I Need Another Bucket Just to Hold the Lists – A Sex Toy Bucket List?

I Need Another Bucket Just to Hold the Lists – A Sex Toy Bucket List?

Have you ever started making a to-do list and then found by the time you’re done making the list, it has grown so extensive that any portion of it which requires sunlight has to wait until the next day?  No? Then congratulations — you’re much better at making lists than Calico is.

Calico finds making a “bucket list” particularly daunting. There’s just so much to see and do out there in the world; how is she supposed to narrow it down to things that are so important to her that she feels she must see them before she dies? 

Turning to the internet for help, Calico’s conundrum only deepens. There are so many lists about making lists, pretty soon she’s making a list of lists she needs to read, all so she can make some other list, which will finally enable her to address the bucket list she wanted to write in the first place.

But wait — what’s this? Calico has learned about a narrowly focused, single-subject bucket list, something that might help her focus enough to actually finish writing her bucket list before everything on it is mooted by her own mortality.

Is this niche bucket list the answer to Calico’s list-making prayers? Isn’t 10,000 items a little much for any kind of list, let alone a bucket list? If she’s already done something on the list more than once, can she trade it in on another item from the list that’s too expensive?

Read on as Calico haplessly struggles to make lists of lists in furtherance of making yet another list in her new post: “I Need Another Bucket Just to Hold the Lists.”

by Calico Rudasill, Sssh.com original sex toy movies for women

sex toy bucket list

Read on…

I’m what you might call a “haphazard literalist” – the kind of person who is prone to randomly interpreting nearly anything she hears or reads literally, if only for as long as it takes her to realize she’s being an idiot.

Among other things, this tendency helps to explain why the first time someone advised me that I should make a “bucket list,” mine began: ice, livestock, mop, sand…

First Item on Bucket List: Make Bucket List

As for the metaphorical variety of bucket list, anyone composing one these days enjoys an enormous number of suggestions for items to put on their lists. Some of these lists (of ideas for other lists) are of manageable size. Other lists are so extensive they make me question when I’m supposed to DO the things on my bucket list and whether I’ll have aged out of certain options by the time I’m done reading their suggestions.

In fact, there are so many bucket lists and bucket list suggestion-lists on the internet, I no longer feel that dumb over my first attempt at making one, as it turns out that literal lists of buckets are a thing, too.

What Am I, the Travel Channel?

Another thing I’ve noticed about all these lists of lists that people can use to make even more lists is the people making them seem to assume I have a massive travel budget. “Swim in each of the four major oceans,” they say. “Touch six out of the seven continents. Spend a week in each of the major ‘global’ cities (New York, Paris, London, and Tokyo).”

After the way I burned through my retirement savings during the pandemic, I’m going to aim somewhat lower for the travel portion of my bucket list. How about “visit every grocery store within six miles of the house” and “spend at least two hours in each major room of the house, daily.”

I will say this much for the massive list I linked to earlier: At least it starts the travel-related suggestions with one that I’ve already crossed off my list: “Visit the Grand Canyon.” 

In fact, as a lifelong resident of the Grand Canyon State, I’ve been there a half-dozen times, maybe more. Can I trade in some of those extra visits and just call them trips to New York, Paris, London and Tokyo? Does this growing collection of lists of lists about making lists include a list of bucket list rules?

How About a Smaller Bucket? Are “Pail Lists” a Thing?

Maybe what I need to do is narrow the focus of my bucket list. Instead of making a Master Bucket List of a bunch of things I want to do before I die, maybe I ought to concentrate on one thing I know I’m going to do a lot before I die – like masturbate.

“Why not zhoosh up your bucket list with a few X-rated activities (er, sextivities) like ‘bop in a butt plug’ or ‘ride a suction cup dildo’,” asks Gabrielle Kassel for HealthLine.com in a piece titled “How to Create A Sex Toy Bucket List — and Why You Should.”

Honestly, other than not knowing what it means to zhoosh something, I can’t think of a reason why I shouldn’t make a sex toy bucket list. To be clear, we’re talking about real, official, commercially available sex toys, right? Please tell me this isn’t going to be a bunch of tips related to all the imaginative ways one can use certain vegetables.

“Sex toy specific bucket lists offer many of the same perks G-rated bucket lists do,” Kassel writes. “They’re fun and motivating, plus they help you feel accomplished, push you outside your comfort one, and encourage you to prioritize the things you want to do.”

So long as getting pushed outside my comfort zone doesn’t involve traveling to some other, available-only-via-expensive-international-flights zone, I’m all for it.

He Can Make His Own Damn List

Kassel’s post about making a sex toy bucket list is quite helpful and sensible – with one exception. The exception at issue doesn’t so much flow from what she wrote as it does from the fact that I’m the reading it.

“Make a date night out of crafting a list with your partner.”

For me, that’s just not a good idea. I’ve tried making lists with my husband and it never ends well. For example, I once tried to make a list of things we needed to do around the house, only to find myself having to litigate extensively each line item. Under “yard work” I put something about the need to pull up some weeds out front – and then wound up being lectured about how “brittlebrush isn’t a weed” (fact check: true) and produces pretty flowers and the quails love it and on and on and on.

Look, the point isn’t whether he was right about the brittlebrush, it’s that I wanted to spend less than a week making the list, leaving the rest of the week to actually accomplish something – and there’s just no way I’m subjecting my sex toy bucket list to endless second-guessing.

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