While Calico likes to think of herself as open-minded, willing to try new fantasies, and sexually liberated things, it’s hard to square all that with another of her traits — severe jealousy when it comes to the notion of anyone else touching her husband’s genitals, or receiving his sexual attention.
After reading a post written by a husband who’s in an open relationship with his wife, one in which they tell each other in great detail about their sexual encounters with other people, she decided it was time to grow up, face her anxiety and maybe even overcome her jealousy. She wasn’t about to jump right in and suggest that they open up their marriage, or even talk about past sex partners. Instead, she’d start slow — by asking her husband to tell her about his first kiss — and then they could work their way up to more intense and intimate territory from there.
So, how did Calico’s personal growth experiment turn out? Has she confronted her jealousy and overcome it? Decide for yourself after reading her latest post, “On Second Thought, Don’t Tell Me”
by Calico Rudasill, Sssh.com Porn For Women
Like pretty much every couple, my husband and I have hit some rough patches in our relationship over the years. Back when we were dating, long before we got engaged, we had a huge fight which ended with me storming out the door, going over to an ex-boyfriend’s house and fucking his brains out.
At the time, I thought of it as a twist on the revenge fuck concept – although to be honest, all these years later, I can’t even remember what we’d fought about, or why I thought it was something which necessitated revenge.
At any rate, years after the fact, I admitted the one-night revenge stand to my husband (who was still my fiancé at that point), only to discover he’d known about it for years. Apparently, he and my revenge-lover had run into each other at a bar one night, and the guy had drunk himself into an apologetic stupor, so he spilled the beans.
“Why didn’t you ever confront me about it?” I asked at the time.
“What would the point of doing that been?” my then- fiancé responded, shrugging. “What’s done is done – and who’s done is done, too.”
I’ll admit, I was sort of in awe of him in that moment. I mean, how confident and mature is that? It was especially so coming from a guy who had just finished a ridiculously long marathon videogaming session about 10 minutes prior to the conversation.
One Woman’s Turn-On is Another Woman’s Freakout
The reason I got to thinking about the time I strayed is a post in the “My life in sex” series published by The Guardian. The post is about a man whose marriage has become an “open” one, by way of finding out that he and his wife both get turned on by hearing the other one talk about their sexual experiences outside the of marriage.
The unidentified man describes how he and his wife had moved out to a rural area, a change which didn’t sit well with him.
“Eventually I betrayed her, having an affair with a business contact,” the man writes. “When the truth came out, my wife demanded answers and I wrote her an email detailing the history of our relationship from my perspective. In it, I admitted that in order to reach orgasm during sex, I’d often imagine her with other men. In return, she revealed that she’d had revenge sex with a colleague after learning of my affair. I found her account very erotic, and soon we were sharing stories of other flings, kisses and flirtations that had occurred during our 12-year relationship. We had sex often during this time.”
Wherein We Discover I’m Maybe A Little Irrational at Times
While part of me likes to think I’m open, spontaneous and adventurous enough to at give a try at mutually discussing past sexual partners and encounters, another, larger part of me immediately screams “That’s MINE – keep your filthy hands off!!!” any time I think about my husband’s penis being stroked, sucked or enveloped by anything other than part of my body.
And yes – this extends to masturbation. Sure, I accept as a matter of fact that my husband (just like the 61% of all men who aren’t liars on the subject) masturbates – but somehow that doesn’t help me shake the idea that when he jerks off, what he’s really doing is cheating on me with his hands.
Yeah, yeah I know – it’s silly, immature, possessive and all that crap…. But I yam what I yam, as a famous old spinach-eating sailor puts it.
Let’s Start Slow: Tell Me About Your First Kiss
Since I do occasionally try to kickstart my personal growth and work on areas in which I need to improve, I decided to try tackling my jealousy head-on, using an approach like the one described by the anonymous letter writer published by The Guardian.
I wasn’t about to jump straight to having my husband describe his past sexual encounters, however; that would be like starting an effort to overcome my fear of heights by bungee jumping off a bridge. Instead, I decided to ask him about his first kiss. Even I couldn’t get bent out of shape over the description of a long-ago kiss between two kids, right?
“I don’t remember my first kiss,” my husband said. “How about the first kiss I truly remember?”
Sure – that’ll work. I mean, how bad could it be?
“It was this girl Lena,” he began, already more excited than I’d hoped. “I’m still not sure how I managed to get her to date me. She was sooo out of my leag–”
At this point I stood up like the couch pillow had delivered my buttocks an electric shock and interrupted with a series of sentence fragments that sounded vaguely like Dana Carvey’s George HW Bush imitation.
“Enough. Stop. Changed my mind. Don’t want to hear it.”
So much for my personal growth experiment, eh? Think I’ll suggest we establish a “couple’s videogaming night” instead. I mean, they say that couples who game together stay together, after all.
Plus, that way if I start feeling jealous for any reason, at least I can virtually shoot him in the face.
Calico’s work has appeared under various pen names in adult industry trade journals and on several mainstream op-ed portals, including the Huffington Post.
Latest posts by Calico Rudasil (see all)
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- Is It Just Me, Or Are Sex Astrologists Getting Lazier? - May 6, 2019