Sexpert Humor – Some Sex Tips Are Easier To Follow Than Others

Some Sex Tips Are Easier To Follow Than Others

Other times, the sex tip isn’t so much impossible to follow as it is something you really, really don’t want to do. Some folks have an aversion to certain bodily fluids, for instance — so telling them to delight their partner by engaging in semen-play probably isn’t going to go over so well.

By Calico Rudasill, Sssh.com

When it comes to the tips and how-to’s of intimacy, I’m mostly what you’d call a sexual autodidact, meaning I learned most of what I know about sex myself, directly and on the fly – on or perhaps “on the lay” would be a more accurate way of putting it.

This is not to say I didn’t get some advice from my older sisters growing up (some of which was terrible, by the way), or read the occasional sexual advice column, just that most of my sexual wiles were developed through practice, as opposed to research. 

I’m not going to call my method of learning “sexual trial and error” because it wasn’t as aimless as that term implies – although it occasionally came close, like the first time I gave a blowjob and didn’t quite know how to keep my teeth from playing a larger-than-desired role in the experience for my partner, if you catch my drift.

File Under “Slightly Obvious But Practical Tips, At Least”

While I might not feel like I need it, I do stay on top of the latest sexual tips and advice for professional reasons. And I must say, some of these tips are much easier to follow than others – and I mean “easier” quite literally, in this context.

Take these sex tips from Cosmo, for example. Most of them are very straightforward, like “use lube” or “try a vibrator with sonic waves.” Ditto for this list from Woman’s Day, which features deep insights like “guys want to be touched” and “men want you to embrace sex.”

Since I like touching guys, very enthusiastically embrace sex and have more lubricant on hand than the average Jiffy Lube franchise, those tips are all very much in reach for me.

Even the less obvious tips on those two lists, like “try the Amazon position” or “they want you to be honest” (a slightly questionable, clearly fact-dependent assertion, but OK) are things I can see myself doing/trying in furtherance of mutual sexual pleasure.

Other sex tips…. Well, in my opinion, they’re simply asking too much of me.

OK, Dr. Buzzkill, Give Me the Bad News First

What kind of sex tips, specifically, ask too much of me? Well, I hate to generalize, but offhand I’d say any tip which requires me to go to a gym, lift weights, ride a stationary bicycle or otherwise engage in what the experts call “exercise” is simply beyond the pale.

“Physical activity is good for sex,” according to Lee Smith, who Medium identifies as “an epidemiologist researching physical activity and public health at Anglia Ruskin University in Cambridge, England.”

Look, I’m not going to sit here and argue that a PhD epidemiologist doesn’t know what he’s talking about – so instead, I’m just going to whine and grouse about his advice, not least because whining and grousing is my Constitutional right as an American.

“Being more active is associated with lower risk of various chronic illnesses that we know often lower sexual activity,” Smith says, adding that physical activity also improves stamina – something he says is “vital for a healthy sex life.”

Happy, Sexually Satisfied – and Yeah, OK, Maybe Slightly Out of Shape

“Lastly, (exercise) improves our mood,” Smith says. “We know that physically active people are less prone to depression, their self-image is better, and their overall well-being is better.”

Do we know that, though? I mean, I have friends who practically fucking live in the gym, have bodies that look like they were drawn by someone at Marvel Comics and they’re still as miserable as the day is long! And hey – slightly pudgy though I might be, I’m quite satisfied with my sex life, thank you very much. 

I mean sure, it might be nice not to get so winded on the walk from the living room to the bedroom, but I attribute that to the… umm… uh…  oh – to the very high 2000 feet above sea level altitude here. Yes, that must be it.

Or maybe I’m just coming up with excuses to avoid exercising, which I find about as enjoyable as getting a root canal? 

Nah – this Smith guy clearly is making some very unscientific generalizations. 

Sure, I’m being willfully ignorant, lazy, wrongheaded and stubborn here… But that’s my take on this whole “exercising-regularly-makes-sex-better” claim – and I’m sticking to it, dammit!

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