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Of Real Sex Dolls, Test Drives And Blurred Nipples

I term the media’s fascination with the Real Doll to be “understandable” because whether you think they’re just mildly creepy, creepy-yet-strangely-compelling, or super-duper uber-creepy, it’s hard not to have a reaction to them, especially in person.

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[Today, Calico takes a look at the Real Doll showroom in Vienna, Austria and its “try before you buy” policy — and English tabloid The Sun’s condescending yet salacious coverage thereof. Why does the writer assume people who buy Real Dolls are “lonely”? Why does he call them “mannequin prostitutes”? Most importantly, if the whole enterprise (including Real Doll customers) is so unseemly, why dignify it with coverage in the first place? Along the way, Calico explains various non-sexual applications of Real Dolls, including having them as cocktail party guests designed to emphasize to your envious friends just how much disposable income you have at your command.]

by Calico Rudasill, Sssh.com Porn For Women

Ever since they first hit the market in the late 90’s, the media has had an understandable fascination with the Real Doll, sex dolls billed as “the most realistic looking and feeling doll on the market.”

I term the media’s fascination with the Real Doll to be “understandable” because whether you think they’re just mildly creepy, creepy-yet-strangely-compelling, or super-duper uber-creepy, it’s hard not to have a reaction to them, especially in person.

Somewhere on one of the (seemingly innumerable) external hard drives to which my husband and I have backed up various computers and digital devices over the years, there’s a picture of me posing with one of the original Real Doll models, taken at an adult trade show in New Orleans.

The picture was taken right after I’d watched a bunch of other people pose in various sexually-suggestive ways with the doll, so in a form of rather tame defiance, I instead posed with a notebook in my hand, pretending to interview the doll, with a look on my face which suggested she was saying something quite interesting and profound.

Somehow, I doubt this is how most people go about testing out Real Dolls when they get the chance to do so in person – a phenomenon described in a charmingly lurid tabloid article I read the other day.

Why Assume The Client Is “Lonely”?

In his article about the Real Doll showroom in Vienna, Mark Hodge from The Sun can’t help but take cheap shots at the customer base for the dolls, variously referring to them as “randy customers” and “lonely clients.”

This seems unfair to me, in part because – so far as I’m aware – the manufacturer of the Real Doll has never referred to readers of The Sun as semi-literate, unduly credulous cretins based on the content of their newspaper of choice.

As it happens, I know a few people who own Real Dolls, and only one of them has ever fucked the thing. The other two are fabulously rich women bought the dolls for the novelty factor, and to roll out as a lark during their frequent cocktail parties. Honestly, I’ve always suspected the only reason they bought the dolls in the first place was to see the reaction on their friends’ faces when they told us how much they paid for the damn things – which, come to think of it, might explain their automobile and jewelry purchases over the years, as well.

I’m sure you’ll be shocked to hear the other Real Doll owner I know, the one who has fucked it, is a man. And yes, as evidenced by the fact he freely admits to people he’s fucked it, he’s a relatively shameless man, at that. To be fair, as he has noted on several occasions, they are “sex dolls,” so why should he feel badly about enabling one to serve its stated purpose?

I would never describe this fellow as “lonely” by the way. He’s had sex with plenty of flesh and blood women, although I suspect (or maybe I should say I hope) he’s never regaled any of them with tales of his Real Doll exploits, or, far worse, asked one to engage in a three-way with “Layla,” as he calls her. (Yes, he named the doll after his favorite Derek and the Dominos song. Eric Clapton would be so proud…)
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What’s With The Blurred Nipples?

Even more than its condescending and salacious tone, what confuses me about The Sun’s Real Doll article is the choice to blur the nipples on the dolls. Are nipples, even fake ones, so shocking even a publication like the Sun, even in an online article, can’t bear to display them in full?

Clearly, the Sun wants readers to know they don’t approve of Real Dolls, which for some reason Hodge refers to as “mannequin prostitutes.”

I suppose the reason Hodge calls them prostitutes is that customers pay for the dolls, but I strongly suspect many (or even most) Real Doll customers don’t take their dolls home and fantasize about them being prostitutes. I’m guessing most of them would rather think of the dolls as smoking-hot but otherwise “regular” gals, who just happen to be totally cool with their lovers doing any sort of kinky thing which occurs to them.

Either way, the blurred nipples thing confuses me. Showing the rest of “April’s” breast is fine, but if they provide a glimpse of her nipples, the entirety of Blighty will come crumbling down?

Oh well, don’t worry April: If ever I can afford to secure you as a guest for one of my cocktail parties, I’ll be sure to provide decent, respectful attire – but should you ever choose to pose nude for me, I’ll proudly share your carefully-crafted, hyper-realistic nipples in their full, unpixellated glory.

Calico Rudasil
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Calico Rudasil

Calico Rudasil is a feature columnist for Sssh.com, the web’s original porn site for women by women. With over 16 years’ experience of writing about and for the adult entertainment industry under her belt, Calico qualifies as something of a Web Porn Dinosaur; similar to a tyrannosaurus, only with far more attractive arms and a less pronounced overbite.
Calico’s work has appeared under various pen names in adult industry trade journals and on several mainstream op-ed portals, including the Huffington Post.
Calico Rudasil
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Written by Calico Rudasil

Calico Rudasil

Calico Rudasil is a feature columnist for Sssh.com, the web’s original porn site for women by women. With over 16 years’ experience of writing about and for the adult entertainment industry under her belt, Calico qualifies as something of a Web Porn Dinosaur; similar to a tyrannosaurus, only with far more attractive arms and a less pronounced overbite.
Calico’s work has appeared under various pen names in adult industry trade journals and on several mainstream op-ed portals, including the Huffington Post.

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