Men are well-known for exaggerating their sexual exploits. From the guys you knew back in high school who boasted about (usually imaginary) out-of-state girlfriends they hooked up with over the summer, to some of the most famous men on the planet, overstating the number of sexual encounters and different partners they’ve had is so common among men it’s a recurring joke in literature and film.
Some guys exaggerate more than others, though — and what might seem like a ridiculous claim for the Average Joe may be the truth when it comes from a famous actor, popular musician or professional athlete. Today, Calico compares the sex claims of two famous men, one of which seems far more feasible than the other. Read all about it in her latest post, “John’s Sex Claim Is Far More Reasonable Than Wilt’s, At Least”
by Calico Rudasill, Sssh.com Porn For Women and Couples
Off the top of my head, I can only name one John Mayer song – “Your Body is a Wonderland” – but the reason I can name it isn’t because I like the tune, it’s because it came up in the context of a conversation I had years ago with a friend who was very conflicted in her feelings about Mayer.
“He seems so sensitive and cool when you listen to his music,” my friend said of Mayer, “but then you read an interview with him and it just blows the whole image you have in your mind.”
She went on to tell me how disgusted she was by comments Mayer had made to Rolling Stone magazine – especially the part about how his penis was Dominican.
Honestly, I’d Almost Rather See Him Do Stand-Up Than Play Guitar
“How could anybody think that shit is funny?” she exclaimed, completely beside herself. “I don’t know if I can listen to his music anymore.”
I hadn’t read the article, but I made a little mental note to check it out later, which I did. Mayer’s quip about his cock was: “I’m not worried about how small my penis is – I’m worried about how dark it is. I have a Dominican penis. My penis hit six home runs last year; my penis wears shoes without socks.”
I wasn’t about to admit it to my friend, but I LOL’d at that line.
Granted, I didn’t run out and buy any of his albums, and it sure didn’t rule out the possibility the guy’s a complete prick, but had I been a fan of his when I read it, the joke certainly wouldn’t have put me off his music.
For that matter, the other Mayer joke reported in the Rolling Stone article wasn’t half-bad either – assuming you’re not someone for whom hearing words like “blowjob” used casually is a traumatic event.
“Everyone thinks Brad Pitt has it great because he married Angelina Jolie. I think he has it terrible, because when Angelina Jolie is giving you a blow job, what do you tip your head back and think of to help you finish? You have nothing left – just Jesus on a polar bear in the middle of the snow, saying, ‘You greedy motherfucker, I’ve got nothing for you.’”
Maybe I’ve just been hanging around the porn industry for too long, but that one works for me, too.
500 Partners In 17 Years Doesn’t Seem Too Unlikely For A Rock Star
The reason I’m thinking about John Mayer today isn’t because I woke up thinking about his Dominican penis or Jesus sitting on a polar bear at random. His name popped up on my radar because he apparently recently claimed he’s had sex with “sub-500 women,” which I take to mean fewer than 500, but not much fewer.
As with any claim along these lines, a lot of people immediately questioned Mayer’s number. But, as Amanda Arnold of The Cut observed, 500 women in 17 years (I’ll let Amanda explain how she came up with the 17 year period) isn’t that much for a touring rock musician.
Contrast that with Wilt Chamberlain’s infamous claim he’d had sex with 20,000 women in his life, and Mayer’s number seems all the more feasible. While Mayer’s average wouldn’t need to exceed a single sexual encounter per week, the breakdown on Wilt’s figure suggests for his claim to be true, it would mean he had sex more than once a day, with a different partner every time.
Is Wilt’s claim “impossible” as many have suggested? No – but I think it’s fair to call it unlikely, bordering on the impossible.
On the other hand, depending on what Mayer meant by “home run,” if his penis truly only hit six of them in 2005, maybe he should be investigated for performance-enhancing drug use to see if PEDs are the reason he’s been knocking so many out of the park in the last 12 years…
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