There’s A Penis Size Insult In Here Somewhere, But I’ll Refrain

There’s A Penis Size Insult In Here Somewhere, But I’ll Refrain. Where would the world be without science? Well, for starters, if you’re reading this at night, without science you’d be reading it by torchlight and all that food in your fridge would be rotting a whole lot faster. It’s also true the world would be a lot less entertaining, because among the other things they do, scientists are always coming up with weird new stuff to study.

For example, even though it’s probably not crucial to humanity that we understand what makes a fruit fly cum, scientists have explored that question anyway, subjecting these poor flies to all kinds of strange, perverse experimentation along the way. Read all about it in Calico’s latest post, “There’s A Penis Size Insult In Here Somewhere, But I’ll Refrain.” …

by Calico Rudasill, Porn For Women

You’ve just gotta love science. Even if you don’t trust some (or all) of the conclusions reached by scientists (which many people don’t), you can’t deny the world would be a much less interesting place if it weren’t for scientists and their drive to build on humanity’s collective knowledge base.

Granted, some scientific inquiries are less entertaining than others. For instance, I don’t much care whether sparkling water is as healthy as regular water, but I can read all day about the possibility that some ancient Mesopotamians were psychotropic drug fiends.

The science of sex is very interesting too, of course. Some sexual science is quite intuitive (I mean, who didn’t see it coming that algae protects itself from free radicals by having sex?), while other research into sex yields surprising results, like the fact the manifestation of obesity-induced inflammation is “characterized by different patterns of metabolic profile of phagocytes in male and female rat” – a conclusion I find surprising mostly because I have no fucking idea what it means.

There are also times when I’m convinced the only reason a research team explored a subject in the first place is because one (or more) of the researchers involved has a very strange kink she or he wants to subsidize with grant money.

A kink like making fruit flies ejaculate, for example.

File Under “Duh”: Males Of All Kinds Really Like To Cum

The full name of the study in which scientists evidently jerked-off some fruit flies is “Ejaculation Induced by the Activation of Crz Neurons Is Rewarding to Drosophila Males” – a conclusion which I don’t find surprising, despite not knowing what it means, because in my experience, males of our species certainly find ejaculation “rewarding,” basically regardless of how it is achieved.

Plus, if you’re a male fruit fly, it sounds like just about any research into your response to ejaculation is preferable to some of the past research cruel, morally-bankrupt scientists have performed on these poor creatures.

fruit fly penis

After all, as Alan Burdick of The New Yorker noted in his piece about this study, “scientists already know a fair amount about fruit-fly intimacies” – and a couple of the things they know are that a “male’s penis has sharp hooks and spines that serve as Velcro, letting it keep hold of the female” and “males rendered barbless by a laser are consistently unable to mate.”

Males rendered barbless by a laser?

Hearing that, I don’t even want to know what those other scientists did to the protective-sex-having algae referenced earlier. The sick bastards probably doused it all with chlorine just to see if that made any male alga lose its slime-erection.

On Second Thought, File Under “Sorry I Asked”

So, how did these perverse, fly-jacking researchers make the fruit flies cum, you ask? OK, so you didn’t ask, but I’m going to tell you anyway, if only to demonstrate fruit fly-molesting scientists aren’t the only ones around here capable of being cruel weirdos.

“To perform the experiment, the researchers began by genetically engineering their own type of male fly, such that they could control its production of corazonin, the protein that prompts ejaculation, using red light,” Burdick explains.

See? We’re less than one full paragraph into this explanation and already we’ve got scientists genetically engineering special male flies, just to satisfy their lascivious, oddball curiosity.

Next, the research team “created a special enclosure for the flies, with one side lit in red. Before long, they noted that the genetically engineered males, when given a choice, preferred hanging out in the red-light district.”

OK, now I’m starting to think these scientists are just fly-orgasm-trolling us. But let’s keep reading, because any second now, I just know we’re going to get to the part where some lab coat-wearing guy who looks like a young Rick Moranis shrinks himself down to a size where he can successfully stick his dick in some poor fruit fly’s ass.

“The researchers then associated the excited state with a specific odor – and again, given a choice, the male flies preferred the area with the smell that reminded them of ejaculation.”

DUDE. Sooooo gross.

You know what? Somehow, this is even worse than my mental image of Rick Moranis fucking a fruit fly in the butt – because now I’m wondering if the real reason my husband is so insistent on using the same pillow every night is because he’s secretly been ejaculating on the damn thing when I’m not around, and now he’s addicted to its smell.

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