Let’s LITERALLY Build The Border Wall Out Of Porn!

Sometimes, in order to make progress, opposing sides have to compromise — something our elected officials in Washington aren’t real big on doing, as our ongoing government shutdown demonstrated. Along with compromise, what’s far too often lacking in government is creative, outside-the-box thinking. Sometimes, even a bad idea proposed by one side of a conflict might have the seeds of a solution within it, if only someone can recognize the potential and figure out the right tweaks to make it work.

Calico believes she has stumbled upon a great solution to the great border security disagreement playing out in D.C. right now. Her idea combines the best of American ingenuity, the core principles of the “recycle/reuse” ethos and reworked elements of a bad idea currently being kicked around by the Arizona legislature into a solution which will secure our border without troubling fans of the First Amendment.

What is Calico’s amazing, innovative, certain-to-draw-bipartisan-support idea? Find out in her latest post, “Let’s LITERALLY Build The Border Wall Out Of Porn!”

by Calico Rudasill, Sssh.com Porn For Women

As the government shutdown grinds on, people are proposing all kinds of solutions, workarounds and compromises.

President Trump has floated the idea of an emergency order which he thinks will enable him to bypass Congress by selectively plucking the money he needs to build the wall from funds already allocated to various government agencies.

Congressional Democrats have offered almost six billion bucks for border security, albeit with the caveat that the money would not be earmarked for wall-building.

Various private citizens have started crowdfunding campaigns to fund the wall, although those efforts consistently come up short of raising anything more than a drop in the wall’s estimated-cost-bucket.

Last – and quite possibly least – Rep. Gail Griffin, a legislator from my home state of Arizona, has proposed a bill which would charge people $20 to unblock internet porn on their internet-connected devices… and then use that money to fund construction of the border wall.

Oh, That Pesky First Amendment – And an Even Peskier Crazy Person

I’m not going to get into some lengthy analysis of Griffin’s bill, mostly because I’m not a lawyer and therefor not qualified to do so, but also because this joke of bill probably isn’t going anywhere – except maybe the Arizona Legislature’s paper-shredder.

Hell, even the staunchly anti-porn National Center on Sexual Exploitation (NCOSE) has declined to voice support for similar legislation proposed in other states, in part because the bill is “is at odds with Supreme Court precedents.”

The other reason the NCOSE doesn’t support these bills is because the person who drafted them, Chris Sevier (AKA Chris Severe, or as I prefer to call him, “Mr. Nutty McFruitloop”) is a guy who has, among other things, filed several lawsuits in which he sued for the right to marry his laptop.

“We have had a difficult relationship with Mr. Sevier over the last several years, to say the least,” the NCOSE wrote in the blog post linked to above. “We have not found him trustworthy in our past dealings and therefore cannot rely on his assertions that those groups and those legislators that he claims are supporters of HTPA are actually in support. That is because, in the past, Sevier has falsely represented that our organization and NCOSE President Patrick Trueman and NCOSE Executive Director Dawn Hawkins are in support of his work. We have demanded that Sevier stop using our names.”

I’ll give Sevier this much: When even the freakin’ NCOSE thinks you’re too wacky to have as an anti-porn ally, you have truly set yourself apart from the rest of the peanut gallery.

Let’s Do the Math, Shall We?

Even if the bill Griffin proposed were constitutional and even if the entire $20 from the unblocking charge were to be funneled toward building a border wall (which it wouldn’t be, under the bill), it wouldn’t add up to anything close to the $5+ billion The Donald wants for his wall.

The latest estimates place the population of Arizona just over 7 million people, many of whom are children. But even if they were all adults, and they all paid $20 to gain access to the materials which would be blocked under the bill, and they all paid to unblock four devices each (a tablet, a phone, a desktop and a laptop, let’s say) the grand total raised for the wall would be $560 million.

That’s roughly 10% of the amount Trump wants in the current budget for his wall – and even Trump’s lowball estimate for the cost of the entire border wall is $15 billion. (Most estimates place the figure about $10 billion higher.)

When the Legislature Gives You Law-Lemons, Make Law-Lemonade

While Griffin’s bill won’t work and likely won’t even be voted upon because of its many obvious flaws, maybe the idea isn’t a complete waste, because it has inspired me to offer one of my patented Totally Achievable Calico Ideas – which I like to abbreviate as TACI and pronounce “tacky,” of course.

We may not be able to fund the construction of the border wall with sales of access to porn, but we can literally build the wall out of porn.

All we need to do is get people to donate their old porn DVD covers (they can even keep the discs!) too-sensitive-to-recycle porn magazines, faulty old thumb drives filled with smut and anything else porn-packaging-related that they can spare, and we’ll just start mortaring it all together along our southern border.

Sure, there will be some naysayers, including people who don’t want their children exposed to such imagery when they’re headed down to Mazatlán on vacation. But on the other hand, just think of the double-prevention of a wall made from porn! After all, presumably a lot of migrants coming up from Mexico and Central America are Catholic, and they wouldn’t want to look at the Porn Wall, much less touch it in the way they’d need to in order to climb over the thing.

You see, Washington? Sometimes to overcome a seemingly insurmountable impasse, all you really need is a little creative thinking.

I think for my next service to my country, I’ll come up with some manner of porn-based solution to the ongoing disagreement over whether climate change is a thing and what to do about it if it is. I mean hell, if we can build a border wall out of porn, why not an American coast-length sea wall too, right?