The-More-Expensive-Bills-Around-Here has decided that just because he feels some irrational, neurotic, possibly pathological need to avoid abject poverty, he’s going to be “out in the field” the entire time his employers pay him to be.

Granted, he does come home for lunch twice a week and his diet on those days generally does consist primarily of my genital region. But I’ve been around long enough to know that two out of five is less than five out of five – and by my count, there are five weekdays, which means I’m receiving 150% less lunchtime pleasure than I should be.

(OK, my math there might not be perfect, but in my defense, this is emotional math, which is quite different from standard math.)

Additional Questions for Consideration

If you’re weighing the pros and cons of working from home and the convenience of lunchtime sex is part of your equation, be sure to ask yourself these questions in crafting your analysis: 

– Does my partner also work from home?

– If not, does my partner work close to home?

– Is my partner good at offering excuses to his boss?

– Does my partner have enough money saved up at this point that he should really just retire and stay home to be my lunchtime fuck toy, if and when I need him?

If you answered yes to any of those questions, then working from home just might be for you!

More Sex At Work Movies at Sssh.com – Click Here

 

Sex Disruptor Pets: This List is Missing a Few Species

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Sex Disruptor Pets: This List is Missing a Few Species

– Calico Rudasill, Sssh.com Porn Movies For Women

crazy cat lady

I can’t count how many times I’ve been asked whether I’m a “dog person” or a “cat person” – a dichotomy I thoroughly reject, as someone who loves both cats and dogs and is equally comfortable with the idea of becoming the Crazy Cat Lady or That Woman Who Walks a Whole Pack of Dogs through the Neighborhood.

I also think the dog person/cat person question ignores a big universe of non-feline and non-canine pet types that people who are asked this question might enjoy, from horses and tropical fish to all manner of rodents, reptiles and raptors

It’s a Dog-Eats-Dog World – Unless You Have a Komodo Dragon. Then It’s a Dragon-Eats-Dog World

To be clear, whether I think it’s a good idea to own these other animal types as pets (or fair, or one bit enjoyable to the animal involved) is another question altogether, of course. That’s not the point, though; the point is that people can keep these other types of animals as pets, so I think it would be considerate of us to include them in our “would you rather” type considerations.

On the other hand, I suppose it’s not particularly convenient (or desirable) to have someone try to slip in a conversation starter that takes seven minutes to complete. As such, I probably shouldn’t encourage people to go around asking “Are you more of a dog person, cat person, ferret person, horse person, Komodo dragon person, red panda person, coatimundi person, wolverine person…” etc., because if we start doing that, we’re just never going to get anything done around here.

At Least Goldfish Don’t Jump into Bed with You (Not More Than Once, At Least)

I’m stuck on pet types today after coming across a (very cute) list that ranks popular pet types based on the extent to which they will disrupt your sex life. The list makes some excellent points, including the observation that the miniature pony is unlikely to disrupt your sex life much at all, because it is “out in the yard, minding its business.”

“It wants no part in your relations and, frankly, is a little affronted that you would even ask,” note the list’s authors, Emma Brewer and Parisa Karami.

The list covers a far broader range than the cat person/dog person question, but certainly isn’t comprehensive in scope. And while one might be tempted to assume certain traits would neatly transfer from one species to another, such that my hypothetical Komodo dragon pet might have the “glassy eyes” of the dreaded goldfish that tops the list as the most sex-life-disruptive pet, my sense is that a dragon might prefer sitting on the heat of my front porch, where there’s not only more sun and warmth, but the occasional postal employee to scare the shit out of and possibly even bite.

As for mice and rats, I think the extent of their disruptiveness would depend largely on environmental factors and practical considerations. Is the mouse caged in glass? If so, does it at least have a wheel to keep it busy, or is it so bored that it can be expected to gaze longingly at all nearby physical activity, human sexual conduct included?

Lyre, Lyre, Pants No Longer on Fire

Given my experience with species that mimic sounds, I think the prospective pet with the highest potential to disrupt my sex life is the lyrebird. It’s not that I would find the lyrebird’s own songs and calls to be distracting or unpleasant, it’s that the bird would inevitably begin mimicking the sounds my husband and I make during sex – and hearing that mess come from our own mouths and bodies is bad enough. The last thing I need when nearing climax is to hear that squishing, slurping, slapping, sighing cacophony amplified by an avian expert in impersonation.

You know, the more I think about this, the more I think I’ll stick to cats and dogs. Sure, they’ll impose themselves inconveniently on my sexual bliss from time to time, but at least they can’t fly.

Humor: Gee, I’m SHOCKED That Didn’t Improve Your Sex Life

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Humor: Gee, I’m SHOCKED That Didn’t Improve Your Sex Life

– Calico Rudasill, Sssh.com porn for women

sex life

Before meeting the man who would later become my husband, I had only been in two other relationships I would categorize as “serious.” To be perfectly honest, I’m not sure how seriously I took those relationships, even while they were in effect, but they still qualify as serious because they were relatively long, involved some degree of cohabitation and ended with the kind of angst and drama that defy “casual” as a descriptor.

Communicating About Sex is Important, But Not Without Risk

One of the primary reasons the latter of those two relationships collapsed was sexual incompatibility. Somewhat oddly, this incompatibility was something that developed over time, as what began as a reasonably satisfying sex live for both of us descended into a kind of ritual of resentment and mutual aloofness.

At one point, I tried to confront the glowering, frustrated elephant in the room by engaging Dylan, my then-boyfriend, in a constructive conversation about our sex life and what had gone wrong with it. To put it mildly, this didn’t go well.

From the outset, Dylan’s response was to react as though I was blaming the declining quality of our sex life on him, even though I began by expressly asking if there was something I was doing – or not doing – that was making him enjoy the sex less.

Finally, Dylan just blurted it out: “I don’t want to be an asshole” – a statement that, in my experience, always presages the person who just said being an asshole – “but sex with Jess (his fairly recent ex) was just better. Way better, actually.”

Wow, Dylan. Good thing you mentioned that you don’t want to be an asshole, because that sure was a rock-solid impersonation of one.

Allow Me This Brief Rebuttal: GTFO.

As a person who often advises people that communicating with their partners about sex is the best way to assure an optimal sexual relationship, it’s important for me to acknowledge that communicating with your partner about sex is, on occasion, the surest way to end that sex life, altogether.

That’s what my conversation with Dylan became – the end of our sex life and our broader relationship. The issue wasn’t so much that I was hurt by him saying sex with his ex was better; it was the knowledge that he knew it would hurt me to hear it, knew it wouldn’t benefit our sex life at all, and the motherfucker just went ahead and said it anyway.

Naturally, as soon as I told Dylan he could take his things and immediately remove himself from my house (I paid the rent while he invented new ways to not get a job on a monthly basis), he did that irritating thing many guys who have just fucked up very badly do: get all tearful, swear on his mother’s life that he didn’t mean it and literally beg me to reconsider what was, unfortunately for Dylan, a very final decision.

Ultimately, even though in the short term it led to much weeping and gnashing of horribly spoiled, deeply entitled teeth, communicating with Dylan about our sex life was still a good thing to do. The conversation hastened that useless lout’s departure from my world and cleared the way for kinder and more sensitive (and sensible) partners to follow.

Your Ex’s Name Isn’t Dylan, By Chance?

The reason Dylan and his no good, very bad approach to communicating with me about our sex life has come to mind for me is a recent letter to the Washington Post’s Carolyn Hax, in which the letter writer plays the Dylan to her partner’s me, so to speak.

“I recently told my partner that sex with them has never been as good as sex with my ex,” writes a woman who identifies herself as Angela. “I was angry and I wanted to hurt them and I said it. Maybe I enjoyed telling them that, too. It made me feel sexy.”

Don’t tell me, Angela, let me guess: Telling your partner this has benefited neither your sex life nor your relationship in general, right?

“Now I regret it, because they haven’t been able to enjoy sex with me since,” Angela continues.

No way. Color me shocked.

“They keep trying, but it always falls apart, because they assume that, during sex, I am thinking of how I would rather be with my ex.”

Well, where would they ever have gotten that crazy idea? Oh… Right.

“Is there a way to fix this?”

Good question, Angela. Only one idea comes immediately to mind, but before I offer the suggestion, an important question: Do you still have your ex’s number saved in your phone?

More Sex Tips at Sssh.com – Click Here

 

Lady Spiders: Boy, Have I Got an Underdog Kink Suggestion for You!

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Lady Spiders: Boy, Have I Got a Kink Suggestion for You!

– Calico Rudasill, Sssh.com

underdog

Typically, I’m one to root for the underdog. Is California Baptist University playing Duke in the NCAA tournament? You better believe I’m pulling for CBU. Go Baptists! 

What’s that you say? CBU are called the “Lancers”, not the Baptists? That’s a shame; I quite like the idea of rooting for the “Mighty Baptists”, or the “Fightin’ Baptists”, or possibly the “Certainly Not Dancing Baptists.”

Why Do We Root for the Underdog?

Where was I? Oh yes: Rooting for the underdog. 

I’m hardly unique in this proclivity, of course. There’s a variety of theories as to why it’s commonplace, each of which has its own merits. Personally, I think the reason I root for underdogs is that I’m not entirely sure what an “overdog” is, other than it sounds like the sort of pet Friedrich Nietzsche might have owned.

The true difficulty comes when two teams I don’t like are playing each other. What’s a Liverpool-supporting girl to do, for example, when Manchester United faces off against Everton? I’m not ghoulish enough to hope their team buses collide and burst into flames on the way to Old Trafford, after all. Thankfully, at least in league games, there’s always the possibility of a draw that will leave both their fan bases at least somewhat miserable.

Exceptions to the Rule

There are exceptions to my tendency to root for the underdog. If Arizona State is predicted to lose a basketball game by 10 points, I don’t suddenly become an ASU fan – I put my energy into hoping they lose by 20.

I will also pull for the team favored by Las Vegas if I simply identify more with that team than I do with their opponents. This brings me to latest squad I’ve decided to back – the Fightin’ Lady Spiders.

While it’s not true that much-maligned lady spiders, like black widows, always kill (and/or eat) their mates after sex, they do it often enough that I don’t think black widows can complain too much about their reputations.

I’ve always admired this trait in certain lady spiders, even if I can only think of about a half dozen former lovers I would have murdered, had I the ability to just sting them and be done with it. To be honest, I don’t think I would have eaten any of them, because the only parts of them I put in my mouth didn’t taste particularly good.

In Every Contest, Tactics Evolve

As it turns out, some male spiders aren’t real into being eaten and have developed a technique for avoiding this fate. As reported by Gizmodo, these male spiders “launch themselves at great speed off their cannibalistic female partners, to avoid being eaten after copulating.” Gizmodo adds that the “way they make their egress is similar to the mechanism at play in catapults.”

You’ve got to hand it to these spider-fellows, because as means of avoiding post-coital cuddling go, that technique far more effective than simply telling someone you have to work first thing in the morning. I’m sure more than one man I’ve been with wished he could have simply launched himself out my bedroom window upon completion of the deed – possibly not even waiting until he’d finished ejaculating.

On the other hand, I’m sure the lady spiders involved have solid reasons for killing their mates, when they do so. Maybe that mate is an abusive jerk. Maybe he refuses to do his part around the web. Maybe he’s been sleeping with other lady spiders on the sly, catapulting from place to place like a true Spida Playa.

A Countermove to the Countermove

The good news is, I have a solution for these lady spiders, one that I think is absolutely made for them. To defeat this catapulting nonsense, lady spiders simply need to embrace the practice of bondage. Heck, they even have the ability to spin their own rope!

Granted, the lady spiders will also need to persuade their mates to give bondage a shot – and given that these guys are already wary enough to have evolved this catapulting ability, it sounds like there might be some sticky trust issues to overcome…

 

Algospeak. It’s Official: I’m Even Older than I Thought

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Algospeak. It’s Official: I’m Even Older than I Thought

by Calico Rudasill, Sssh.com Porn For Women

algospeak

Unlike some of my age-peer friends, I’ve never tried to “stay current” with things like pop culture, fashion, slang, social media hashtags or my annual physical checkups and recommended health screenings.

While I’m trying to be better about those last two things above, one of my nieces recently assured me that she unreservedly endorses the idea of me remaining openly clueless about all things millennial and ‘Gen Z’, from the music younger folks like to the lingo they use.

That said, I’m not completely out of touch – but that’s mostly because certain things haven’t changed much over the last 20 years. People still routinely use acronyms like LOL, SMDH, STFU, TLDR and GJKLOAHBPRSIT.

What’s that? You’re not familiar with the acronym “GJKLOAHBPRSIT”? It could be that you’re unfamiliar with the term because I just made it up on the spot right now. On the other hand, maybe the term is very meaningful, extremely funny and something you should google right now, if only because you’re going to experience significant FOMO until and unless you do so.

Algospeak: Lingo to Flummox Computer-Brains

A recent article for the Washington Post by Taylor Lorenz made me realize just how out of touch I have become with the language used by younger folks – specifically, the language used by younger folks when those younger folks are trying to get around algorithmic content filters.

This phenomenon, evidently, is called “algospeak” – which, to be clear, isn’t an acronym that stands for “All Leather Green Orangutan Still Preening Effortlessly Alaskan Ketchup.”

“Algospeak refers to code words or turns of phrase users have adopted in an effort to create a brand-safe lexicon that will avoid getting their posts removed or down-ranked by content moderation systems,” Lorenz helpfully explains. “For instance, in many online videos, it’s common to say ‘unalive’ rather than ‘dead,’ ‘SA’ instead of ‘sexual assault,’ or ‘spicy eggplant’ instead of ‘vibrator.’”

Among other things, this explains why my niece kept giggling the last time we went out for Chinese food, every time someone asked her to pass the eggplant.

According to the article, other algospeak code words include “nip nops” (nipples), corn emjois to indicate ‘porn’, “le dollar bean” (lesbian), “accountant” (sex worker), “leg booty” (LGBTQ) and terms like “panini” and “panda express” as stand-ins for “pandemic.”

Click Here for Hot Le Dollar Bean {Corn Emoji}!

Always quick to spot a theme – or to impose one of my own if there’s no organic theme to be had – I can’t help but notice that a fair percentage of these code words apply to things sex-and-sexuality-related. 

On the one hand, this fact saddens me greatly. I mean, people shouldn’t have to speak in code to have honest conversations about things like… well, you know… their pee-pees and their hoo-hoos.

On the other hand, I also can’t help but notice how bizarre a description of a lesbian porn scene would become, if rendered in algospeak.

Imagine, for example, that a traditional gonzo porn studio – one of those outfits that isn’t too concerned with sex positivity or political correctness – decided to use algospeak to describe a new scene. I imagine it coming out something like this:

“Don’t miss the hottest le dollar bean {corn emoji} scene released since before the start of the panini! Watch as Lilly Licksit straps on a spicy eggplant and gives it to her partner, rising star accountant Dolly Doumi! Once Dolly has had her fill, she returns the favor by slurping Lilly’s nip nops! Join now to watch the very best le dollar bean seggs ever flitzed on the impterwobs!”

See? Isn’t that more fun than actual gonzo porn text, like: “Chloe Temple and her girlfriend Kenzie entered a contest to have Adriana Chechik come to their house and teach them how to squirt. When they end up winning, Adriana comes over and covers everyone in squirt.”

Booo-ring. Wouldn’t it be more fun to read about Adriana coming over to teach Chloe and Kenzie how to “squander,” or to “squizzle,” or perhaps even to “sasquatch”?

You know what? For the first time since I became a middle-aged person, I find myself wanting to get a better command of the jargon of younger folks. Maybe some helpful Gen Z’er can give me a few tips if I cluck the blink in her lio?

Women Empowerment and the Rise of Gentlemen Escorts

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Women Empowerment and the Rise of Gentlemen Escorts

Today, we would like to explore the relationship between women’s empowerment, trust, self-expression, and the male escort industry.

What do these concepts have in common with one another? 

male escort

Let’s Talk Empowerment

“Empowerment” and “emancipation” are massive topics of today’s discourse. But with so many groups tossing their definitions of these terms, it’s good to clear things up now and then.

If we look at recent history, there have been significant changes regarding feminine freedom and sexuality. 

The 20th century – especially the second half – has seen uprisings, protests, and revolutions worldwide. Of course, objections always arise from deep dissatisfaction. And there was plenty to be dissatisfied about – there still is.

Let’s look at the late ‘60s and early ‘70s, for example.

One of the most significant changes that occurred during that time was the sexual revolution. It marked a turning point for how gendered behavior and relations between sexes would play out. We’ve seen the normalization of pornography, homosexuality, and the “scariest” of all – premarital sex.

When we speak of empowerment, we discuss who has a say in how individuals live their lives. Is it the individual, a corporation, a political party, or the entire community?

Until that point, millions of people had to follow someone else’s rules.

Fighting for empowerment means fighting for an individual’s right to live their life according to their values. It means being able to seek satisfaction and happiness while being free from judgment. 

In other words – it’s about being in control.

The few centuries leading up to the sexual revolution were beyond traditional. People adopted conservative mindsets and just conformed to what they were told to believe – and these beliefs included things like:

Masturbation is evil. Women’s sexuality only serves to satisfy men. Women don’t belong in the workplace. Men shouldn’t show emotion.

These ideas have been abandoned long since. Granted, there are still people with such beliefs, but let’s be honest – they’re dying out.

Why Freedom Of Expression Matters

Given what we’ve discussed so far, it’s no surprise that being in control of your own life leads to better life satisfaction. Letting people unapologetically be themselves makes them happier. 

What a shocker, huh?

Knowing who and what you are is crucial to living a happy life. It suggests that you understand what you want and don’t want – what you’ll allow and where you draw the line. 

Unfortunately, many still have a hard time realizing this and being themselves. 

Sometimes it’s hard knowing what you want – especially if you’ve been listening to other people about what you should like or dislike for so long.

But that’s what we’re here to talk about today.

Let’s dive into how you can start exploring your boundaries, regain confidence – and take back control over your relationships. That’s something empowered women utilize to the fullest, and it is becoming increasingly popular by the day.

Enter: Gentlemen for hire and the male escort industry.

Who Are Gentlemen For Hire?

Hang on,” you might be thinking, “what do male escorts have to do with empowerment?

Great question! Although obvious to some, it might require explanation. So, let’s start at the top: 

Who are gentlemen for hire?

The male escort industry is currently dealing with a few public misconceptions. The thing is: 

There have been many changes regarding escorts and companionships – how they work, what’s expected of them, and what kind of people work as escorts are topics that have been discussed and revisited a lot lately.

Namely, escorts don’t necessarily provide sexual services. Nor do they work with just anyone.

When we say “gentlemen for hire,” we talk about straight men, whose clientele primarily involves assertive, career-oriented, single ladies. 

Why Empowered Women Hire Companions

Why do these women hire male escorts? Because of how the service works!

Male escorts – and companionships in general – are very convenient. In this case, women simply hire an escort they fancy and take them out on a date. 

The best part is that the clients control every aspect of the date. Where you’ll be meeting, where you’re going, and for how long – everything is under the woman’s control. 

You see, these men are professionals in social dynamics and client satisfaction. Women will hire them as their “+1” for various events and occasions – from corporate functions, parties, or casual dates to weddings.

Suppose you’ve ever had an idea of your ideal date – where you’d like to go, what movie to watch, what to talk about. And not only that – it’s always available, too.

The concept is simple – the woman meets her date, and they have a wonderful time. Once the date’s over, the client pays for the service. The two can bid each other a fond farewell – and that’s it!

Some of you may find this a bit too convenient. You may be looking for a caveat. But there is none: 

Male escort services come with absolutely no strings attached.

Other Benefits Of Hiring Escorts

Convenience is great and all – but there is more to escort services. Unlike sexual escorts, these men do not – and will not – engage in any sexual activities with their clients.

They provide a different service – emotional availability, dedication, and respect—all just a phone call away.

Getting acquainted with an escort can help women work on their boundaries. Since you control the flow of the date, you can change your mind at any time, and your companion will follow suit. After all, it’s their job to give you the best time possible.

And they’re pretty good at it.

As long as you’re happy, they’re so glad. 

Conclusion

It’s often easy to lose sight of ourselves when going through bad times. Break-ups hurt and could leave us feeling lost – or make it challenging to develop intimate trust for someone again.

So, maybe having a companion you have complete confidence in and in front of whom you can unapologetically be yourself can be a step towards recovery.

Male escorts work hand-in-hand with empowered women to shift concepts of what relationships can be – and what men and women can be, essentially. 

It’s through this beautiful cooperation that we gain newfound appreciation and respect.