In My College Days, This Sex Toy Security Design Might Have Backfired

In My College Days, This Sex Toy Product Design Might Have Backfired

Calico is getting ready to leave town on vacation and finds herself confronting the age-old dilemma of paranoiacs the world over: “Where do I hide all my valuables, cherished knick-knacks and other nice shit?”

With a house sitter lined up who is at least 87% trustworthy, part of Calico feels silly for even giving it all a second thought. If she’s trusting him to feed the cat and water the plants, why doesn’t she trust him to NOT rifle through drawers and paw through closets?

Part of the problem is mild trauma Calico still harbors from her college days, when she believes her trust was violated by a roommate who found her stash of sex toys. She can’t prove her suspicions, of course (this is Calico we’re talking about; when has she ever proven anything?), but just recalling those suspicions has her nervous about leaving town — and has her browsing through various stash safe products, asking herself which one her house sitter would be least likely to check out.

What sort of stash safe will Calico settle upon? Why does all this have her thinking about the sex toys she used back in her college days? What if the house gets broken into by a compulsive masturbator? Feast on Calico’s irrational angst in her new post, “In My College Days, This Product Design Might Have Backfired.”  

– Calico Rudasill, Award-Winning Adult Entertainment 

Sex Toy

Read on…

I’m usually not one to bring up old conflicts, hold onto grudges, or call into the question the character of people who aren’t there to defend themselves – but Halloween season is a special occasion, so I’m going to do all those things in a single post.

Reopening the Cold Case of the Hot Drawer

To be clear, I can’t offer ironclad proof of what I’m about to claim, as the evidence has all been lost to history – and in a couple cases, lost to massive trash bins into which me and my fellow students used to unceremoniously (and often carelessly) dump our unwanted possessions at the end of each semester.

Anyway, here is the accusation: My old college roommate, Shelly, would sometimes use my vibrator, then tuck it back into my dresser drawer without saying anything.

I’m not going to get into the details of why I believe this to be so, other than to say I was very thorough about cleaning the vibrator after each use – and there were several occasions in which I found it to be in… well, less than thoroughly cleansed condition. Let’s just leave it at that.

Vacation Time = Home Security Paranoia Time

So, why bring up my suspicion that my former roommate used my vibrator a few times without asking back in the early 90s? Well, this week I’ve been thinking a lot about home security and about having people I don’t know or trust very well around my house. My husband and I are taking a trip next month and his friend Greg will be house sitting and taking care of the cat while we’re out of town.

I think we can trust Greg and my husband is convinced I’m insane for even thinking we might not be able to trust Greg, that doesn’t mean I want to take the chance of him stumbling across anything of temptation-inducing value, or that I wouldn’t want anyone else handling.

Some of the items I’m concerned about are quite small, so it occurred to me that I might be able to secure them in a simple stash safe, so Greg won’t even have to face the potential temptation. But what sort of stash safe should I obtain?

What’s The Last Place He’d Look?

There’s the classic Coke can stash safe, the household cleaner stash safe, ye olde book stash safe, the Chef Boyardee Beef Ravioli can stash safe and… the sex toy stash safe?

I figure a sex toy stash safe placed in the same drawer as my actual sex toys might be a great deterrent, should Greg go snooping around in our drawers – which, again, I think there’s less than a 12.4619% chance of, but that’s still too far above a 0% chance for my liking.

Alas, before I could long consider whether buying the sex toy stash safe would be a good solution, I discover the decoy sex toy in question is man’s sex toy anyway!

Brian Sloan, the inventor of both the Autoblow and the Autoblow Decoy Safe, says that “Every time I show my family or friends my new inventions, they are always afraid to touch them, asking first if I’d used them.” 

“That gave me the idea that burglars must also have the same natural aversion to handling used sex toys, which I realized could be used against them,” Brian reasoned. “Even the most debased burglar probably wouldn’t fiddle with a used Autoblow covered in lubricant. It truly is the safest place on earth to put your valuables.“

Brian has a point here. If my husband owned an Autoblow, I certainly would expect him to clean it, handle it, store it and everything else that could be done with it. I’m guessing Greg would feel the same way, were he to stumble across it.

This also got me thinking about the potential utility of dildo and vibrator stash safes – which would probably work out great… unless Shelly was the burglar.

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