“Would You Rather…”, Dating Edition
The first time someone got Calico to play the conversation-starter game “would you rather…”, Calico was in the fifth grade. She can’t remember all the questions raised that day, but she does remember more than one of them involved eating worms. (Hey — cut her and her grade school peers some slack; it was the fifth grade and the year was 1970-something)
Over the years since then, Calico has mostly found herself irritated by the ‘would you rather’ game, mostly because it seems to quickly devolve into a search for the most ludicrous hypothetical to offer, rather than sparking any sort of interesting conversation. (“Would you rather ride a unicorn through someone’s small intestine, or eat a bucketful of drywall nails?”)
This week, Calico may have finally stumbled across a new genre of would you rather questions that does the trick for her, however. It’s a spin on the game that invites us to ponder the sort of person we’d truly like to share time with, to contemplate the foundations of intimate relationships — or, at the very least, which invites us to ponder the question: “Aimless man or sex freak.”
Where does Calico come down on this important question? What, precisely, is it that makes the man in question a “sex freak” anyway? Isn’t it more irritating than fun to pretend the world is divided into a bunch of unlikely binary choices? Get the scoop in Calico’s new post “‘Would You Rather…’, Dating Edition'”
– Calico Rudasill, Sssh.com Porn Movies For Women and Couples
Read On…
At some point in your life, someone has probably gotten you to play the “Would You Rather” game, in which you address various hypothetical, fanciful, often ridiculous choices, like “Would you rather win the lottery or live twice as long?” or “Would you rather lose the ability to read or lose the ability to speak?” or “Would you rather fart every time you laugh or burp every time you cry?”
Typically, my reaction to being asked that sort of thing is akin to a line from Moneyball: Are those my only two options?
Most of the time, I look at these “conversation starters” and think I’d rather literally talk about the weather, with all the cliché implications of doing so, than pointlessly discuss absurdly unlikely binary choices like “Would You Rather Fight 100 Duck Sized Horses Or 1 Horse Sized Duck?”
Some would you rather questions are more engaging than others, though. My favorite kind, something I didn’t know until this week, turns out to be the dating-related would you rather question.
Granted, the person posing the question didn’t quite put it in the traditional would you rather format, but I still think it should count: “Do I pick the aimless guy or the sex freak?”
Now you’re talking my language!
On the Other Hand, “Aimless & Sex Freak” Would be an Awesome Name for a Law Firm
Before reading the post, which as it turns out is a letter to Toronto Star advice columnist Ellie Tesher, my off the cuff response was decidedly in favor of the sex freak – but that really just speaks to my embedded pro sex freak bias, so let’s hear more about the would you rather scenario before making up our minds too definitively.
“I married my high-school sweetheart,” it begins – and already I’m confused, because it sure sounds like she’s already made a choice, regardless of whether her high school sweetheart was the sex freak or the aimless guy.
“Ultimately, we divorced — the best and hardest decision I made for myself,” she continues.
Ah, I see: You divorced your high school sweetheart, who may or may not have been an aimless sex freak, and now you face a different sort of dilemma. Right?
“Currently, I’m dating two men. One, protective and smart, definitely doesn’t want a family but can’t imagine his life without me. He’s a rebel who can drive me mad, but I love his attention and affection… Yet his life path is unclear. He doesn’t set any goals.”
Aha! This must be Mr. Aimless. Pleased to meet you, sir.
“The other man’s more mature, with his goals established. He brings out my adventurous side and makes life meaningful… However, I’m not attracted to him and actually cringe when he tries to hold my hand. Our goals align, we love the same activities and adventures, we both love our families. But he’s a sex freak and I’m not.”
Oh my.
Would You Rather… Oh Come On; We All Clearly See the Answer to This One
I think we’re trending towards a clear, decisive answer here – which is kind of rare when it comes to would you rather discussions, in my experience.
“He speaks to me in a disgusting way about sex,” the letter continues. “I’ve repeatedly told him how gross it makes me feel… I’ve periodically blocked him from texting me because everything he says is related to sex! We’ve never been intimate, at my request.”
Is it just me, or does she sound like she’s made up her mind and just doesn’t know it?
“The other man holds me to a higher respect. I love being intimate and affectionate with him. He doesn’t have savings or a single goal but I’m truly happy with him.”
OK, so once properly reformatted, the question here is this: “Would you rather date a sex freak with whom you will never have sex because he disgusts you, or a boring but sweet guy who you really should dump before the two of you hit retirement age, or you’re going to wind up plowing through your own savings to help take care of him?”
You know, as excited as I was for this manner of would you rather discussion, I’m quite disappointed after reading further and putting the question in its appropriate format. Not only did we never get to hear what specifically makes her one lover a “sex freak”, it only took a few paragraphs for an obvious answer to emerge: If I were her, I would totally fight the horse-sized duck.
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