Why Isn’t Rapping About Sex AND Vegetables An Option?

When people say there’s too much talking (or singing) about sex these days, they often mean there’s too much in comparison to the other subjects we discuss, collectively. As they see things, we’re not so much sex-obsessed as we are simply more interested in talking about sex than we are discussing the things these people think we should be talking about, like politics, or the justice system, or civil rights, or… vegetables?

Ietef Vita, also known as “DJ CAVEM,” is a vegan rapper from Denver who wants to raise awareness about the benefits of veganism. He says there’s “plenty of songs about sex and violence, but there aren’t enough songs about arugula.” While Calico is inclined to agree (mostly because she can’t think of a single song about arugula), she wonders if Vita isn’t unnecessarily limiting his awareness-raising approach by thinking his raps have to be about JUST vegetables.

Thankfully for Vita, Calico is always thinking about innovative solutions to novel problems and she thinks she has one for Vita that will further his goals and broaden his artistic horizons at the same time. What does she suggest? Find out in her latest post, “Why Isn’t Rapping About Sex AND Vegetables An Option?”

by Calico Rudasill, Sssh.com Porn Movies for Women and Couples

As someone who writes about sex a lot, I tend to reflexively recoil a bit when people suggest there’s too much discussion of sex these days. Part of this is personal, naturally; if it’s true there’s too much talk about sex going on out there, then it’s undeniable that I’m one of the guilty parties making the excess happen.

What I’ve found though, is that when people say there’s too much sex talk, they’re usually saying it in a comparative sense. In other words, they’re not saying there’s too much talk about sex period, but too much talk about sex as opposed to some other topic, like big political issues, climate change, social justice – or vegetables.

Wait, like vegetables? Yes, like vegetables.

I’d Drop the Mic, But It Might Wind Up in my Gazpacho

“There’s plenty of songs about sex and violence, but there aren’t enough songs about arugula.”

So says vegan rapper Ietef Vita, who goes by the stage name DJ CAVEM, who is based in Denver and whose most recent gig, evidently, was manning the mic at Nooch Vegan Market up there in the Mile-High City.

“I’m going to drop some lavender,” Vita also said. “I’m going to drop some Russian Sage. Representing on the perennials. Making sure the bees is happy, cause your food is going to be bland and wack if you don’t take care of the bees, trust.”

Well, I certainly don’t want my food to be bland and wack – particularly wack, as I’m not entirely sure what it means in this context.

Is That an Organic Carrot in Your Pocket, or Are You Just Happy to See Me?

Speaking of other connotations of “wack,” while I’m inclined to agree there aren’t enough songs about arugula (although one might be sufficient, to be honest) I’m not sure Vita needs to choose between rapping about sex and rapping about vegetables, because the two go hand in… well, not hand, if you catch my drift.

What could be more educational and beneficial, for example, than rapping about how masturbating with organic cucumbers is superior to using regular cucumbers for the same purpose? Or, if someone is looking for an alternative to plain old cloth cum rags, why not recommend some of that arugula of which you’re so fond?

It seems to me that Vita’s real goal here is to create and expand awareness of all the benefits of people living a vegan lifestyle, not just the idea that the vegan diet is a good one to maintain for one’s health. After all, he does say “the goal is to transform culture” and “utilizing art for change for culinary climate action.”

The Marketing Power of Sex (and Phallic Vegetables)

Vita’s stated aims are laudable goals, to be sure. But from where I sit, it seems unlikely we can accomplish that goal if all we do is rap about eating arugula or go around representing the perennials, no matter how deft our rhyming skills may be.

As the old saying goes, “sex sells.” Presumably, sex with vegetables will sell, too – particularly to environmentally conscientious masturbators who aren’t aware of what wonderful, practical masturbatory tools vegetables can be. 

Since we’re also trying, presumably, to convert people to veganism and not just raise awareness among existing vegans, It’s also important to emphasize why masturbating with vegetables is superior to using sausages or hot dogs – and don’t even get me started on how uselessly slender those Slim Jims are.

So, while I applaud Vita in his campaign to draw attention to veganism and trumpet the virtues of vegetables, I urge him to broaden his horizons and think about other potential applications of vegetables to help further his cause.

After all, just singing about vegetables and how wonderful isn’t enough. This much we already know, because simply invoking vegetables in song has been tried before and it just didn’t catch on.