As Calico herself is quick to admit, she’s not always the most observant person. It’s one of several reasons why she could never be a good detective, important witness in a criminal trial, or designated driver.
Still, even lacking in observational skills, Calico would like to think she’d notice certain changes in her life, like if a new neighbor moved in next door, or if her favorite local grocery store got taken over by Whole Foods — or if she started having sex with robots.
According to a recent Wired article, however, Calico has been having sex with robots without even realizing it. But, when Calico read further into the mystery, she only got more confused, because the article about her having sex with robots seemed not to have that much to say about robots (and even less about Calico, for that matter). In fact, the article not only seems to suggest Calico hasn’t been having sex with robots, but that she’ll never have sex with a robot.
Somehow, all this previously-unnoticed-sex-with-robots concern turned to a different possibility, one involving a mysterious Instagram influencer who may not exist at all.
Sound confusing? It is! Calico probably won’t resolve any of your confusion (or her own), but she sure tries in her latest post, “I’ve Been Having Sex with a Robot… Or an AI Chick… Or Something.
by Calico Rudasill, Sssh.com Porn For Women and Couples Movies
I’ll be the first to admit I’d make a lousy detective. For starters, I don’t look good in a fedora, I don’t smoke and the femme fatales I’ve met in my life have always pegged me as a nerd unworthy of their attention.
Besides, good detectives always notice subtle little clues, like changes in facial expression when they ask certain questions of a potential suspect, or when everything a suspect said appears to be written on some object or another in the interview room, or when a suspect may have used a Sharpie to draw new lines on a poster’s depiction of a hurricane’s projected path.
Meanwhile, I’m apparently so unobservant I didn’t even realize that I’ve started to have sex with robots!
Meet Henry, The Sex Robot! And Now, Immediately Forget About Henry, The Sex Robot
Thankfully, I occasionally read stuff published by Wired, so now I’m at least aware that I’m having sex with robots.
I gotta say, though, this Wired article doesn’t really appear to have much in it about me, the sex robots I’m apparently having sex with, or sex robots at all, to be honest. Sure, the piece starts out talking about a sex robot named ‘Henry’ and the team of humans at a company called Realbotix who are working on him – but as the article itself soon points out, “this story isn’t really about Henry or Realbotix.”
“Almost nobody buys sex robots,” the article by Emma Grey Ellis continues, seeming determined to spite the poor sap who wrote its headline, “they’re expensive, they’re heavy, they don’t fit in a bedside drawer. The idea that the future of sex will be slavering over custom-made silicon replicas is as interesting as it is unlikely.”
So, Emma, you’re saying I’m unlikely to ever have sex with a sex robot, even though I’m already having sex with one?
I’m starting to get the feeling this article isn’t going to help me much in terms of identifying which robots I’ve been having sex with, determining when I started having sex with them, or whether my husband is somehow behind it all.
On Second Thought, Meet Lil Miquela
As it turns out, Emma thinks people are talking too much about sex robots.
“The real robo-sexual revolution will be, and already is, more software than hardware, and it’s the version of this story fewer people are talking about,” she writes.
Oh great – more software to keep updated. Next you’re going to tell me I’ll have to download a new driver every time I’d like a little afternoon delight…
The article then turns its attention to “Lil Miquela,” who is described as “an Instagram influencer, a model, and a pop star.”
Am I about to be told I’ve been having sex with an Instagram influencer? If so, man is my husband going to be jealous! Unless, of course, he doesn’t know what an Instagram influencer is, which seems pretty likely, considering he doesn’t have an Instagram account and refers to the platform as “that other thing that’s kind of like Facebox, or Twizzler, or whatever it’s called – the one that’s all pictures.”
Six Three Degrees of Kevin Bacon Bella Hadid
At any rate, Emma says in the near future, people are more likely to have sex with Lil Miquela than Henry, even though Lil Miquela, unlike Henry, has no physical form to speak of.
Or does she?
“Back in May, Lil Miquela made out with supermodel Bella Hadid,” Emma reports.
Ho. Lee. Shit. Now that’s pretty cool – and rather than upset my husband, this news should make him beam with Social Media Age pride.
I mean sure, he’ll never make out with Bella Hadid, but at least an AI Instagram influencer with whom I may or may not have been having sex recently has made out with Bella Hadid, so it’s sort of like he’s made out with Bella, twice removed.
It’s like the cyber-sex version of Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon, only hopefully without any of us involved being required to someday have sex with Kevin Bacon.
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