Aside from the fact that they’re famous, what makes a celebrity more interesting than anyone else? Certainly not their “sex confessions,” as Calico recently found out. After all, is there anything shocking, scandalous or even remotely fascinating about a woman who frequently has sex with her husband? Do we clasp our hands to the side of our face and drop our jaws at the revelation a famous male pop star has had a lot of different sexual partners over the years, or does that sound more like a prerequisite of being a famous male pop star?
Oh well, at least one celebrity came up with something noteworthy to reveal when it was time for him to chime in with a sex confession. Read all about it in Caico’s latest post “Some Celebrity Sex Confessions Are More Interesting Than Others”
by Calico Rudasill, Sssh.com at Sssh.com Porn For Women
While I love movies, television, (some) sports and various other areas of life which produce celebrities, I must admit my imagination and attention have never really been that captive when it comes to the private lives of famous people.
Part of the reason why I’m not as celeb-obsessed as some of my high-volume media-consuming peers, I think, is that I’ve gotten to know so many interesting non-famous people over the years, folks who have traveled the world, or held amazing jobs, or even just know how to tell a great story.
When it comes to sex-related stories and confessions, for instance, it’s hard to top the sheer absurdity and perversion of an old friend of mine from high school, who once confessed to masturbating using a hot dog bun – which had a fully cooked (and duly mustard-covered) hot dog inside it at the time. Adding an element of danger to the story, he performed this feat while at his then-girlfriend’s house, as she slept in a nearby bedroom.
Hey, I didn’t say it was a pleasant confession, just one which is stranger and more entertaining to hear than a lot of celebrity sex confessions. Speaking of which….
So… Frequently Having Sex With Your Husband Is A “Confession” Now?
Some of the celebrity sex confessions I’ve stumbled across don’t seem worthy of the term “confession,” because what they amount to is someone admitting to having frequent sex with their partner – which strikes me as less of a confession than a boast.
“The lowest moment for me is when the time arrives for the fateful question: ‘How often do you and your husband have sex?,’” actress/comedian Ali Wentworth wrote in her book Go Ask Ali “I have lost friends with this question. The women gasp and scream like I’ve confessed that I shot my dog. One of them always slams her first down on the table; a woman’s wine glass once smashed in her hand. I’m sorry! We’re hot for each other. Jesus!”
Why US magazine identified the above as a “confession” is completely beyond me. Now, if Wentworth confessed she had, in fact, shot her dog while having sex with her husband (one George Stephanopoulos by name, I suppose I should mention), that would constitute a confession.
I mean sure, I wouldn’t confess to having sex with George Stephanopoulos – but, crucially, he’s not my husband, a fact which makes Wentworth having sex with him at least somewhat less horrifying than if I were to do the same.
How Do I Love Thee? Let Me Count The Ways – And While I’m At It, I’ll Go Ahead And Count The Other Women I Love, Too
Other celebrity sexual confessions are clearly designed to portray the person making the confession as awesome, not to reveal something surprising, scandalous or even remotely interesting.
Take this tidbit from an interview Maroon 5’s Adam Levine gave to Details magazine back in 2012, for example:
“There’s two kinds of men,” Levine said. “There are men who are fucking misogynist pigs, and then there are men who just really love women, who think they’re the most amazing people in the world. And that’s me. Maybe the reason I was promiscuous, and wanted to sleep with a lot of them, is that I love them so much.”
Oh yeah, that must be it – it’s your deep love (and, presumably, heartfelt respect as well, right?) for women which led you to be promiscuous.
You know, if I had a nickel for every time some cheating bastard has said something like this to me.… well, OK, I’d have only have one nickel. But that’s not my point here. My point is, Levine didn’t confess something sexual with this remark, so much as he rationalized one, which isn’t quite the same thing.
Sure, A Lot Of Sex Involves Penetration, But This Is Ridiculous…
At least one celebrity whose “confession” I’ve read recently came up with something interesting to relate to the media – and wouldn’t you know it, it was the celebrity with the most unusual name.
“One chick tried to stab me when we were having sex,” Armie Hammer told ELLE magazine in 2013. “I should so not be telling this story. She was like, ‘True love leaves scars. You don’t have any.’ And then she tried to stab me with a butcher knife. Of course I promptly broke up with her… seven months later.”
While this clearly would be much more of a confession if it came from the woman who tried to stab him, we’ll have to settle for Armie’s account – because we all know a proper lady never stabs and tells.
Calico’s work has appeared under various pen names in adult industry trade journals and on several mainstream op-ed portals, including the Huffington Post.
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