First Piece of Advice For Arguing: DON’T Tell Your Wife
While it’s important advice for couples to communicate, it’s also important for people to know what NOT to communicate to their partner when arguing. I mean, let’s face it: Some thoughts just aren’t worthy of expressing out loud, while others will only get you in trouble.
For example, if you think your husband’s much-hated coworker is funny, go ahead and laugh at his jokes, but later tell your husband you were just laughing to be polite, rather than compliment his workplace nemesis. And fellas, even if the dress DOES make your wife’s ass look fat, and no matter how much of a service you believe you’d be doing her by saying so, maybe just tell her she looks very nice in it, instead.
And then there are things which are so out of line, so likely to make your partner erupt with rage, confusion or a bit of both, that you shouldn’t even put them in an anonymous letter to a British newspaper, just in case your spouse might later see the letter and put two and two together to make “get-out-of-my-house-4.”
What sort of thought might fit into that last category? What truth is so unwelcome, it’s best left unsaid to anyone? And just how hot is this letter-writer’s mother-in-law, anyway? Find out the answer to some of those questions in Calico’s latest post, “First Piece of Advice: DON’T Tell Your Wife.”
by Calico Rudasill, Sssh.com Erotic Movies For Women
Read on…
For the most part, I’m advocate of strong, forthright and frank communication between partners in a relationship. “You have got to be honest with yourself and with your partner,” I’ve always said.
Well, OK – maybe I haven’t always said that, because there are some things a person can say that, while true, are probably best not shared with their partners.
There are many thoughts that occur to us which we needn’t say out loud, like “I think Kenny G’s music is amazingly soulful” or “As time goes on, you look more and more like that Bitter Beer Face guy from those old Keystone Light ads” or “Yes, that dress does make your ass look fat.”
DO: Ask for Directions When Needed. DON’T: Tell Me to “Just Relax”
Speaking as a wife, I’d say people should be especially careful about they say to their spouses, because unlike the strangers you scream at in traffic, your spouse is liable to be able to find your house, even if they can’t pull a U-turn in time to follow you home.
Luckily, there’s no shortage of online resources that can help you avoid saying dumb stuff to your spouse. These resources are filled with good tips, like avoiding absolutes, not telling your spouse to “just relax” when she’s in the middle of losing her shit (especially when it’s over something that’s fully worthy of shit-losing) and the seemingly innocent, but nonetheless crazy-making “you should get my mom’s recipe for that.”
Granted, some of these lists get so long, you’re left wondering what you should say to your spouse – especially if you have a spouse who occasionally really does just need to calm the fuck down, lest he kick in the TV screen the next time Liverpool concedes a goal. (I’m just sayin’, honey.)
Still, long as these lists may get, it seems like there’s always more that can be added. For example, based on a letter recently sent to The Guardian, I’m going to add one to the collective, universal list of things men shouldn’t tell their wives: “Honey, I can’t stop sexually fantasizing about your mother.”
Good Advice – But Incomplete
“Although I have been happily married to my wife for three years, from the beginning I have been sexually attracted to my mother-in-law,” the letter starts – and that’s quite a start, wouldn’t you say? (If you’re the person who decides which letters received by the Guardian should make their way onto the paper’s website, I’m sure you see one like this and exclaim “Winner!”)
“She is a fantastic woman in her 50s and looks almost like my wife, but more beautiful,” the letter unwisely continues. “We live in the same area and we see each other two or three times a week. I have sex with my wife almost every day and it is great, but for the past few months, I can’t help but think of my mother-in-law during sex. I feel guilty about it. Please help me.”
Pamela Stephenson Connolly, the U.S.-based psychotherapist who penned the response to the letter, helpfully lets the author know that the “forbidden nature of some sexual attractions can create extremely complex feelings” and encourages him not to feel shame over his attraction to his mom-in-law.
The closest Connolly comes to advising the man not to spill the beans about his fantasies, though, is saying “Your fantasies are your own, though, and this one is harmless enough as long as you are not planning to act it out.”
I’m Not This Guy’s Spouse, So It’s OK for Me to Tell Him to STFU
Connolly’s advice is fine and offered in the right spirit. But in my view, if this fellow is willing to put his thoughts in an anonymous letter to the Guardian, he may also be tempted to confess his fantasies to his wife, as well. So, let me just say, unequivocally: Sir, do NOT tell your wife about this “I want to fuck your mom” fantasy of yours.
Your wife doesn’t want to know, it won’t help her to hear it and her response probably will not be measured and rational like that of Pamela Stephenson Connolly – unless scrunching up one’s face, hissing “Gross!” and frantically slapping the shit out of someone can be described as “measured and rational.”
Seriously, dudes: If your wife doesn’t like hearing that she should get her hands on your mom’s lasagna recipe, how do you think she’d respond to hearing that you’d like to get your hands on her mom?
Just keep that kind of shit to yourself – where it belongs.
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