Scientific Sex Advice: I’ll Drive – and Let’s Not Get “Hijacked”
Of all the categories of sexual advice, the most useful (but, sadly, least entertaining) comes in the form of scientific sexual advice — and with so many people out there studying things like the neurological science behind orgasms and sexual pleasure, we’re bound to have some real breakthroughs in the years ahead.
Still, there’s the problem of the fruits of science being open to misinterpretation by the media, or intentionally twisted by social media shitheads, or seized upon to market products of questionable merit by celebrities turned Internet Health Gurus. Luckily, Calico has the antidote to such misinformation — her own misinformation, which has the benefit of being at least semi-entertaining.
What does Calico make of the latest science-and-data-based sex advice? Find out in her latest post “Scientific Sex Advice: I’ll Drive — and Let’s Not Get ‘Hijacked'”
by Calico Rudasill, Sssh.com Erotic Movies For Women and Couples
Thanks to a couple articles forwarded to me by friends, I’ve added two books to my Must (Eventually) Read List (my “MERL”, for short) – where they will join several hundred tomes of non-fiction works that I’ll get around to reading someday, maybe, just as soon as I run out of sci-fi and fantasy to read.
Granted, since authors keep stubbornly churning out more sci-fi and fantasy on a (seemingly literal) daily basis and I’m not at all averse to reading absolute trash so long as it tickles my sci-fi fancy, it may be difficult for me to ever reach the top of my MERL, let alone any recent additions to it.
So, “The Pleasure Gap” Isn’t a Clothing Retailer?
The first of the articles forwarded to me arrived on Valentine’s Day, which probably seemed to my friend like a perfect day to forward along an article about sex. It’s an interview NPR conducted with Katherine Rowland about her new book, The Pleasure Gap: American Women and the Unfinished Sexual Revolution.
Asked how it came to be that a significant percentage of women “have a low desire for sex,” Rownland said among the women she interviewed “the persistent low desire was heavily associated with the idea that sex should revolve around penetration as the main course, with maybe a polite prelude of a foreplay, rather than thinking about sex as a broader universe of intimacy.”
Immediately, I think we’ve landed on why my sex life is more satisfying than many of my peers. I can’t speak for these other women, but I can tell you that around my house, a “polite prelude of a foreplay” results in a quick correction of my partner. And when I say a “correction,” I don’t mean of the gentle variety one might receive from a kindhearted and beloved kindergarten teacher, I mean the sort of correction one typically associates with old-school, Emily Winthrop-style dog trainers. (That shock collar I bought my husband isn’t just for show, you know.)
Later, asked how women can “regain control over the sex lives,” Rowland doles out some advice to which I really, really wish I could get a few of my flakier friends to listen.
“The first thing to do would be to stop absorbing [unscientific] outside knowledge,” Rowland says. “There is such a rash of faulty information out there as a result of our lack of sound science and solid education. We’ve seen this proliferation of experts pandering to the lowest common denominator.”
Spot-on, Katherine! I’d keep reading your advice, except I have the next six hours blocked off for a glass on how to insert expensive, possibly toxic, little stone “eggs” into my vagina. Word has it they not only prevent all sorts of disease, but will help align my chakras, too!
My Advice: Stop Having Sex in the Car While Texting
The other article recently forwarded to me was another excerpted interview, this time with certified sex therapist and cognitive neuroscientist Nan Wise – a name and description that sounds a like she could be the protagonist in one of those trashy sci-fi novels I referenced earlier, come to think of it.
The first thing I noticed about Dr. Wise’s responses was that, for a neuroscientist, she sure is fond of turns of phrase I don’t much associate with neuroscientists (my older sister happens to be neurologist, so I have occasion to hear such people talk a lot).
For example, when asked why people are experiencing less pleasure these days (an assertion that’s never really explained, quantified or examined in this interview), Wise responds: “The simplest way to describe it is that our attention is so divided,” Wise says. Our attention is so hijacked across so many different things that we’re not able to be present.”
“I think we need to recognize how the core emotional systems are wired and how easily hijacked the seeking system can be,” Wise later adds, addressing how people can avoid having their attention divided. “When the seeking system is hijacked and we’re getting all these little dopamine bumps from our social media pings and all of that, that affects our capacity to really feel satisfying pleasure. If we understand how that gets hijacked, we can be a little more intentional.”
All this talk of “hijacking” makes me wonder where these people are having sex – and what sort of other people they hang around. Personally, if I wanted to avoid being hijacked during sex, I’d avoid having sex in the car, joining the Mile-High Club, or inviting terrorists over at times when I think my husband and I might get it on.
Granted, it could be that I wasn’t reading closely enough when I looked over Wise’s interview – something I’m going to blame on my restless anticipation of reading the next sci-fi classic awaiting my rapt attention: Magicians of Gor.
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