They Forgot One: Familiarity Breeds Meh
When a person doesn’t want to have sex, what drives their lack of desire? An article Calico read recently endeavors to answer that question, offering eight different reasons why people find themselves unaroused and uninterested. It’s a good list, with plenty of truth to it. It includes things such as excessive stress, hormonal causes, experiencing pain during sex and several other things which no reasonable person would argue with. Calico can’t help but wonder, though — is the list complete? If not, what else might we add to it? Find out Calico’s answers in her latest post, “They Forgot One: Familiarity Breeds Meh.”
by Calico Rudasill, Sssh.com Porn For Women and Couples
Outside of the most sexually-insatiable among us – those who have had the descriptor “sex addict” applied to them – we all have those times when sex just isn’t what we want, even if we’re generally very happy with our sex life and partner(s).
While I can’t argue with the list of reasons people might not want sex given in the article, I can’t help but think it’s missing a few items.
Does Wanting To Kick His Balls Straight Into His Esophagus Fall Under “Stress” Or “Trust Issues”?
While the list does reference several interpersonal issues which I’m sure do often plague sexual relationships – like bad sex and “trust issues” – it doesn’t address one which would be near the top of my own list: Those times when I’m just plain pissed off at the smug, arrogant, selfish motherfucker who lives in my house my husband.
Try as he might to make me do so, the truth is I never stop loving my husband. This doesn’t mean there aren’t nights when I’d rather that he slept at the bottom of the swimming pool than in our bed, much less touch me with sexual intent.
Frankly, it’s a good thing for him that bad sex isn’t one of our issues, because knowing I’ll likely have a solid, satisfying orgasm the next time we fuck is sometimes the only thing keeping me from adding rat poison to his morning coffee when he’s not looking.
Sisyphus Isn’t The Only One Who Grows Weary Of Routine
I probably shouldn’t admit this, but if there’s one thing I miss from my youth, it’s promiscuity. When I was in college, for example, the only thing stopping me from having sex with a different guy every day was the lack of 365 male acquaintances with whom I wanted to have sex.
Now, after nearly 20 years with the same partner, there are times I’d rather get a root canal than perform oral sex on him – which is a problem on occasion, because like most of us, he really likes oral sex, and being on the receiving end of it, in particular.
The problem isn’t that our sex is routine (we try new things quite a lot, really, despite my tendency to jest to the contrary), it’s just that I sometimes (OK, often) find myself fantasizing about doing some of those same things with someone else – maybe even anyone else.
In talking to my girlfriends who are in long-term relationships and/or marriages, I’ve found this is not an uncommon sentiment. Why our slightly softened version of the old saying “familiarity breeds contempt” (call it, perhaps, “familiarity breeds meh”) isn’t on this list of reasons why people don’t want sex is a mystery to me, because I feel like it’s something everyone – male and female – who has ever been in a long relationship probably has experienced, in one form or another.
File Under “Not Applicable”
As I read to the end of the list of reasons why people don’t want sex, I’m comforted by the fact I’ll never confront one of them, at least.
“If you were raised in a place where most folks, for religious or cultural reasons, felt that sex is bad or to be feared, you might suppress your own early sexual exploration,” explains Dr. Rachel Carlton Abrams, the author of BodyWise: Discovering Your Body’s Intelligence for Lifelong Health and Healing. “Early fears of sexuality remain with us once we are adults and can be difficult to shake.”
Given that my older sisters regularly (and loudly) talked about sex around the house and my mother, once she’d had enough wine, encouraged such discourse, I feel confident I’m not secretly harboring fears of sexuality.
As for my husband… if he’s what fear of sexuality looks like in a man, I’d like to see what a man who doesn’t fear sex is like!
No, seriously – I’d like to see that very soon. How does 8pm Friday sound?
Calico’s work has appeared under various pen names in adult industry trade journals and on several mainstream op-ed portals, including the Huffington Post.
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