Do You Cry After Sex? You’re Far From Alone
Do you ever cry after sex? If so, do you have an understanding of why you cry after sex?
It’s an experience Calico has had only a handful of times in her life (well OK, maybe two handfuls) and it has left her entirely mystified each time. It wasn’t something that happened during the encounter, it wasn’t regret or “buyer’s remorse” over stooping so low as to have sex with the fellow now lying there next to her — so what the hell was it?
While that particular mystery may never be unraveled, the good news is that researchers have been looking into the phenomenon of “post-coital dysphoria” and what they’ve learned makes Calico feel much better, even if it doesn’t address why she occasionally experiences PCD herself.
What is it the researchers discovered? Is crying after sex merely a “girl thing” as Calico’s dick of an older brother once put it? Find out in her new post, “Do You Cry After Sex? You’re Far From Alone.”
by Calico Rudasill, Sssh.com Sex Entertainment Movies For Women
Read on…
I’ll never forget the first time I cried after having sex – and occurrence which shocked me just as much as it did my then-partner, to be honest.
“What’s wrong?” he kept asking me, being just as nice and sensitive as I could ask a man to be. And the only answer I could muster was “I don’t know!”
Soon I felt guilty on top of whatever emotion it was driving my tears, because the poor guy clearly assumed he’d done something not just wrong during our encounter, but something fundamentally awful.
“Did I hurt you? Was I rough without realizing it?”
Those questions almost made me laugh through my tears at the time, because he was anything but an overly aggressive partner. If anything, I had to coax him into offering the sort of intense kissing, playful grappling and strong handsiness that I favor during sex.
So, what the hell were those tears of mine about, anyway? I never did figure it out – and I haven’t developed a meaningful clue stemming from the eight or ten other times it has happened since then, either.
What did help was finding out that my occasional experience crying after sex wasn’t particularly uncommon. One time, a male partner of mine damn near bawled his head off after sex – definitively blowing up the myth that crying after sex is simply a “girl thing,” as my not-so-helpful older brother once put it.
As it turns out, crying after sex isn’t just more common than I thought, it’s so common that researchers are starting to wonder if “post-coital dysphoria” (PCD), as the medical types call it, can even be accurately described as a “disorder.”
“Previous research has shown that post-coital dysphoria is a fairly common experience among women,” notes David Ludden for Psychology Today. “Several studies have shown that nearly half of all women have experienced PCD at least once in their life, 5-10 percent have experienced it within the last month, and a small number of women—about 2 percent of these interviewed—reported PCD on a regular basis. In other words, even when sex is consensual and otherwise experienced as pleasurable, it’s not unusual for women to experience sadness after orgasm.”
The researchers behind one such study had heard anecdotal evidence suggesting that the phenomenon was reasonably common among men, as well, so they set out to test that notion. Recruiting over 1200 survey participants, they inquired about the respondents’ experience with PCD and asked other questions designed to gauge factors the researchers believed might be associated with PCD, like psychological distress, past abuse and other sexual dysfunctions, like erectile dysfunction and low libido.
And wouldn’t you know it, what the researchers found was that “men in this study also reported experiences of post-coital dysphoria that were similar to those reported by women in previous studies.”
“41 percent of the men reported having experienced PCD at least once in their lifetime, and 20 percent of them said they had done so in the last month,” Ludden notes in his article. “In other words, PCD is a common experience for both men and women.”
Interestingly, of the related factors the researches came in believing to be associated with PCD, “only current psychological distress was strongly predictive of post-coital dysphoria,” Ludden writes.
“In other words, the men in this study most often experienced PCD when they were also feeling a lot of stress, anxiety, or depression in their life more generally,” Ludden adds. “The researchers point out that this is an important finding for therapists working with clients who suffer from PCD, as it suggests that a resolution of more general psychological issues may help alleviate PCD as well.”
While, I don’t feel like I’m any closer to understanding my own (very) occasional PCD than I was before, it still helps to know I’m far from alone in experiencing it – or alone in remaining somewhat mystified by its source.
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