Humor: What the Hell is an “Anti-Sex Toilet”?

It seems like these days, there’s an “anti” group for everything. Some are anti-abortion, some are anti-socialism, others are anti-science, or anti-religion — or even anti-biotics, for God’s sake!

Calico is of the opinion that nobody, however, is truly “anti-sex.” Even people who don’t believe you should have sex outside of marriage aren’t anti-sex, they’re just anti-single-and-or-cheating-people-having-sex. And just because you don’t want to think about (or God forbid, mentally picture) your parents having sex doesn’t mean you aren’t glad they had sex at least enough times to assure your existence, right?

Outdoor anti porn toilet

What got Calico thinking about the question of whether being anti-sex is even a thing is story out of southern Wales, where a town council has decided to spend a couple hundred thousand bucks to upgrade their public toilets with weight sensors, motion sensors and high-pressure water sprayers, all in the name of discouraging  “inappropriate” activity from taking place therein.

What does Calico make of these high-tech public loos? Find out in her latest post, “What the Hell is an ‘Anti-Sex Toilet‘?”

by Calico Rudasill, Sssh.com Porn For Women and Couples

“For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction.” 

I forgot where and when I first heard Newton’s Third Law, but I’m glad I remember that’s where the line quoted above comes from, because otherwise, I might think Newton’s Third Law was some kind of courtroom drama on TV – which would be really embarrassing the next time I’m at a cocktail party surrounded by physicists.

Anyway, what got me thinking about Newton and his laws of motion was the (ongoing, constant) back and forth in the news and on social media between people who are for or against one thing or another – be it Trump, gun control, environmental regulations, abortion, pornography or some other hot button issue. 

Given how controversial the things listed above all are, it’s no surprise people’s opinions of them are polarized. But if there’s one ‘anti’ that has never made sense to me, it’s the notion of being anti-sex.

Is There Any Such Thing as Being ‘Anti-Sex’?

Look, even if you’re someone who thinks people should abstain from having sex unless they’re married, you’re still not against sex, you’re just against the context sex often happens in.

As far as objects go, I see how something like a chastity belt can be construed as an ‘anti-sex’ device, in the sense that its purpose is to prevent sex from taking place. That’s a little different from it being a device that is somehow ‘philosophically’ against sex, because it is again all about context. 

Philosophy and reasoning aren’t physics, of course, so Newton’s laws of motion aren’t meant to be applied to them. Still, it appears sex is one place in which everyone is ‘pro’ – at least in some respect – and nobody (and no thing) is truly ‘anti-sex.’

So, with all that in mind, I feel compelled ask: WTF is an “anti-sex toilet”?

Porthcawl to Would-Be In-Bathroom Sex-Havers: Get a Room!

“A Welsh seaside town plans to install public toilet with measures to prevent people having sex inside, including a squealing alarm, the doors shooting open, and a chilly spray of water,” CNN reports at the link above.

The town in question is a spot called Porthcawl, the main tourism draw of which is “sandy beaches, a grand pavilion, a funfair named Coney Beach (modelled on Coney Island in New York), a museum and three golf courses,” at least according to the town’s Wikipedia entry. 

Once the Porthcawl Town Council gets done spending about $200,000 on public toilets designed to deter “inappropriate sexual activity and vandalism,” perhaps it will also be known as a bad place to try to have sex in the loo.

Apparently, to help pay the bill for installing these toilet, “users will pay an as yet undetermined fee to access them.”

So, you want me to pay to use a bathroom in which I can’t have sex? Not that I’m a sex-in-the-bathroom kind of girl (much less a sex-in-the-PUBLIC-bathroom kind of girl), but this seems like a rather ass-backwards arrangement. (And no, that’s not a reverse cowgirl reference.)

As I see it, if people having sex in your town’s public toilets is so common your town council determines something must be done, the thing that makes sense to me is turning your public sex lemons into revenue lemonade by charging people to have sex in them, rather than paying to install water jets, movement and weight sensors.

Prepare to be Sued by the First Really Heavy Person Who Drops In

Speaking to WalesOnline.com, town council member Mike Clarke said “Rebuilding the public toilets is an important element of Porthcawl Town Council’s ambition to ensure that Porthcawl is a great place to live, work and to visit” – but maybe he should have added a caveat to that. Maybe he should have said “Porthcawl is a great place to live, work and to visit – provided you aren’t a really heavy person who uses public bathrooms.”

Since one of the ways these anti-sex bathrooms detect the presence of more than one user is by use of “weight sensors,” what happens if a fellow like, say, former NFL offensive lineman Aaron Gibson were to drop in to relieve himself? At over 410 pounds, I suspect he’s hefty enough to trigger the anti-sex toilet’s sensors.

Hey, wait a minute… maybe this is the equal and opposite reaction I’m looking for here! Spray a 6’6”, 410lbs man with water while he’s just trying to take a dump in peace, then he destroys your $200k anti-sex toilet with his bare hands, in a shocked, waterlogged rage.

Come to think of it, speaking of revenue streams, I’d pay a good ten bucks to watch that scenario play out.

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