Sex Travel Humor: And I Thought MY Airport Greetings Were Bad

Does your family have any traditions that you could do without? Things they just won’t let go of, no matter how mortifying you find those traditions?

For Calico, one such family tradition has been eradicated by circumstance, not due to her objections, but because there are certain things they just won’t let you do at the airport anymore — like dress up like Mariachis to serenade your visibly mortified daughter/sister/niece as she walks towards the baggage claim area pretending not to see or hear you.

As it turns out, even with the stricter rules in place at the airport, some folks still find themselves confronted with less-than-welcome welcoming parties when they arrive home. Of course, sometimes the victims of these receptions deserve what they get — and what one fellow whose arrival recently went viral deserved was a healthy dose of “Oh shiiiiit.”

What sort of homecoming did this guy get? Why did he deserve any humiliation he experienced? Could simply booking a flight separately from his… er… “traveling companion” possibly have spared him the whole ordeal?

Find out in Calico’s new post “And I Thought MY Airport Greetings Were Bad.”

– Calico Rudasill, Porn Movies For Women and Couples

Read on…

Throughout my life, I’ve understood there are certain unpleasant inevitabilities in life, bad things on the horizon that I just have to accept. You know, death and taxes, premature cancellation of any TV show I enjoy, the New England Patriots Tom Brady winning Super Bowls – stuff like that.

During my teens and into my twenties, one of these inevitabilities was that any time I went on a trip involving flights that would eventually bring me back home to Arizona, my family would meet me at the airport and embarrass the living hell out of me.

To be clear, I don’t mean that I’d get embarrassed by their mere existence, the way any teenage girl or young woman occasionally feels about her family. I mean that embarrassing me was their very purpose in coming to the airport – to a much greater extent than picking me up was their purpose.

Typically, members of the family would come to the airport en masse, at least seven strong, dressed up in some outrageous way, hollering to me in an exaggerated, redneckish manner, or faking French accents while wearing absurd berets, or whatever occurred to them to wear, do, or say that they had (correctly) calculated would make me want to hide in an airport bathroom until the coast was clear.

Fortunately, this tradition has ended in the post-9/11 world. Make no mistake, though: Even now, whenever I fly back into town, if my husband isn’t available to pick me up, I hail an Uber, just in case. 

Neither the Time Nor the Place

Naturally, going back long before the 9/11, most people have known there are things you can’t (or at least shouldn’t) do at the airport, like joke about having a bomb, or joke about having little bags of heroin jammed up your butt, or… well, joke about anything that’s illegal to have/do, I guess.

Other airport/airline advice might be less obvious, but is just as solid, like never eat anything that touches your tray table and never pick up on airport/airline staff – even, or perhaps especially, if they decide to conduct a cavity search.

Anyway, while the TSA’s policies have rather put the kibosh on showing up in outrageous costumes and marching to the arrival gate in furtherance of humiliating your daughter/sister/niece, no set of policies can truly put a stop to every manner of unwelcome airport greeting.

Plus, sometimes travelers are the are the agents of their own undoing when it comes to the nature of their greeting parties – and sometimes, they even richly deserve the humiliation that awaits them at Gate 4B.

Perfect for One of Those “Want To Get Away?” Ads from Southwest

While I don’t condone things like cheating on one’s spouse, I do think if you’re going to cheat on your spouse, you owe it to your spouse to do it well enough that they don’t catch you at it. Which is why – speaking of things you shouldn’t do that involve airplanes – you should never fly to Las Vegas with your extramarital lover, especially with your extramarital lover sitting in the next seat over.

On the bright side, Tiffany Coats, a woman whose husband DID fly with his lover to Las Vegas, came up with a brilliant response to her husband’s philandering.

“I found out my then-husband took his GF to Vegas by calling the airline and convincing them to give me the name on the other tix,” Tiffany explained in her TikTok video. “So I found her FB page, contacted her husband and we both met them at baggage claim.”

As my nephew likes to say: daaayuum. Talk about a most unwelcome welcome! 

All of a sudden, I retroactively feel much better about the time my family showed up in sombreros and brightly colored ponchos, repeatedly belting out “bienvenida señorita, te trajimos tequila” to no particular melody. 

Sure, in that moment, I wanted to die on the spot, but – just in case there’s either a heaven/hell arrangement in the afterlife, or some sort of merit-based reincarnation where I could come back to this world as something with truly terrible life, I’d rather die of embarrassment than guilt.

Ever see a movie about sex in an airport?  See them at – click here

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