Having Sex Outside a Police Station: What’s the Worst that Could Happen?

Calico has never been real big on having sex in public, but she understands that some people like to mix a little risk-of-getting-caught into their sex lives. But it’s one thing to have a quickie in the dressing room of a department store at the mall, or in the back of a car parked in some jam-packed downtown parking garage, and quite another to have sex literally on the doorstep of someone who’s likely to have a problem with it.

police station sex

We’re not talking about boning on your grandmother’s front porch here, either. Nor are we talking about slipping into the supply closet at your kid’s school during a PTA meeting to have standing-up-sex among the brooms and mops. We’re talking about doing the nasty in potential plain view of multiple law enforcement officers. Who the hell would do that? Why, it’s a “Florida man,” of course! Read all about it in Calico’s latest post, “Having Sex Outside a Police Station: What’s the Worst that Could Happen?”

by Calico Rudasill, Sssh.com Porn Movies For Women and Couples

I’ve never been big on having sex in public – or I haven’t been since moving out of my parents’ home as teenager at least, when having sex somewhere other than the back of my boyfriend’s car first became an option.

Having sex in public is a big thing for a lot of other people, though. In fact, it’s such a big thing that “gentlemen” can even conveniently access a guide to having sex in public which is only a click away, any time. And if you aren’t a gentleman, you’ve no reason to fret – because there’s still a “definitive” public sex guide available for you.

I wonder: Do any of those guides advise having sex in public right outside a police station?

Well, They Didn’t Suggest THAT in Frommer’s

What would possess a couple to have sex right outside a police station, you might reasonably ask? Well, according to Gary Hill, the “male” who was “observed” by the responding officer, the incident was merely “a Key West moment.”

I’ll admit, I don’t know much about Key West, but having sex outside a police station doesn’t appear to be one of the recommended activities for people who travel there. There are cruises and water tours listed, museums to visit, a plug recommending a trip to the Ernest Hemingway Home and Museum, but no “Fucking Outside the Police Station Grand Indecency Tour” option.

The Pleading-Not-Guilty Ship Likely Has Sailed…

It seems Hill did quickly understand the gravity of his situation once the arresting officer appeared on the scene. What’s significantly less clear is whether he understood his right to remain silent – something which may be attributable to the pint of vodka Hill said he and his rudely-interrupted partner had just consumed.

“I handcuffed Hill and placed him into custody,” the arresting officer wrote in the arrest report. “I asked Hill if he knew why he was in custody. Hill said, ‘For a sexual act.’ Hill made two spontaneous utterances about the incident. Hill said, ‘I’m horny,’ and ‘She was giving it up to me right then and there.’”

You know Gary, unless your lawyer finds a way to suppress the statements you made during your arrest, I suspect you can scratch the “plead not guilty” option at this point.

Female Suspect Charged with Four Counts of Unladylike Conduct in the First Degree

While Hill’s response to being placed under arrest may have been to run his mouth in legally-unhelpful ways, at least he seems to have grasped the fact that moment probably wasn’t one in which defiance and resistance was advisable. His female companion, Crystal Frances, on the other hand… Well, I’ll let the arresting officer sum up Crystal’s disposition.

“I ordered both Frances and Hill to put their clothes back on,” the officer wrote. “Hill immediately pulled his pants up. Frances gave indications she was not going to comply with lawful orders.”

Frances “gave indications” that she was “not going to comply” with your orders? What sort of indications did she give?

“I could not understand what Frances was saying due to her intoxication, but her facial expressions gave me the impression she was angry and wasn’t going to go peacefully.”

Not to pick nits with the arrest report, but I feel compelled to ask: If Frances was too drunk to speak clearly, maybe she was also too drunk to control her facial expressions? Who knows – maybe this was simply a case of Florida-RBF. And what the hell is Florida-RBF, you ask? Well, it’s just like regular RBF, only with more vodka.

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