Humor – Twisted Fairy Tales, With William Shatner

Compiled by Coleen Singer at Sssh.com

Recently, a group of us from Sssh.com went out for girl’s night to watch a live solo performance by William Shatner that was being simulcast in our local cineplex that usually only broadcasts the Metropolitan Opera.  We all grew up with Shatner as Captain Kirk, T.J. Hooker, and, more recently, the “Priceline Guy”, and it seemed like a fun way to spend a social evening together.

twisted fairy tales with william shatner

We were simply amazed!  In this 2+ hour live performance, “Bill” Shatner didn’t miss a beat, was funny, engaging and the every bit adorable 82-year old veteran of stage, TV, and film that he is.

Read on…

Of course, the following morning, one of use decided to go google around to see what else Mr. Shatner has been up to and stumbled across one of the most entertaining NSFW video series on Youtube.  Twisted Fairy Tales – narrated by non other than William Shatner!

So, it seemed like a great addition to EroticScribes to compile the entire series into one place for our reader’s enjoyment.  We’re not sure if Mr. Shatner wrote the monologue for these, but they sure are naughty twists on traditional fairy tales.  Had anyone other than Bill Shatner done this, I’m pretty sure the Disney lawyers would have had their ass for lunch, but it would seem that even the legal department of “The Mouse” is not going to even think of messing around with Captain James Tiberious Kirk!

Enjoy the shows!

Coleen

SLEEPING BEAUTY
Synopsis: Princess Aurora is cursed by the evil witch Maleficent – who declares that before Aurora reaches her 16th birthday she will die by pricking her finger on the spindle of a spinning-wheel. To try to prevent this, the king places her into hiding, in the care of three good-natured – but not too bright – fairies.

CINDERALLA
Synopsis: In a far away, long ago kingdom, Cinderella is living happily with her mother and father until her mother dies. Cinderella’s father remarries a cold, cruel woman who has two daughters, Drizella and Anastasia. When the father dies, Cinderella’s wicked stepmother turns her into a virtual servant in her own house. Meanwhile, across town in the castle, the King determines that his son the Prince should find a suitable bride and provide him with a required number of grandchildren. So the King invites every eligible maiden in the kingdom to a fancy dress ball, where his son will be able to choose his bride. Cinderella has no suitable party dress for a ball, but her friends the mice, led by Jaques and Gus, and the birds lend a hand in making her one, a dress the evil stepsisters immediately tear apart on the evening of the ball. At this point, enter the Fairy Godmother, the pumpkin carriage, the royal ball, the stroke of midnight, the glass slipper, and the rest, as they say, is fairy tale history.

JACK AND THE BEANSTALK
Synopsis: Jack, a young boy from a poor family, exchanges the family cow for some magic beans. The beans grow overnight into a huge beanstalk which Jack climbs into the clouds, arriving at a magical land ruled over by a cruel giant. Jack battles the giant and decides to rescue a young princess held captive in the giant’s castle.

RUMPLESTILTSKIN
Synopsis: Once there was a miller who was very poor and very boastful. He had a beautiful daughter named Lisa. The miller lied to the King about Lisa who could turn straw into gold. The King was so delightful and took Lisa to the tower room which full of straw and a spinning wheel. The King demanded Lisa to turn the straw into gold in three days or else she would be sentenced to death. Lisa was very sad as she would not able to grant the King’s whishes.

Then, a stranger appeared suddenly and offered Lisa a help. The stranger was known as Rumpelstiltskin who spun straw into gold and in return Lisa gave him her necklace and ring. The King became so greedy and wanted more gold. Then, the King asked his servant to search for every last wisp of straw in the countryside so that Lisa could turn the straw into gold and promised her that she would become his queen if she granted his wishes or else he cut off her head. As Lisa was sitting sadly on the floor, Rumpelstiltskin appeared for the third time and offered his last help to Lisa. In return, Lisa had nothing to reward him.

Rumpelstiltskin spun the straw into gold and for a promise Lisa would give her first-born child to him after she became a queen. After a year, the King and Lisa had a baby son. Rumpelstiltskin returned to claim his reward. The queen was frightened and offered him all the wealth she had if she could keep the child. Rumpelstiltskin refused and finally agreed to give up his claim to the child if the queen could guess his name in three days. At first she failed, but before the final night, her parents followed Rumpelstiltskin to the woods and they overheard him singing. While he was singing and hopping around the fire, they discovered his name as Rumpelstiltskin.

When the dwarf came to the queen on the third day and she revealed his name, Rumpelstiltskin lost his bargain. He was so angry and stamped the floor so hard and vanished in a puff of smoke. Lisa’s father learnt his lesson and he promised her that he would never boast again.

LITTLE RED RIDING HOOD
Synopsis: Little Red Riding Hood (LRRH) went to the forest to visit her ill granny. She took some cake and lemonade in a basket. She met a wicked wolf that asked her which path she was taking. She replied, I’m taking the path that leads to my granny’s cottage.

While LRRH was busy picking flowers to take to her granny, the wolf went to the cottage and swallowed granny in one gulp. Then the wolf put on granny’s cap, got in granny’s bed, covered up in blankets, and settled in to wait. LRRH arrived at the cottage and came into grannyís bedroom. She said, “Granny what big ears you have!” and the wolf replied “All the better to hear you with, my dear.” And so on with Granny’s eyes: “All the better to see you with, my dear, and teeth: all the better to eat you with, my dear.”

The wolf swallowed LLRH in one gulp and then fell asleep. A woodsman came by while the wolf was still asleep. The woodsman cut the wolf open with his ax and out popped Granny and LRRH. Then the woodsman, Granny, and LRRH all sat down by the fire and enjoyed cake and lemonade.

GOLDILOCKS AND THE THREE BEARS
Synopsis: A little girl named Goldilocks, goes for a walk in the forest and comes upon a house where she enters and finds to her delight three bowls of porridge. The first one she tastes is too hot, the next too cold but the third one just right so she eats it all up. Goldilocks finds the three different size chairs where she tries them out and finds the first one too hard, the next too soft, and then the little one just right but it breaks when she sits in it. As she wonders in the home she finds three beds and tries them out. The first bed is too hard, the next too soft but the third is just right and she curls up and falls asleep. Meanwhile the owners come home who happen to be three bears, Papa, Mama and little baby bear. Much to their demise they discover the outcome of what Goldilocks has done to their porridge, chairs and finally their beds. Goldilocks wakes with a fright when she sees and hears the bears; she jumps from the bed and runs away as fast as she can.

ABOUT WILLIAM SHATNER:

William Shatner
Yep. I’d do him in a heartbeat

William Shatner has notched up an impressive 50-plus years in front of the camera, most recently displaying comedic talent, and being instantly recognizable to several generations of cult television fans as the square-jawed Captain James T. Kirk, commander of the starship U.S.S. Enterprise. Shatner spent many years honing his craft in television and live theater before debuting alongside Yul Brynner in The Brothers Karamazov (1958). He was kept busy during the 1960s in films such as Judgment at Nuremberg (1961) and The Intruder (1962) and on television guest-starring in dozens of series such as Alfred Hitchcock Presents (1955), The Defenders(1961), The Outer Limits (1963) and Twilight Zone (1959). In 1966, Shatner boarded the USS Enterprise for three seasons of Star Trek (1966), co-starring alongside Leonard Nimoy, with the series eventually becoming a bona-fide cult classic with a worldwide legion of fans known as “Trekkies”.

After “Star Trek” folded, Shatner spent the rest of the decade and the 1970s making the rounds guest-starring on many prime-time television series, including Hawaii Five-O(1968), Marcus Welby, M.D. (1969) and Ironside (1967). He has also appeared in several feature films, but they were mainly B-grade (or lower) fare such as the embarrassingly bad Euro western White Comanche (1968) and the campy Kingdom of the Spiders (1977). However, the 1980s saw a major resurgence in Shatner’s career with the renewed interest in the original Star Trek (1966) series culminating in a series of big-budget “Star Trek” feature films including Star Trek: The Motion Picture (1979),Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan (1982), Star Trek III: The Search for Spock (1984),Star Trek IV: The Voyage Home (1986), Star Trek V: The Final Frontier (1989) and Star Trek VI: The Undiscovered Country (1991). In addition, he starred in the lightweight police series T.J. Hooker (1982) from 1982 to 1986, alongside spunky Heather Locklear, and surprised many fans with his droll comedic talents in Airplane II: The Sequel(1982), Loaded Weapon 1 (1993) and Miss Congeniality (2000).

He has most recently been starring in the David E. Kelley television series The Practice(1997) and its spin-off Boston Legal (2004).

 

ABOUT THE PRODUCERS OF TWISTED FAIRY TALES:
HuHa is brightly-coloured animated flipflappery for adults. And by that we mean it’s home to the tastiest comedy toons on YouTube – featuring animal assassins, crime-fighting butchers, appalling advice and shocking greetings cards to send your frenemies.

Want to see the super-duper-secret William Shatner Sex tape?  Well, there isn’t one!
But, you can see more fun features like these at Sssh.com – Sexy, Smart Erotic Entertainment For Women, Made By Women!

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