A lot of sex surveys are silly, off-base or filled with responses which seem more like made-up figures designed to produce outrageous headlines, rather than represent legitimate responses from survey-takers. This is not the case with the latest survey Calico has stumbled across though, which asked people about their initial sexual encounters with new partners, revealing that about 60% of relationships start out with “terrible” sex.
So, what constitutes bad sex? Are women more likely to be upset about a lack of foreplay, or their partner’s reticence to perform oral sex on them than their male counterparts? Does *anybody* like having sex on dirty sheets? Find out in Calico’s latest post, “Survey Says… Most First-Time Sex Is Awful.”
by Calico Rudasill, Sssh.com Porn For Women
While I love reading the results of sex surveys, I also often find their results hard to relate to. That’s not the case with the latest of such surveys I’ve stumbled across, though – which covers its respondents impressions, reactions and anxieties surrounding first-time sexual encounters.
When I think back to the first time I had sex with any of my partners from over the decades, what stands out is often an awkward moment, a bout of pre-sex nervousness, or the post-sex feeling that my hopes and fantasies had crashed head-first into a reality which didn’t quite stack up to my expectations.
And while it’s not clear to me whether this offered a response like “right after cumming he immediately ran off to the sink to wash off his junk” as a something which constitutes a bad sexual experience for women, a lot what I see in the responses does ring true – and all too familiar.
First Impressions Are Overrated
One of the things which stood out to me immediately about the responses to the survey (which was conducted by OnePoll on behalf of Pure Romance) was that “6 in 10 Americans admit to starting off a relationship with terrible sex,” while at the same time, respondents also overwhelmingly indicated that bad first-time sex was not a deal breaker.
56% of those taking the survey “had awkward or simply terrible first-time experiences in the bedroom,” according to a press release which accompanied the survey results. “But, only three in 10 Americans say they’d break things off with someone if the sex was not good the first-time.”
This is heartening to hear – not just because I firmly believe that sex gets better as we become more familiar with our partners, but also because if my husband and ever split up, I’m likely to need a serious mulligan from my first post-divorce partner, because after 20 years with the same person, all my “moves” are tailored to his preferences, and he’s a fucking weirdo. (Just kidding, honey; obviously I haven’t tailored anything to you, unless throwing out your favorite old, raggedy pair of underwear counts as tailoring…)
Communication = Good
Another piece of good news in these survey results is that it sounds like a lot of people have heard and accepted the single best piece of advice I’ve run across when it comes to how to achieve good sex: Communicate with your partner to learn what they like, and for them to know what floats your boat.
In this survey, 72% of respondents “have taught their partners new positions and how they want to be touched” while 67% “have taught their partners their pleasure points so that both people have a pleasant experience.”
As noted by Patty Brisben, the founder and chairwoman of Pure Romance, this is very encouraging news.
“Talking honestly about sex is so integral to the success of a relationship and your compatibility as partners,” Brisben correctly observed. “That’s why, at Pure Romance, we believe it’s so important to educate people about their bodies and encourage them to find out what they find pleasurable, so they can better communicate that to their partners.”
OK, so the latter part of that statement veers a little into the shameless self-promotional lane, but Brisben’s point is well-taken – and there’s nothing wrong with a company which sells pleasure products weighing in to support communication and experimentation between partners.
But Let’s Talk More About That Terrible First-Time Sex…
Going back to the headline observation – most relationships start out with awful first sexual encounters – it’s interesting to see what represents bad sex for male and female respondents.
Among men, not reaching an orgasm was cited by 41% of those surveyed, while 44% of women mentioned the same criterion. Women were more likely to consider a lack of foreplay to be a negative (57% of women mentioned this, compared to 36% of men), and both sexes feel shorted if their partner wants them to perform oral sex, but declines reciprocate (29% of men mentioned this, compared to 33% of women).
There was one major concern for each sex which didn’t appear in the responses for the other: 29% of men cited “erection difficulty after drinking” while 37% of women mentioned “dirty sheets.” Neither of these is surprising because (a) even these days, most people who identify as women don’t have penises and (b) most single men are absolute pigs when it comes to regularly laundering their sheets.
There – I said it.
Calico’s work has appeared under various pen names in adult industry trade journals and on several mainstream op-ed portals, including the Huffington Post.