Sex Humor – My Ugly Penis

by Lola Lovely at Badoink Magazine.

Judging from the amount of dick pics I see on adult dating sites, I always assumed that men had no problems with their penises. That is until I heard a guy friend of mine tell me he thought he had an ugly penis. I sat there, kinda not sure what to do with that. I’ve dealt with women who hated their vaginas. They even made a whole play about it. Vagina hating is so prevalent that there are support groups out there helping you love your labias again. In fact we take it a step further, taking you all the way into your cervix to make sure you are loving your vagina to the fullest.

So had he had two flaps with knock together, I would’ve been there, pamphlets in hand, ready to make a mold of his vagina to help him on his journey. But no, he had a penis. And I was stumped. I never really thought about men not liking how their penises looked like – especially since they’re ever willing to swing it around with abandon.

I understand that it took a lot for my friend to admit this to me – but that is what is so worrying. Men aren’t allowed to talk about this shit, in fact they would be either ridiculed or told to just suck it up and stop being a ‘girl’.

This isn’t a, “aww poor men” article. This is a call to equality. If we’re allowed to talk about our vags, then men should also be allowed to open up about their junk without being ridiculed. And we should also know what to say to them in a situation like this. I was at a loss, but I wish I could’ve offered more support.

“Oh don’t be silly, it’s beautiful!”

“Why do you think so, don’t think that way!”

Everything I threw out felt empty because they weren’t sincere, there was no way I could relate. I hate being in a situation like this because I would like to say I am waist deep in sexuality, and yet I could offer my friend nothing more than empty shit that I would get annoyed if a man said to me.

How does one go about addressing an issue such as this one? I won’t suggest a Penis Appreciation Society because like I mentioned earlier, men seem to appreciate their penises enough. But how do we do this without making it ridiculous. I would like to know that if I ever have son, should he feel things like this (and I hope he doesn’t) that he has places to turn to in his time of need. I’d really like to know if any of you know men who think they have ugly penises and how you handled it?

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