New Inspiration for My “Attack of the 50 Foot Woman” Sexual Fantasy
If you look around at all the cosplaying and sexual roleplaying that goes on in this world, it’s pretty obvious there’s nothing unusual about having sexual fantasies that are inspired by works of fiction. From superheroes to cartoon characters, anything and everything is liable to inspire sexual creativity and imaginative intimacy.
For Calico, one of her great sexual fantasies flows directly from a sci-movie released years before she was born. While the movie itself is basically low budget crap, the central concept is something that has stuck with her for close to 30 years now.
As fate would have it, a work of actual science, not science-fiction, which has put Calico’s long held sexual fantasy back at the front of her mind. And of all things, the subject is spider sex — and, more to the point, certain key differences between female and male spiders which render spider sex… well, complicated.
What is it about spiders that has Calico reflecting on her most cherished sexual fantasy? Do spiders practice safe sex? Can condoms be made that small? Do male spiders even have penises? Are any of these questions even addressed in Calico’s new post? To find out, scroll on to read “New Inspiration For My ‘Attack of the 50 Foot Woman’ Sexual Fantasy”
by Calico Rudasill, Sssh.com Award Winning Porn Movies For Women
If you’ve read much of my past work, you’re probably aware I have a thing for science fiction – and by “a thing,” I mean a lifelong obsession which has on occasion alienated former boyfriends, irritated the hell out of my parents and led to a strict ban being imposed on me by a local comic book store. (It’s a long story.)
My penchant for all things sci-fi, including all bad things sci-fi, has resulted in me being able to scroll through list after of the 10 worst sci-fi movies of all time and knowingly nod, or strenuously object, to just about every entry on the list.
This is true even of quite long lists, by the way. I’ll go through them and think to myself “how can Santa Claus Conquers the Martians only be at #69 in the countdown?” or “Sure, Attack of the Jurassic Shark was truly terrible, but was it really 11 spots worse than Battlefield Earth?”
I Don’t Recall Making a Wedding Vow Not to Use You as a Human Dildo
Unsurprisingly, some of my most cherished sexual fantasies flow from my affinity for sci-fi. I would love, for example, to be able to communicate telepathically with a lover, Second Foundation-style, if for no other reason than to see what’s it like to “talk dirty” without speaking at all.
My biggest sci-fi-driven sexual fantasy – and I mean “biggest” literally in this context – was inspired by the 1958 classic Attack of the 50 Foot Woman. The plot of the movie isn’t really what inspired my fantasy (in a nutshell, a woman encounters a giant alien and winds up becoming enormous herself, chaos and outsized hijinks ensue), so much as the many thoughts about what I’d do, were I to wake up one morning to discover I was 50 feet tall.
Technically, I suppose the first thing I’d do if I woke up 50’ tall would be to wipe the bathroom and study off my legs and forehead, respectively, seeing as how at 44’5” taller than I am normally, I’d likely have grown through the walls on either end of the bed in becoming 50’ tall.
The second thing I’d do, though, would likely be to pick up my husband and immediately start using him as a dildo, just to see the look on his face right before his head and torso disappeared within my newly massive vagina.
Hmm. Now that I’ve written it out, that sounds more hostile – or at least ruder – than I intended.
Don’t get me wrong, I wouldn’t be taking this action out of revenge, or to humiliate my husband, or to risk suffocating him inside my body. Don’t think of it like a violent thrust into the gigantic unknown; think of it more like him being suddenly immersed in a new language so that he might learn it more quickly – only substitute the word “vagina” for “language.”
I Think We Better Stick to the Missionary Sexual Position, Honey
If you’re wondering what the hell got me thinking about growing to be 50’ tall and very scary looking, in today’s case it wasn’t science fiction, but just plain science. Specifically, it was the science of how female and male spiders who are massively different in size go about having sex. For starters, it sure sounds like from the male spider’s perspective, the answer should be “very carefully.”
“Sexual size dimorphism — where one sex is bigger than the other — is nothing too much out of the ordinary,” writes Stephanie Pain. “Spiders, though, beat all comers: Females can be 3 to 10 times the size of males, and occasionally more… Female giant golden orb weavers (Nephila pilipes) are 10 times as long as males, for example, and a formidable 125 times heavier.”
125 times heavier? Well, I guess we know one position these spiders won’t be having sex in is reverse cowgirl, eh? Or should that be reverse spidergirl? Reverse cowspider? (Clearly, there are many important questions raised by the existence of sexual size dimorphism.)
And If You Aren’t Smashed by Accident…
Things get worse – much worse – for the male orb spiders than the prospect of being smashed by their mates, by the way.
“Such spectacular discrepancies have consequences, and the most notorious is cannibalism,” Pain reports. “Giant female spiders that sit in their webs waiting to be wooed are the very definition of femmes fatales, prone to snacking on their suitors before, during or after copulation. Why? Because they are big and so they can, getting not only a half-decent dinner out of it, but also controlling who gets lucky and who doesn’t.”
To be clear, if by some wild, extremely unlikely chance I do wind up 50’ tall, I’m NOT going to eat my husband… not until we run out of neighbors, at least.
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