Body Weight and Your Sex Drive

I’m overweight. At 27 I have years and years of experience doing all sorts of yo-yo, no-carb, fasting, soup dieting. Even today after so many years and being a fully educated and smart woman, I still find myself in this constant battle of trying to lose some flab.

Ok, so I say to myself that it is not Holly Wood that is directing my lack of self confidence and it is not the constant bombardment of stars that look like they just might be pro-Ana women in secret behind closed doors, that’s making me have to fight such an eternal battle with my body. Instead I say that I’m fighting because of medical problems which are creeping up more and more the closer you come to 30, 40 and 50. So I do have scoliosis, two herniated discs and sciatica, but I would be lying to myself and to everyone else if I said that I didn’t have alternative motives for wanting to lose the pounds.

Along with a back that hates the excess weight, comes along the utter disgust I feel when I look in the mirror or get the courage to venture to the mall to try on some new clothes. Also there’s the fact that my sex-drive seems to be void.

Now this is by far one of the hardest things to admit, I would say it’s even harder to admit than stating that one finds their body disgusting. Our media makes it seem as though everyone else is skiny, beautiful and absolutely loves to have sex, everyone that is except for the rest of us who aren’t on TV or walking the red carpet.

I was shifting through‘s articles when I stumbled unto this one called ” Body Weight & Sex Drive”.  I decided to share it with all of you because it made me realize a couple of things for myself , which maybe on some unconscious level I already knew but was unwilling to admit to myself.  So without further ado, here it is:

“Many people that are heavier than they would like to be are able to maintain a ferocious sex drive.  Others are less fortunate and find that their drive tends to suffer after they have put on a few pounds.  I have had some of my dear friends express to me that this has happened to them.  I have also had some personal experience with this occurrence in the past.  These two things have led me to do some further research in this matter to share some facts and thoughts that may be found to be helpful.

-> The Duke University Medical Center reports that overweight adults that lose 10% of body weight report significant improvements on their sexual quality of life.

->A 2-year clinical trial of a prescription weight-loss medication involving 161 women and 26 men indicated:

  • Feelings of being sexually unattractive
  • Women were more likely to report problems than men
  • Lack of sexual desire
  • Reluctance to be seen undressed
  • Difficulty with sexual performance
  • Avoidance of sexual encounters
  • Lack of enjoyment of sexual activity

-> During the 2-year study, the most notable improvements were seen after 3 months and with 11.8% weight loss.

After one year of the study:

Female Improvements:

  • Feeling sexually unattractive ~ from 68% to 26%
  • Individuals that had not wanted to be seen undressed ~ from 63% to 34%
  • Difficulty with desire ~ from 39% to 15%
  • Avoidance of sexual encounters ~ from 29% to 15%
  • Not enjoying sexual activity ~ from 21% to 11%
  • Difficult with performance ~ from 27% to 12%

Male Improvements:

  • Individuals that had not wanted to be seen undressed ~ from 31% to 10%
  • Difficulty with desire ~ from 23% to 10%
  • Avoidance of sexual encounters ~ from 19% to 5%

The results of this study were presented at The Northern American Association for the Study of Obesity annual meeting held in Vancouver, B.C. on October 17, 2005.  “We saw very dramatic reductions in the number of people reporting difficulty following moderate weight loss. If people experience benefits and rewards from their weight loss and health efforts, it may help motivate them to continue a healthy lifestyle,” said the author.  Clinical experts seem to recommend losing weight in order to get back in the saddle.  Is weight gain and weight loss the “end all” conclusion?  I think not.

Don’t let Hollywood and the media fool you:

hllywood ana girlsPhysical beauty or what the media dictates to be physical beauty is not everything in the wonderful world of sex. Young girls make themselves sick to look like the women they see on television, in magazines, and on the movie screen, while older women are spending thousand dollars in surgery to do the same. How did we get here? There are so many men out there that actually appreciate the way a “real woman” looks. Beauty and art does not appear in one way! Olympia looked nothing like Paris Hilton. One of the most utopian aspects of life is variety, we must see so much more than we already do, not only in others but in ourselves. See yourself as beautiful and you are beautiful (and sexy). Feel sexy + act sexy = is sexy!!!!! You do not have to lose weight to feel better about yourself. Make the decision on your own just to feel better about yourself and celebrate who you are and your sex life will                                                                             flourish.

There is so much to sex….

Initial attraction, though fun, is such a small piece of the sexual puzzle. Once you have snatched someone (pardon the pun), enjoy that someone. They are with you, therefore they are interested. We all need sex, so give in to that need. See yourself as a wondrous sexual giver and give, even if you do not think you feel like it. Like getting into a swimming pool, though you may be hesitant at first, it often feels wonderful once you decide to give in. Let go of your self-conscious thoughts, they don’t do anyone any good and Just Do it as Nike says.

There are so many ways to be and feel sexual. So many senses are being used. Explore with more than just the visual. Take pleasure in using different smells, sounds, and sensations. Fragrance yourself in a long bath with sensual oils, make your body extra smooth, try some music or make your own sounds. If you want to continue to emphasize on the visual, continue to be beautiful even in the scale isn’t saying what you want it to. Everyone looks hot by candlelight, everyone can garnish themselves in a fetching way, and everyone has assets to use. Appreciate and utilize these amazing things and forget about what you thought were short comings. There not. If the person cannot see and appreciate the goddess in you, they are deaf, dumb, and blind.

Big and Beautiful:

Finally, people are recognizing that big IS beautiful. Models and actors that weigh more than ninety pounds are showing up more and more. Here are some cool links if you are, or looking for big and beautiful.

The Big & Beautiful People Network

Big Cupid

Whether you are looking to make some changes in your body, to love your body the way it is, or both, you do not have to get stuck in a sexual rut. Find ways to feel good about who you are, who you are with, and how it is to have sex. Try some new things to help with the desire and find beauty and sexuality in your partner. We are able to control much more than we think with our minds. We have practiced so long how to hate or dislike ourselves. Let’s now change that practice into loving ourselves and being the sexually creatures we strive to be!”

So As you can see offers some extremely valuable advice as well as giving us the connection between not justbinge eating body weight and our sexual drive but more so our Body Image and our sexual desires. If it helps at all, we all know that sexual activities burn a hell of a lot of calories, so why not incorporate sex with our partner as part of our exercise routine? What I mean to say is that maybe having sex is the answer to not only make us feel sexier, (because who doesn’t feel sexy when their partner is showing them just how much they want them?) but also to helping us shed off those extras pounds! If you feel good about yourself much more changes than just your  confidence level. You will eat less, move more and hold your head up high. All of which in the long run encourage weight loss since good posture works more muscles and you won’t binge on food, like I do, when you’re feeling all down on yourself!


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