Can a Wronged-By-Parents Porn Collector Find Justice? There’s Hope!

Back in April, Calico became aware of a lawsuit in which a man identified only as “Charlie” was suing his parents because they destroyed his massive porn collection — a collection Charlie valued at over $29,000. At the time, many people mocked Charlie, saying his case would be dismissed in a heartbeat. As it turned out, when given the opportunity to exactly that, a federal judge declined to do so, meaning Charlie’s lawsuit now can move forward.

pile of porn magazines

It’s far from certain that Charlie will prevail in his claims, of course, but his parents have got to be feeling a little more heat now than they did in April — especially given the fact they openly admitted to destroying the porn, even going so far as to assert they did for Charlie’s own good and suggesting he’d thank them for doing it, someday.

Always looking to be helpful, especially when there’s an opportunity to play peacekeeper between squabbling generations, Calico has helpfully penned some proposed settlement offers that should make everyone happy — or perhaps make nobody happy, which is after all the sign of a good compromise, right?

Will there be #JusticeForCharlie? Only time will tell. Until then, you can get Calico’s take on how to resolve the conflict in her latest post, “Can a Wronged-By-Parents Porn Collector Find Justice? There’s Hope!”

by Calico Rudasill, Sssh.com Porn Movies For Women and Couples

So far as I know, #JusticeForCharlie isn’t trending – even among porn fans – but maybe it should be.

What the hell am I talking about? Well, I’m talking about the ongoing saga of a man who has sued his parents for destroying his massive porn collection, an item that first hit my radar back in April.

Well, THAT Sure Wouldn’t Fit in the Sock Drawer…

And when I say this ‘Charlie’ guy had a “porn collection,” what I really mean is he had a stash of porn comparable to Smaug’s mountain of treasure in The Hobbit. According to media reports – and Charlie’s lawsuit – it included 12 large moving boxes full of movies and two additional boxes of sex toys.

In pressing his lawsuit, one thing Charlie won’t have to contend with is any sort of denial from his parents, who freely admitted to destroying his mountain of smut. Not only did they admit doing it, they acted lie they’d done him a favor.

“Believe it or not, one reason for why I destroyed your porn was for your own mental and emotional heath,” Charlie’s father allegedly wrote in an email to his aggrieved son. “I would have done the same if I had found a kilo of crack cocaine. Someday, I hope you will understand.”

I’m not sure if Charlie’s dad realizes this, but there’s a subtle difference between a kilo of cocaine and 12 boxes of porn: The former is patently illegal to possess, while the latter is only illegal to possess if you’re the porn company that produced it, AND the government somehow found 12 people so uptight they’re willing to put pornographers in jail for making porn that’s too gross for the jury’s tastes.

Unlike Charlie, His Parents Aren’t Getting Off Easy

In arguing that Charlie’s complaint should be dismissed, Charlie’s parents argued that their son must “prove that the defendants turned the property to their own use or used the property for their own purposes” – something they asserted Charlie couldn’t do in their motion to dismiss the case.

The judge wasn’t buying this line of reasoning, though, saying that even destroying the porn could be construed as their “own use.”

Referring to the same email I quoted above, the judge noted that Charlie’s parents didn’t merely discard property they thought was junk, they “were motivated to destroy the pornography from a belief in its deleterious effects.”

Now, the judge’s decision doesn’t mean Charlie will win his lawsuit, of course – it simply means it can go forward to trial, absent the parties coming to some form of settlement in the meantime, or the case being dismissed on other grounds.

Let’s Be Reasonable Here: Some Suggested Settlement Terms

Since Charlie is seeking at least $29,000 in his suit (not including the legal fees he’s racking up now, which he’ll doubtlessly ask the court to award him, if he does win), his parents may look to settle, rather than risk being on the hook for $30k+.

Since I’m always one to play peacekeeper, I’ve come up with some potential settlement packages upon which Charlie and his parents may be able to agree. I mean, nothing can truly replace his beloved porn stash, but maybe he can recover from the loss and fill the whole in his zipper heart.

Porn-Settlement Option 1: A lifetime membership to a premium porn site plus two of the fanciest Fleshlight models available. 

Let’s face it, any good size porn mega-site has WAY more content than a person can cram into 12 moving boxes – and two of the latest, greatest, bells-and-whistle-ist Fleshlights is a decent stand in for a couple boxes of lower-end sex toys, right? If not, the offer can always be amended and resubmitted, maybe to toss in a couple of ‘smart’ vibrators, or high tech pocket pussies, or whatever the fuck this thing is.

Porn-Settlement Option 2: $5,000 cash, free room and board for two years and a solemn promise to leave his new porn collection alone.

Charlie could be forgiven if he had no interest in this one. After all, who would want to live under the same roof with the monsters who trashed their cherished personal property? On the other hand, with an initial nest egg of five thousand bucks and two years to live rent-free, Charlie could easily build up enough of a war chest to restore his collection to its former glory – and make his parents’ lives miserable in the meantime, by watching at full volume the porn they’re bound by contract not to destroy.

Porn-Settlement Option 3: A top of the line video camera, an all-expenses-paid trip to Csömör, Hungary and prepaid tuition for the Rocco Siffredi Academy.

OK, so I can’t say with any certainty that Charlie has any interest at all in becoming a porn performer, as opposed to just watching porn, but these are just proposed settlement offers, people – Charlie can always decline.

Only time will tell if there’s #JusticeForCharlie, or what sort of important porn-destruction-consequences precedent this case might set. In the meantime, remember these words: Keep your parents close – and your porn stash even closer.

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