Go Figure: The Bible Might Not Be the Best Source for Tips on Improving Your Sex Life
When you’re looking for advice on how to improve your sex life, where do you turn? Cosmopolitan and similar publications? A trusted friend? A licensed therapist? Things scrawled on the wall of public bathrooms, perhaps?
If you said “the Bible,” then…. well, then you and Calico look at the world very differently. While, sure, the Bible is filled with interesting parables and words in which a great many people take comfort, it just has never struck Calico as the go-to for tips on establishing a more fulfilling sex life.
As one author of a letter to The Guardian noticed, however, there may be something resembling sex-and-relationship advice in the Bible that is intended only for the book’s male readers, but which works out just as as a suggestion for women, as well.
– Calico Rudasill, Sssh.com Porn Movies for Women
READ ON…
Sadly, a great many of us have reason to complain about the quality of our sex lives. Even otherwise happy couples who love each other deeply often struggle to maintain a vibrant sex life, after all, finding it hard to keep the thrill alive as the years go by.
Thankfully, in the internet age, there’s roughly 700 billion sites, articles, blog posts and message board discussion threads people can turn to for advice on improving their sex lives. If you’re inclined to think institutions of illustrious academic reputation are the places to turn, Harvard Medical School has some tips for you.
If Harvard is a little stuffy for your tastes, but you still want some sense of ‘official legitimacy’ to inform your choice, there’s the likes of Psychology Today. And if you want to go a whole different direction, of course, there’s always Reddit.
And the Lord Said in the Bible “Let There Be Lube”
One potential source for sex advice that had never occurred to me, because I’m one of those godless heathens who was raised by parents who were also godless heathens, is the Bible, apparently.
I suppose I shouldn’t be too surprised some folks would turn to the Bible for sex advice – after all, how can you argue with the wisdom of a book that says you should cut a woman’s hand off if she grabs her neighbor’s genitals as a manner of conflict resolution? I mean, that’s just common sense!
Still, reading a letter to The Guardian from a self-professed “Christian polyandrist” does make me wonder why she’s surprised the Bible never recommended the practice.
“I was raised in a traditional evangelical home and my husband and I were virgins when we married,” the letter begins. “Every Christian marriage book and seminar had made it seem as though men always wanted sex and wives should submit to that. But my husband had a significantly lower libido. I was baffled and felt rejected.”
Note to self: Never attend a Christian marriage seminar – unless they advertise free fruit punch. (I’m a sucker for fruit punch.)
Owe No One Anything, Except to Love Each Other (And Maybe Your Ex, Too)
“After more than a decade of counseling, medication for depression, prayer and fighting, nothing seemed to solve this issue,” the letter continues.
I, for one, hope that she took at least a few sleep breaks somewhere in that decade. No matter how much medication you’re on, praying and fighting for over 10 years seems like it would really take a toll.
“My husband is wonderful, but this one issue left me feeling lonely, undesirable and depressed. Then an old friend approached me: he wasn’t in the headspace to be romantically involved with anyone but, like me, craved sexual intimacy. So, with my husband’s blessing, I am now engaging in polyandry: one woman, two men.”
The key phrase here, to me, is “with my husband’s blessing.” If it weren’t with his blessing, she’d just be cheating. But since she has his blessing, now we know with reasonable certainty her husband is Jerry Fallwell, Jr.
What’s Good for the Goose…
While I’m poking fun at this letter, I will also take a moment to highlight a good point made by its author: Lest we think the Bible’s reason for failing to recommend polyandry to women is a general opposition to the idea of having more than one spouse/lover, the Bible isn’t exactly shy about addressing the idea of men having many wives.
“The Bible does speak of polygamy, accepting that a man can have multiple wives or concubines – but not the other way around,” she notes, adding that she “won’t justify my actions in any religious context.”
“But I will say that this arrangement has done wonders for my physical and mental health,” the letter states. “I still have sex with my husband, and our relationship couldn’t be better. I am grateful.”
Well you know what they say: “Do unto others as you’d have your husband do unto you, if your husband were more into ‘doing unto’, if you catch my drift.”
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