Blissful Coital Peace or Awkward Sexual Silence?

Blissful Coital Peace or Awkward Sexual Silence?

Much of the time when she hears about a “shocking celebrity sex confession” or an allegedly “kinky sex habit” of a famous person, Calico finds herself disappointed once she has gotten the whole scoop.

Half the time, the celeb in question has ‘confessed’ to something incredibly mundane (“I just love doggie style!”), or so commonplace it would only be news if they didn’t like it (this just in: well-performed oral sex feels quite good to receive).

This isn’t to say celebrities never have anything interesting to say about sex or their sex lives, just that most of the time, these more interesting things aren’t so much about specific fantasies and sex acts as they are personal observations and proclivities.

For example, Cara Delevingne recently revealed something about her sex life that is neither scandalous nor particularly kinky. It has led Calico to reconsider an aspect her own sex life, though — making her reflect on encounters long ago in her past and whether she has long been wrong in her thinking about what made those encounters so hot.

What is it from Calico’s sexual past that Delevingne’s musings have awakened? Does it involve a sexual position she can no longer make at her age? Is her husband capable of following suit? Should she even ask him to try? Read on for more in Calico’s latest post: “Blissful Coital Peace or Awkward Sexual Silence?” 

– Calico Rudasill,

shower sex
shower sex

Read On…

Most of the time, when I read a celebrity’s “sex confession,” I’m overwhelmed by how kinky it isn’t

It does not blow my mind, or even mildly stir my mind for that matter, to know that Scarlett Johannson “love(s) sex in a car.”

“If I were in a really raunchy frame of mind, the back seat would be it,” ScarJo adds. (Honestly, the “really raunchy” part there only makes sense to me if she’s using “back seat” euphemistically.)

But Has He Ever Sucked Someone’s Pee-Sprinkled Toes in the Back Seat of a Car?

Sure, every so often you’ll hear a celeb say something about sex that will raise your eyebrows a notch, like Ricky Martin proclaiming: “I love giving the golden shower.”

ricky martin shower sex
Ricky Martin

“I’ve done it before in the shower,” Ricky helpfully added. “It’s like so sexy, you know, the temperature of your body and the shower water is very different.”

From his explanation, I can’t help but wonder if Ricky’s observation about the difference in body (and urine) temperature and shower water temperature comes from conversations with his partner, or if living the vida loca might include being on the receiving end of those showers from time to time, as well.

Usually, though, the kind of kink that gets celeb magazine headline writers hot and bothered more along the lines of the Brooks Laich/Julianne Hough/toe-sucking revelation – which, according to Julianne, isn’t even really a thing, or at least, not the thing Brooks described.

“There was definitely something he misquoted on one of his podcast episodes, though,” Julianne explains. “I was like, ‘Let me clear that up.’ He likes to suck on my toes, I don’t like it!”

Quiet Sex = Hot Sex?

More interesting to me that celebrity sex “confessions” are the conversations that reveal something more than just an act enjoyed, a kink explored, or a foreign object occasionally in need of being surgically removed.

I was intrigued by Cara Delevingne’s thoughts on having quiet sex, for example – and her comment that she’d previously been “conditioned” to make loud noises when having an orgasm.

“When you just try and not make, like, any noise, you feel it way more, and it’s like, ‘Whoa!’,” Cara says. “I remember stopping making any noise or trying to really maintain it and it’s so hot.”

My own experiences having intentionally quiet sex have mostly been rooted in the desire to not be heard by other people nearby – roommates, neighbors, or most crucially, if you go back far enough in my life, parents. 

I do recall having very hot sex on several of these occasions, but I’d always attributed that to the circumstances, including a little thrill at the idea of being heard despite our best efforts (a thrill that was not present when the third party we were trying not to be heard by was my or my partner’s parents, I should emphasize.) 

Leave it to My Husband to Find the Weirdest Angle

I don’t think I’m particularly loud during sex, but in married life, I’ve rarely felt any need to hush things up during sex life, either. We’ve primarily had sex at home, our house is at a decent remove from the neighbors and our cat doesn’t seem bothered, so why hold back, right?

Reading what Cara Delevingne has to say about quiet sex has me wondering, though: Maybe I should try to avoid making any noise at all and see if it enhances my pleasure? Maybe holding back, on sex-noise, at least, has its advantages?

This notion raises some practical questions, of course. Do I tell my husband in advance that I’m going to do it, or would that spoil things? Should I ask him to be quiet, too? Can he be quiet? I mean, he’s no yeller in bed, but his grunts occasionally do become reminiscent of a nature documentary about primates.

Finally, I decide to follow my own advice and communicate clearly with my partner about sex.

“Honey,” I say, first making sure I have successfully pried his attention away from the television, “do you think it would be hot if I were to make absolutely no noise when we had sex? Or do you think that might be awkward?”

Giving me a thoughtful look, he then pulls his favorite stalling maneuver, taking a sip of coffee.

“Will you still move?” he asks, finally.

“Of course!” I exclaim.

“OK good,” he said, returning his eyes to the TV screen. “I’m not into that necro-play stuff.”

Hmm. If he knows he’s not into necro-play, this suggests he has tried it and found it not to his liking. Should I inquire further? Do I want to know? Is it possible I know that little about a man I’ve been married to for almost 20 years? Am I on the cusp of being the focus of a Lifetime movie?

You know what? I’m just going to stick to making as much, or as little, sex-noise as a I always make – and file this whole thing under the ever-growing “Sorry I Asked” category of married life.

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