Sex Humor! Do We Get $9000 If We Test 24 Mattresses?

Sex Humor! Do We Get $9000 If We Test 24 Mattresses?

Even before COVID-19 tore through the global economy, a lot of people were turning to the gig economy and “side hustles” like driving for Uber to make ends meet. Things have only gotten tougher since, as the shutdowns and public health measures drag on, taking lots of jobs and opportunities away in the process.

The good news, for a very, very limited number of couples, is there’s a company offering people the opportunity to make a decent chunk of change for doing something they (hopefully) enjoy doing anyway — having sex!

No, it’s not a porn company recruiting new talent, or research scientists who will hook electrodes to your genitals in the name of science; it’s a company that researches sleep and products designed to help you sleep.

Before applying to be part of this research, Calico has some questions, as she always does. Chief among those questions is whether go-getter couples like her own can earn more money by doubling (or even tripling) up on their research and experimentation burden.

Has Calico found her perfect side hustle? Will her husband embrace the idea of being paid to have sex? Do the test mattresses come with matching pillow cases and comforters? Will there, in fact, be any electrode-to-genital contact here? To get the full scoop, check out Calico’s latest post, “Do We Get $9000 If We Test 24 Mattresses?”

by Calico Rudasill, Award Winning Adult Movies

sex Mattresses

Read on…

In the age of the Gig Economy, a great many Americans are looking for side hustles of one sort or another. And with California’s AB5 making it hard for the likes of Uber to do business in that state, it’s probably safe to say even more people will be seeking new and different ways to generate additional income in the months and years ahead.

What to do? Donate plasma? Open a stand selling homegrown squash at the local farmer’s market? Maybe those ubiquitous comment-section spam things about how “Sheila makes $8000 a month working from home” are worth a second look?

Well, what if I told you there’s a company that will pay you to have sex? Better yet, this company won’t even require that they be allowed to shoot a video of your sexual encounter that will inevitably find its way to Pornhub!

Finally, I Can Get Paid for Having Sex with My Husband!

Sleep Standards, a company that says it is “inspiring better sleep by providing research-based sleep health advice, actionable sleep tips and unbiased sleep product reviews,” recently posted about a ‘dream job’ for couples. The gist of the job is this: “We’ll send you a new mattress every week and all you have to do is give us your honest reviews on how good that mattress is for sex.” 

“That’s right, you can get paid for doing what you do in your regular everyday life – Sex!” the company added in its post.

Sleep Standards says the goal here is “to find the best mattress for sex,” which I think is a laudable goal, regardless of how one goes about it. Where I have concerns, however, is with the limited nature of their experiment, such as it is.

The company says it’s going to select five couples to try out a different bed every week for eight weeks. While I get that giving each couple $3000 and the mattress of their choice would add up quickly from Sleep Standards’ perspective, I’m not persuaded that five couples is enough to truly represent the diversity of bed-owning spouse-fuckers out there in this great country of ours.

Questions, Questions, Questions….

My concerns about Sleep Standards’ methodology notwithstanding, this is a side hustle I can definitely get behind – especially if it means I get to peg my husband doggie style as part of these mattress tests. Before I sign up, I do have some questions, though.

First and foremost, a simple numbers question: I’m very confident my husband and I can rigorously, raucously and comprehensively test the sex-suitability of more than a single mattress a week. If we increase our research output to, say, three mattresses a week, will our compensation be tripled accordingly?

Next, a question about these mattresses: What sort of materials are they comprised of, generally speaking? Are any of them waterbed mattresses? If so, do I receive hazard pay bonus as someone who occasionally experiences motion sickness? Are any of them ‘memory foam’ – and if so, we will face the potential prospect of a lawsuit being filed by a memory foam mattress with claims of post-traumatic stress stemming from remembering too well the sexual experimentation my husband and I will engage in while putting the mattress through its paces? (Indeed, might this be what “actionable sleep advice” refers to in the Sleep Standards mission statement?)

I have many other questions, of course – but I’m going to save those for the staff of Sleep Standards. And if you’d like to get in on this corporate-funded research fucking yourself, I have good news: the company is accepting applications through September 15, 2020.

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