Finally: Some Normalcy! (By Which I Mean People Having Sex in a NYC Subway Station)
It’s only natural as this pandemic and the stay-at-home orders associated with it drag on, people are desperate for any kind of sign they can get indicating a return to somewhat normalcy Even if it’s just a small sign of a partial return of normalcy, people are liable to lap it up and ask for a second helping.
For some folks, it’s the reopening of a local restaurant, even if it’s with half as many tables and the waiter has to communicate his culinary snootiness through the muffling of a face mask. For others, it’s seeing a lot of cars on the road — or even a few mangled up along the side of the road, if you’re really hard up for a sign.
For Calico, one of the primary metrics she’s looking at is one that probably isn’t tracked by the CDC, or likely to be the subject of a Trump tweet, or subjected to one of Alex Jones’ rambling conspiracy theories. Calico’s metric is simpler than all that — less scientific than the CDC, less batshit crazy than Jones, but also hopefully less incoherent than Trump.
What is Calico on the lookout for as a sign that the country is getting back to normal? Will it give any comfort to the public health officials who fret we’re rushing things along too quickly? Will there be an peer-reviewed article about it in the New England Journal of Medicine? Find out in Calico’s latest post, “Finally: Some Normalcy! (By Which I Mean People Having Sex in a NYC Subway Station)”
– Calico Rudasill, Sssh.com Return To Normalcy Porn Movies and More
With all the sheltering in place, staying at home, self-quarantining and social distancing we’ve been through over the last couple months, I think it’s safe to say many of us are desperate to find signs of some manner of return to normalcy, no matter how slight, gradual or partial that return may be.
Hell, in Missouri, they’re so keen for things to get back to normal, some people are even hailing an increase in emergency radio traffic as a good sign.
For me, “normalcy” is perhaps an odd choice of word to assign to the signals and indicators I’m looking for – because my leading indicator is the number of news stories about people inappropriately having sex in public spaces.
Sex in Public ‘Best Practices’
Before we get into the latest sex-in-public incident to land on my radar, let’s review a few things for people to keep in mind, should they be tempted to have sex, say, on public transit.
First, never post the video of your dalliances yourself. That’s just a fast way to get yourself investigated by the Bay Area Rapid Transit police.
Second, there are many, many choices of countries, cities, towns and communities available, so you must choose wisely. Having sex on public transit in in Bangkok, for example, is likely to result in being labeled a “sex fiend” who then finds herself being a “target” of the Bangkok Mass Transit Authority.
Third, if you can possibly manage it, try not to have sex with Swiss cheese as part of your public sex campaign… because the nickname “Swiss Cheese Pervert” is already taken.
No Sleep, Even Once We Get to Brooklyn
OK, with those sensible guidelines now disposed of, let’s get to a wonderful sign of public sex-normalcy returning in the most unlikely of places, given the severity of COVID-19’s impact there: New York City.
According to the esteemed New York Post, one of my go-to sources for important reports like these, this latest sex-in-the-subway incident came to the attention of the Metropolitan Transportation Authority by way of a “nearly minute-long” clip – which is hardly what I’d call a “full-length scene” if this were porn produced by an adult studio, but is an understandable length considering the circumstances of the “set.”
The video shot by the diligent New Yorker “appears to show a man and woman in the throes of passion on the platform of the Flushing Avenue station in Brooklyn.” (There’s a joke here to be made about “Flushing Avenue Station” and watersports, but I’m going to let it go.)
Lest anyone think the person who filmed the sex-in-progress at the Flushing Avenue station because he was incensed and indignant about the unidentified couple’s uncouth choice in location for their fornication, the Post reports you can hear the videographer say: “Yeah, I don’t care, I don’t mind that shit; that shit is like PornHub to me.”
It’s like Pornhub to him? Granted, a lot of the porn on Pornhub has low production values, but I think if I were a set designer who works for a porn studio, or the interior decorator of a home in which some Pornhub-distributed amateur porn was shot, I’d be offended by the comparison to the Flushing Avenue station décor.
Wait a Minute; Was This Even Against MTA’s Rules?
The other indicator that the videographer wasn’t too bent out of shape about what he was filming is that he didn’t report it to the MTA through the proper channels.
Then again, when I look at what the MTA has to say about sexual misconduct and how it defines that term, I’m not sure these latest subway station copulaters fit the bill.
“What is Improper Sexual Conduct?” the MTA asks on its page with information about reporting sexual misconduct on public transit. The MTA then answers its own question with: “Harassment of someone because of that person’s sex, gender identity, or sexual orientation is prohibited on the MTA bus, subway and commuter railroad network. Improper sexual conduct can take many forms and anyone can be a victim of it or witness it. It can include misconduct involving the actual or threatened use of physical contact or force, including rape, assault, unwanted touching, and other forms of physical sexual misconduct. At other times, however, improper sexual conduct does not involve physical contact or force. Some examples of improper sexual conduct that does not include physical contact or force are verbal harassment, threats, intimidation, and peeping into or under a person’s clothing.”
Maybe it’s just me, but it seems like the closest that paragraph comes to describing sex between consenting adults is the catch-all phrase “other forms of physical sexual misconduct” – and to fit there, we have to assume that having sex in public constitutes misconduct in the eyes of the MTA, because they sure don’t say so anywhere on that page.
Oh, don’t worry all you New Yorkers: I have no interest in having sex at the Flushing Avenue station, nor any intent of ever doing so.
The Times Square/42nd Street station, on the other hand? Well, that’s a whole other kettle of condoms!
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