Fungi-Boosted Sex Drive? Sounds Good… Until it Doesn’t

Fungi Boosted Sex Drive? Sounds Good… Until it Doesn’t

Is there anything fungi can’t do? Different types of fungi have been used to cure disease, top pizzas and provide years of trailblazing (so to speak) entertainment for generations of psychedelic experience appreciators, from your father’s weird old deadhead friend “Top Hat Roger” to modern college kids who are looking to give their recreational chemical experimentations a retro edge.

Evidently, one type of fungus is having a profound effect on the cicadas currently flooding the east coast of the U.S. Some of these effects sound like something Calico wouldn’t mind experiencing herself — like a serious boost to the cicadas’ sex drive. Other effects…. well, not so much.

What is this cicada-stimulating fungus up to? Does it glow in the dark? Can cicadas hallucinate? Is there anything freakier than the idea of being high on magic mushrooms and covered in cicadas at the same time? What does any of this have to do with pizza? See how Calico puts the “fun” in fungi in her latest post, “Fungi-Boosted Sex Drive? Sounds Good… Until it Doesn’t.” 

-by Calico Rudasill, Award-winning Original Adult Moviesmagic mushroom fungi penis
Read on…

No matter how you slice it – or even if you don’t slice it at all – fungi is pretty amazing stuff. After all, there aren’t too many things on earth that you can use as both a pest control mechanism and a pizza topping.

Granted, it’s probably not the same fungi used in connection with pest control and pizza-making, but I’ve never heard of any pineapple relatives capable of suppressing the developmentl of nematodes, so that’s another win for my favorite topping.

Not-So-Magic Mushrooms

Early in life, about all I knew about mushrooms was that they were a rare source of strong disagreement between me and my oldest sister. We liked the same books, the same music, the same teachers – but her attitude towards mushrooms was: “I refuse to eat anything that much lower than me on the food chain.”

In my late teens, I found out about psychoactive fungi, or what my far less nerdy friends called “magic mushrooms.” I must admit, my initial experimentation with magic mushrooms didn’t have the best outcome. My then-boyfriend and I took some while hanging out on a beach in Mexico and… well, let’s just say my body rejected them in a manner reminiscent of a certain scene from Team America.

Making matters worse, all my boyfriend could do was stand there and cackle at me like it was the funniest thing he’d ever seen. (He later told me that he wasn’t laughing because he found me puking to be uproariously funny – it’s just that he was so high, his brain just couldn’t come up with anything more helpful, like holding my hair back while I heaved away, or going to fetch me some water with which to rinse out my mouth once I was done heaving.)

Sure, I’d Like to Lose Some Weight, But Not Like THAT

On the bright side, that experience probably made me a lot less likely to ever abuse or overuse psychoactive fungi. But, by the same token, at least the list of bad things that can come from abusing magic mushrooms doesn’t include becoming sexually unhinged and having your butt fall off.

You’ve probably heard more than enough about cicadas lately, given the cicada horde that has emerged on the east coast of the U.S. this year. You’ve probably even heard some people say cicadas are good eatin’, while others will warn you not to eat them if you have a seafood allergy, because cicadas are related to shrimp.

For my money, the most intriguing thing I’ve read about cicadas is the effect of the massospora fungus, which… well, how about I just let NPR explain what massospora does to cicadas?

“The fungus takes over their bodies, causing them to lose their lower abdomen and genitals. And it pushes their mating into hyperdrive.”

Part of that doesn’t sound so bad, as I’m not against being pushed into sexual hyperdrive territory now and again. The other part though, the losing my “lower abdomen and genitals” bit, that I can do without. I mean sure, my lower abdomen ain’t what it used to be, but all things considered, I like it right where it is.

This Way, They’d Look Magic Even Before You Ate Them

I don’t know enough about fungi to know whether it’s truly a workable notion but reading all this stuff about mushrooms and sex drives and psychedelics has given me what I believe to be a multimillion-dollar product concept.

I’ve never actually been to a rave, but based on the cliché representations of raves and ravers that I’ve seen in movies and television, there’s two things I know that ravers really like: Psychoactive chemicals and glow sticks.

We’ve already covered the fact that some fungi are psychoactive – and it just so happens that some other fungi are bioluminescent. This suggests to me it might be possible to somehow breed a mushroom that is both psychoactive and bioluminescent. 

Just think of all the trips to the store and/or their drug dealer’s place ravers could condense into a single errand! Also, glowing psychedelic pizza, anyone?

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