I’m Holding Out for the Sci-Fi Inspired Sex Toys

I’m Holding Out for the Sci-Fi Inspired Sex Toys

When you’re shopping for sex toys, what do you look for in a good toy? Is it about the design? The quality of the materials? Price? Do you want it to look like something with which Ned Stark would chop of someone’s head for deserting the Night’s Watch?

If you answered yes to that last question, then Calico has good news for you. No word yet whether there’s also a “Needle” version coming for those who favor a shorter, more slender design, but “The Realm” line of sex toys is likely to be right up your… uh… alley.

As for Calico, the fantasy and mythology-inspired sex toys of The Realm got her thinking about what sort of sci-fi-inspired sex toys she’d like to see, while she waits for the world to become substantially more like Bladerunner. Just picture Asimov-themed vibrators you can change the intensity settings on using nothing but your mind! Giant sandworm dildos! An anatomically correct Wookie cock! (Do Wookies have cocks?)  

What might a world filled with sci-fi sex toys look like? Is what Calico wants already on the market? Find out in Cal’s latest post, “I’m Holding Out for the Sci-Fi Inspired Sex Toys.”

– Calico Rudasill, Staff writer at Sssh.com 

Read on…

When it comes to sex toys, people have a lot of questions. How anatomically correct should a sex toy be? She’s always telling me “size doesn’t matter,” so why does she prefer dildos that are so much bigger than my penis? If I use my vibrator too often, will my husband’s knuckles get hairier?

Pleasure being such a subjective and personal thing, the most important question is probably always “what kind of sex toy is right for me?” followed closely by “Is there a dildo that looks a little like something with which Jon Snow could kill a White Walker?”

Winter is… You Know What? I’m Not Going to Say It

As you can read in the report from Erotic Trade Only linked to above, the sword dildo I referenced, the “Draken,” is part of a toy series called “The Realm,” which strikes me as another not-so-subtle nod to Game of Thrones. 

In addition to the Draken, there’s the “Drago,” which from the sounds of it is a lot like the Draken, only with different colors and “dragon skin,” whatever that might mean in this context, and two toys ETO describes as “werewolf-inspired” dildos, the Rougarou and the Lycan.

Future additions to the Real line will include the “Medusa,” the “Minotaur” and the Knight. All I know about these is that they feature “a smooth body and adjustable multispeed vibrations.” Also, if I remember my Greek mythology correctly, if you ever lose your Minotaur, you should be able to find it by turning left repeatedly – and, of course, you should never look directly at your Medusa.

I, Dildo

While eye catching (and, potentially, eye gouging) as these sex toys are to all who see them, the obvious target market here is fantasy fans, from players of Dungeons & Dragons and readers of The Lord of the Rings to people named Calico who have only recently watched the Harry Potter movies and will maybe, someday, possibly get around to reading the books if only so her older sister will lay the fuck off about how she simply must read them.

Although I do enjoy the occasional fantasy movie, book, or TV series, I’m really more of a sci-fi girl – which is why I’m holding off on my next big run of sex toy purchases until someone releases a line called “The Foundation,” or creates the first sandworm-shaped “Dune-do,” or really aims straight for the heart of my demographic cohort and starts marketing a vibrator called “The Deckard.”

I think sci-fi sex toys have tremendous potential. I mean sure, it might be super creepy and look like the last thing you’d ever want near your genitals in any way, shape or form, but think of the fun you could have freaking out your friends by making them watch you unbox your new “Spell I” vibrator/speculum/potential murder weapon!

One Question: Nothing is Going to Come Bursting Out of My Chest a Few Hours After Use, Right?

Hmm. OK, so maybe an H.R. Giger-inspired sex toy is not what the world needs, but I still stand by the overall concept of the sci-fi sex toy line. And sure, if you search around, you can find some toys described as sci-fi sex toys, but they don’t quite hit the mark for what I’m talking ab– HOLY SHIT IT EXISTS! 

How did I not know about the “Xenomorph” dildo? I mean this thing looks like it was literally made for me. And just look at this description:

“For those with an Alien and/or H.R. Geiger fetish, this Xenomorph dildo will turn your most outlandish extraterrestrial fantasy into your new sexual reality. Our alien breeder toy is designed for the most die-hard sci-fi fans who want to spend time in their bedroom with the most iconic alien of all-time. This toy is smooth at the top, intricately detailed on the bottom, and has the ferocious alien face at the tip. The Alien Breeder xenomorph will invade any space your fantasy will lead it to. Life on earth — and your bedroom — will never be the same again.”

Sorry to end my post so abruptly folks, but I’ve got some online shopping to do – and hell YES I want expedited delivery! Do you have a delivery truck has done the Kessel Run in less than 12 parsecs?

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