It’s always tempting to assume that there’s some kind of trend in the works whenever you see the same kind of pleasure story hitting the news several times in a relatively short period of time! And since Calico is pretty bad at resisting temptation, she’s taking three similar incidents happening around the world in less than 12 months as ironclad, incontrovertible proof of a major international epidemic.
Sure, it’s possible these incidents are completely disconnected, possible there’s no major trend and possible Calico is just getting overly worked up about all of this because she ‘accidentally’ brewed and consumed two extra pots of coffee this morning. But, it’s also possible she’s onto something — and that only urgent, extreme and totally panicked action on the part of governments around the world can solve the problem.
So, what is this very concerning, super threatening yet largely ignored international epidemic? Find out in Calico’s latest post, “Needed: International Pleasure Product Recycling Effort”
by Calico Rudasill, Sssh.com Adult Entertainment For Women and Couples
Normally, I’m not one to panic, or to scream that the sky is falling – except that one time, when I was a kid and because of a giant piece of government-funded space junk that fell to earth, I thought the sky really was falling.
Lately though, I’ve discovered an international epidemic that has me deeply concerned. To be clear, I’m using the internationally accepted news media definition of “epidemic,” under which if something happens more than once in a 12-month period, then it’s an undeniable, possibly unstoppable, trend.
What is this international epidemic, you ask? Well, I’m glad you ask because I was really having trouble coming up with a smooth transition to the next paragraph.
The massive, momentous, urgent crisis I’m talking about is the inappropriate disposal of pleasure products, or “sex toys” as people more commonly call them.
Was it a Discard, a Breakup, a Murder – or All Three?
The first of the incidents to catch my eye was the most recent – and the most disturbing.
First, there were rumors on social media that a body had been found in the River Irwell, a river that snakes about in northern England. What police eventually found wasn’t a body, exactly, but “the lower half of a very realistic sex doll.”
Since there’s scant details surrounding the incident, it’s hard to say whether the dismembered sex doll simply broke after frequent, repeated use, or whether the doll was dismembered in a fit of rage by a frustrated former owner/lover/sex doll brothel pimp.
To me, finding only half of the doll suggests the other half may still be floating around in the Irwell – or possibly buried in a shallow back-garden grave somewhere in the greater Manchester area. The open question is whether the cops investigating the incident will put in the hard work of finding out the backstory, or if they’re going to half-ass it and risk the emergence of a serial doll-dismemberer in their community.
Maybe Somebody Thought the Name was the “Chill and Wack” River…
Concerned that the discovery of half a sex doll might not be an isolated incident, I began searching for other, similar tragedies – and it didn’t take long to find a report of unsuspecting Canadians, just trying to do a good deed, being exposed to “a bag of discarded, dirty and unwrapped sex toys.”
Once again, the discovery abutted a river, in this case the very suspiciously named “Chilliwack” River. There were no false reports of corpses on social media prior to the discover of the bag in this case, just hundreds of pounds of trash – and some indication that police might want to issue an APB for Walter White.
“There were two very large active sites that I have had some aggressive verbal contact with, so we avoided them,” said Nita Vallillee, the woman who organized the cleanup. “It was brought to my attention that one of the camps was cooking meth, too. Yikes.”
Yikes, indeed. Or, as an old line from a song featured in The Wizard of Oz once came sort of close to saying, “Sex toys and meth cooks and bears – oh my!”
Or Maybe it’s Just Something About the Commonwealth
The third incident in my recently identified major international epidemic of inappropriate pleasure product disposal takes us back across the pound to England – and to a “Stoke-on-Trent back alley,” specifically.
While certainly not as alarming as a dismembered sex doll from the standpoint of an amateur criminalist like me, I can still understand why residents would be dismayed to traipse through an alley near their home only to discover “a bright pink dildo, butt plug, anal beads (and) a vibrating ring.”
At least the locals have a suspect – and this time, it’s not Walter White.
“It could have been an Ann Summers party or a young girl who’s had them and didn’t know what to do with them and slung it in the back,” said Christine Davis, one of those aforementioned locals. “Either way they really shouldn’t have been there.”
It’s true – they shouldn’t have been there, because pleasure products ought to have a deposit associated with them, like glass bottles did back in the day, or at least a pink curbside bin all their own from which they can be delivered to a proper sex toy recycling center.
Or just wash them off and put up them on Ebay. That will work, too. Just do us all a favor and don’t toss them in the nearest river – or onto a street in a Somerset town.
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