The Ghost Of Weddings Future?

Everybody loves a good ghost story — and it’s all the better when it involves sex.

But while having sex with a ghost might make sense, would you want to get married and start a family with one? How would that even work? If a woman in England named “Amethyst Realm” is to be believed, we will soon find out — because she says she’s now engaged to her ghost lover, who she first ‘met’ while traveling in Australia.

ghost sex

Of course, getting married isn’t just about making a promise to spend your entire life with someone; there are practical questions to consider, as well, especially when it comes to planning the wedding. Will there be anyone corporeal on the groom’s side of the church? Are there any undead vegans among his guests? If it’s a Catholic ceremony, is there a risk the priest might get confused and accidentally initiate an exorcism instead?

Read all about it in Calico’s latest post, “The Ghost Of Weddings Future?”

– by Calico Rudasill, Porn For Women

I’ve heard some quite unbelievable sex claims in my time, most of them from male friends of mine.

One used to boast that he dated Jennifer Lopez when he was in high school. It was ‘true,’ in the sense he dated a girl named Jennifer Lopez back then (a name which is not entirely uncommon here in sunny Arizona), but she wasn’t the famous J-Lo – a fact he tended to omit from the tale when none of his old classmates were around to point it out.

Then there was the guy in college who couldn’t go an entire party without whipping out his dick so we could all admire the size of the thing. Like a lot of other men (apparently), this guy was full of tall tales about threesomes – with women whose names he conveniently couldn’t remember. Strange, right?

I must admit though, none of the fellows whose bullshit stories I’ve put up with over the years have come close to claiming they’d had sex with a ghost, let alone they’d subsequently become engaged to said ghost.

How I Met Haunted Your Mother

The woman who says she’s had sex with ghosts and is now engaged to one is named “Amethyst Realm,” which sounds to me more like the name of a level in a video game, or perhaps the title of a Dungeons & Dragons module.

On the plus side, Amethyst describes her ghost fiancé as “very wise” and “very kind” – but also “very ancient,” which is a hell of thing to say about your lover. I guess men are less sensitive about that sort of thing, but I sure wouldn’t want my fiancé going on TV to talk about how I’d “been on the planet for a very long time.”

So, how did Amethyst meet… uh… well, whatever the ghost’s name might be, since she never mentions it, you might ask?

“I’d not had a phantom fling for a while and as I was away on business, starting a new relationship was the last thing on my mind.”

Wait, is this a TV interview, or the start of a Penthouse letter?

“Then one day, while I was walking through the bush, enjoying nature, I suddenly felt this incredible energy. A new lover had arrived.”

Either that, or you’d wandered into someone’s campfire.

Oh Look – He Has His Father’s Lack Of Eyes!

Getting engaged to a ghost is all well and good, but how does one start and raise a family with a ghost-spouse?

“Well, I’d hope [I’d have a] physical [baby]. I’ve been looking into phantom pregnancy,” Amethyst says. “It’s a real pregnancy, but you have a phantom inside you, rather than carrying a human baby.”

Well, that certainly sounds…. creepy and awful. But hey – different strokes for different self-proclaimed psychic folks, right?

Plus, it’s not like Amethyst has rushed into this, or jumped at tying the knot with the first prospective Ghost Groom who came along. She says she’s “had relationships with at least 15 different spirits since giving up on living men.”

Yeah, screw those living men! I mean, what good are they, other than having the ability to speak, lift heavy objects, earn a living and other trivial stuff?

Will There Be Anyone Visible On The Groom’s Side Of The Church?

The nice part is Amethyst has very supportive family and friends – and I’m assuming she’s talking about the regular, everyday human manner of family and friends here.

“My family are quite alternative, so anything I do or say doesn’t faze them,” she says. “Most of my friends are happy that I’ve found love. If they think I’m mad, they seem to be keeping it to themselves.”

What Amethyst doesn’t address is what his friends think of her – or who his friends are, for that matter. To me, that would be the most interesting thing about dating a ghost; finding out how he spends his time when he’s not hanging out with me. Does he jam with Jimi Hendrix and Kurt Cobain? Play poker with the Founding Fathers? Shoot hoops with Wilt Chamberlin?

If you’re Amethyst, these aren’t just intriguing questions, they’re crucially important factors in planning the wedding. Will his ghost pals be attending? If so, do we need to account for them in giving the caterer at head count? Are any of his beyond-the-grave buddies vegan?

Oh well, there’s still plenty of time to figure out all that, I suppose.

“We haven’t discussed the details yet, but I think it will be quite a big do,” Amethyst says.

I can only imagine.

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