Three’s A (Frequently Fantasized About) Crowd
There’s no limit to the number and variety of sexual fantasies out there, from the tame and mundane to the wild and beyond the pale. One question people often ask — especially once they know you work in porn — is what are the most common sexual fantasies?
A new book endeavors to answer that question, drawing on a detailed survey of over 4000 Americans, age 18-87. Not too surprisingly, the most common sexual fantasy involves something Calico’s male classmates tried to talk her into many times during her college years. As it turns out, it’s not just popular among college guys, it’s a fantasy popular among practically everybody.
Read all about it in Calico’s latest post, “Three’s A (Frequently Fantasized About) Crowd”
by Calico Rudasill, Sssh.com porn for Women
In addition to writing posts like this one, I’ve done all kinds of other work within the adult entertainment industry over the years.
I’ve done everything from working as a hostess at a party which centered around people filming a massive orgy, to endless hours of video capture work (to give you an idea when I got started on that, the first time I did it I was digitizing content from a VHS tape as a source), to equally countless hours entering things like scene descriptions into content management databases and all kinds of other crap which is too mundane and uninteresting to recount here.
Along the way, one of my favorite tasks was moderating and editing user-submitted sexual fantasies for site I helped run back in the late 90s.
Is There A Straight Guy Who HASN’T Tried To Arrange A Threesome?
When I say I “edited” these submissions, I’m just talking about fixing obvious typos and misspellings; I was always careful not to put words in our contributors’ mouths – or attribute fantasies to them they didn’t harbor.
As the months went by, I kept a sort of mental tally of the most common fantasies. Without a doubt, among our users, who overwhelmingly self-identified as straight men, the top fantasy was engaging in a threesome with two women.
This didn’t exactly come as a shock to me, considering that not many years previous, I’d been in college – where roughly 100% of the guys I ever spoke to about sex would bring up the notion of a threesome in some fashion.
Among the guys I dated, if they didn’t try to talk me into being part of a threesome with them, they would still broach the topic at some point. I always assumed the hypothetical “Does that idea turn you on?” kind of question wasn’t really a hypothetical, but a testing of the waters to see how many boats I’d float, so to speak.
Survey Says…. Group Sex!
Now, many years later, there’s a new book which suggests that old site’s users were even more representative of the general population than I’d realized.
According to Dr. Justin Lehmiller, author of Tell Me What You Want: The Science of Sexual Desire and How It Can Help You Improve Your Sex Life, the most popular sexual fantasy among Americans is group sex.
“More than one-third of my participants described it as their favorite fantasy of all time, and when asked if they had ever fantasized about multipartner sex before – not just whether it was their favorite fantasy – the vast majority of both men and women agreed,” Lehmiller said.
This is the point in the narrative when I flash back to my data entry days – and immediately think to myself: Please define the following: “Group sex.”
As it turns out, Lehmiller does break it down a bit more precisely than simply calling anything involving more than two people as group sex, although the term is still used as such a catchall to cover his subcategories.
“89% reported fantasizing about threesomes, 74% about orgies and 61% about gangbangs,” he explained, adding that while all of these were more common fantasies among male respondents (who’d have thunk it, right?), “the majority of women reported having each of these sex fantasies as well.”
Why Do We Fantasize About Group Sex? Variety Is The Spice of (Our Sex) Life
If you’re in a long-term, monogamous relationship in which you’ve been faithful to your partner, chances are you’ve found yourself bored with your sex life at some point.
If this isn’t the case, you’re either very fortunate, or unwilling to be honest with yourself on this point. And according to Lehmiller, this may be why group sex and threesomes are such common fantasies.
“It’s human nature to grow bored with sexual routines and it’s easy to fall into a routine when you have just one partner for a very long period of time,” Lehmiller said. “Group sex provides an opportunity to spice things up. Nonmonogamy is appealing to many people because it’s hard for one partner to be everything to us in all ways.”
I can’t disagree with this – particularly not right this moment, when my husband is walking around without a shirt on. Without getting into too much visceral detail about that visual, let’s just say it isn’t quite as enjoyable a spectacle as it was 25 years ago…
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