Tips For Making Truly Realistic Sex Manbots

by Calico Rudasill, Sssh.com Porn For Women

Whenever I read an article about hyper-realistic sex dolls, or the prospect of futuristic sex robots, I’m always struck by how male-focused these markets, and the discussion around them, remains.

Take, for instance, this article about “James,” a particularly passionate Real Doll customer; it’s completely focused on the male perspective, the potential for female sex robots, and how such can be made more fulfilling for the menfolk who will purchase and adore them.

“When I take April out it’s usually to a hamburger place where we can stop and get a bite to eat,” James says, adding “a lot of people don’t even notice she is not a breathing person.”

Right; you carry her in under your arm, plop her down in a booth, and people don’t realize she’s not your creepily-younger human date, because they figure you’re the sort of asshole who takes a woman on a date, but doesn’t buy her anything to eat.

Or maybe James does buy her a burger, then weirdly shovels it into her mouth, and nobody notices April’s expression never changes, even as this weird older man forcibly washes down her meal by tilting back her silicon head and dumping a diet soda down her gullet.

Manbots Interactivity Can Be Somewhat Limited

In any event, nobody seems to be giving much thought to male sex dolls or robots, or how to make such more realistic, creating the kind of user-experience which women would recognize as being human male-like, so I thought I’d chip in my two cents – or, given the not-so-low price of these creepy fucking things, maybe I should say my 82,000 cents.

First, though, let’s hear from the horse’s mouth what the creator of Real Dolls believes his robochicks will need to feature, to assure they tickle his customers’ collective fancy.

“I want to put a camera in her like a iPhone so she can recognize if she is indoors or outdoors and be able to recognize her own over someone that she has never met,” says Matt McMullen of The Real Doll Company and Realbotix. “She could see and recognize people and assign names to them and recall information about them, so she could say ‘Hi bob, how is work over at the construction site?’”

This sounds nice, but McMullen should make sure his robot-woman is prepared for the guy to respond by mumbling vaguely in her direction then asking what’s for dinner.

This brings me to the first point of differentiation between the requirements of male sex robots and their female compatriots; in the case of the manbots, the interactivity needn’t be extensive for them to rival their human equivalent.

So long as my manbot can stare at a computer screen while murmuring something useful like “Um-hmm” in response to questions such as “Honey, did you remember to call the insurance company today?” or “Did you turn off the hose out back?” or “How many of your friend are coming over Friday night?” I won’t be able to tell it’s not my husband.

One Word: “Robosplaining”

While my manbot doesn’t need to be able to address most of my questions in any detail, if the manufacturer wants to make it a truly realistic ‘mansperience,’ it’s crucial he comes equipped with the ability to be maddeningly condescending in explaining incredibly simple concepts to me, especially with respect to topics with which I’m already familiar.

Also, to effectively simulate pre- and post-sex conversation, the manbot must have the ability to tell me the same stories over and over, no matter how clear it is I’m not listening, or even remotely interested in what he’s saying.

To truly cement the verisimilitude of the manbot, he will also need to occasional ask me questions which make it clear he wasn’t listening to the last several thousand words I said to him. For example, if I’ve just dictated the entire contents of a grocery list to the manbot, he should wait a few minutes, then say “I’m heading to the grocery store now; is there anything you’d like me to pick up for you?”

Just make sure he’s also able to duck flying toasters and/or swinging rolling pins.

Crucial Sexual Capabilities Of The Manbot

For me to have a satisfying manbot sexual experience, it’s important for him to take direction, faithfully execute my commands and keep his goddam mouth shut, unless I tell him otherwise, or the sex act I’ve asked him to perform requires him to open it.

Naturally, my manbot can never be permitted to reach orgasm before I have – or to reach it at all, unless or until I say it’s OK. And when he does orgasm, I’d prefer it be a dry orgasm. (I’ve had plenty of semen on and in me and my bedsheets for one lifetime, thank you very much.)

I don’t want a manbot to come with some sort of stock library of “dirty talk” which he draws upon at random. If I want to hear his voice during sex, I’ll bloody well tell him what to say – and if he ever calls me “mommy” or says any other creepy thing along those lines out of the blue, I swear to god his Ken-doll-like head is going straight into the fucking garbage disposal.

There you go, Realbotix: everything you ever wanted to know about how to build a realistic, enjoyable manbot, but were afraid to ask… presumably because asking would require you to interact with an actual woman.