Sex, Chicken And British Celebrities I've Never Heard Of

If there’s one thing which underlines to her the extent to which Calico has fallen out of touch with pop and sex culture, it’s reading about foreign celebrities. Sure, a lot of foreign celebs are people many other Americans aren’t familiar with either, but at this point Calico doesn’t even know about the ones who are famous in America, too.

The good news is, this foreign-celeb-ignorance gives Calico the opportunity to learn new things — including the fact there are (or have been, at least) “boy bands” from Ireland. In fact, not only has Ireland produced a boy band successful enough to sell over 50 million albums, but one former member of that band is so into KFC chicken, a bucket of the stuff once prevented him from being seduced by another celebrity from the UK.

If that last sentence leaves you scratching your head, just imagine how celeb-culture-clueless Calico feels! Actually, you don’t have to imagine how she feels, because you can read all about it in her latest post, “Sex, Chicken and British Celebrities I’ve Never Heard Of.”

by Calico Rudasill, Sssh.com Porn For Women and Couples

As I’ve gotten older, I’ve paid progressively less attention to pop culture, celebrities and everything related to them. I suppose there’s nothing unusual about this; it seems like everybody eventually comes around to feeling out of touch with the tastes and fascinations of the generations which follow their own.

For example, I’m way more likely to acknowledge a Billy Ocean reference (I said get out of my dreams and get into my car – but I don’t remember saying anything about slamming the door once you’re in the passenger seat!) than a Frank Ocean reference. And who the fuck is Travis Scott, anyway?

As clueless as I am about celebrity culture in my own country, nothing makes me feel more out of touch – or say “WHO?” louder – than reading about foreign celebrities.

They Have “Boy Bands” In Ireland?

If there’s one musical genre about which I’ve never known a single thing (evidently), it’s the “boy band” phenomenon.

I’ve just never gone for the music of any of the boy bands I’ve heard, especially The Backstreet Boys, whose track “Everybody (Backstreet’s Back)” used to get stuck in my head to the point I considered performing a self-lobotomy on the off chance the procedure would forever rid me of that mental burden.

At any rate, among the innumerable things I didn’t know about boy bands before sitting down to write this post is that they have boy bands in Ireland, including one called Westlife, which apparently managed to sell 55 million records without me ever becoming aware of them.

I gather it has been almost seven years since this band broke up – but that doesn’t explain how or why a bucket of chicken prevented one of its former members from being seduced by an English reality TV star and former used car saleswoman.

If Someone Claims A Suitcase Full Of Money Prevented Them From Seducing Me, Can I Get A Similar Deal?

Apparently, Gemma Collins, another famous-in-Britain entertainer whose name makes me picture a mad scientist genetically splicing together a 16th Century scientist with a guy who feels it coming in the air at night, recently said a bucket of KFC chicken got in the way of her seducing Brian McFadden, the aforementioned former member of Westlife.

In response to this anecdote, the restaurant chain has provided McFadden with “a year’s free supply of KFC vouchers” – a gift about which the crooner said he’s “really pleased.”

“Of course, I’m going to use them,” McFadden said of his KFC vouchers. “They’re my favorite.”

That’s all well and good, but how did KFC get in the way of Collins’ attempted seduction of McFadden?

“I loved Westlife and Brian McFadden was the one who got away,” Collins said on an Irish show called Living with Lucy, on which celebrities, for some reason, let a woman named Lucy come live with them for a week. “He should have been mine.”

“Brian McFadden has been in this apartment,” Collins added. “I wanted to jump on him, but he had a bucket of KFC. That was not the reason I wanted to jump on him.”

Here’s what I’d like to know: McFadden is the one who got what he wanted that day, so why is KFC sending him chicken vouchers? Shouldn’t Collins be the one who gets a bonus of some kind? After all, she was the one who told the story and let the world know of McFadden’s love of KFC, thereby giving the brand free advertising.

This whole situation does give me an idea, though: I’m going to reach out to one of my many old male friends from college who wanted to fuck me but never got to, and tell them to go to the press with a story about how they were all set to jump on me when I visited their dorm room, but couldn’t because I was carrying a massive suitcase full of cash at the time.