About That Half-Naked Car Wash Guy: I Have Questions

by Calico Rudasill, Sssh.com Porn For Women
Among the many routine errands I don’t relish running, a trip to the car wash has always seemed like the most postpone-worthy. Dirty fenders don’t reduce gas mileage significantly, and given what a hunk of junk my old beater is in the first place, I’m beyond feeling embarrassed by its outward filth. I’ve cleared the cab of fast food wrappers and receipts; anything more than that will just have to wait until the next time I pick up my parents at the airport.

Read on…

Still, I hear lots of crazy, entertaining things happen at car washes these days, even ones not owned by Lenny Dykstra.

Just the other day, for example, a car wash in Pensacola was treated to a thrilling bit of half-naked performance art by one our nation’s cherished veterans. True, reviews of his performance were mixed, with some critics intrigued by the compelling arc of Charles William Raulerson’s presentation, while saying they would prefer not to have been threatened with a screwdriver.

He Should Have Used The Screwdriver On His Pants

According to the Pensacola News Journal, the whole episode began when the Escambia County Sheriff’s Office received a tip “that a naked man was standing in a car wash parking lot.”

OK, so it’s not exactly a bank robbery in progress, but one can still understand why the deputies in question responded with such alacrity: If this man wasn’t quickly stopped, he might have put himself through the car wash, potentially clogging up all sorts of sensitive equipment with pubic hair.

“When deputies arrived on scene, they reported they saw Raulerson, listed as ex-military, without pants on and blaring music from his vehicle,” the article continues.

Wait a minute, half-naked and blaring music? Are we certain this wasn’t just some sort of one-man frat party?

At any rate, the deputies naturally sought to resolve the more urgent portion of the situation – Raulerson’s pantlessness – as the first order of business. But when they asked Raulerson to put on his clothes, he informed the police “they took off running by themselves without me.”

On its face, this seems like an unlikely explanation. To be fair though, companies are churning out all sorts of unexpected “smart” devices these days, so perhaps we shouldn’t immediately dismiss Raulerson’s story as a fib.

However unusual, or even foolish, it may have been for Raulerson to take off his clothes in the parking lot of a car wash, it was one of his post-police-interaction decisions which has really set him up for added troubles.

“Deputies reportedly asked Raulerson to sit in his vehicle because he was naked,” reports the News Journal, “at which point Raulerson allegedly grabbed a screwdriver and threatened the officer.”

At the risk of sounding like a Monday morning quarterback, ol’ Charles really should have used the screwdriver to threaten his clothes into staying put. But hey, hindsight is 20-20, right?

Pensacola’s Naked Car Wash Patron Police Protocol In Need Of Review

I’m no expert on police procedure, but in reviewing the way the Pensacola deputies handled this situation, I’m left with some serious questions.

First and foremost, where did this pant-free fellow come up with a screwdriver with which to threaten the officer? Had it been hiding in a shirt pocket? Was it sitting in the back seat of his car? If he didn’t get the screwdriver from his car, was he concealing it in a…. umm…. “inmate-approved” location?

While we’re on the subject, why on earth did the cops have Raulerson sit in his own car rather than in the back of one of their patrol cars? Were they concerned about his hygiene and the prospect of unwanted ‘transfer’ to the seat cushions?

While I can certainly understand not wanting to let a sketchy-looking naked man sit in one’s car, as deputies I figure these guys probably don’t spend a lot of time in the back of cop cars (ideally, at least), so any soiling which resulted from detaining Raulerson would have been dealt with by the same poor suckers who are usually entrusted with cleaning out cop cars.

In any event, I hope the next time Pensacola deputies engage with a half-naked veteran cranking out jams in the parking lot of car wash, allowing him to sit in his own vehicle should be an option taken off the table – and the immediate location of any actively fleeing ‘smart clothes’ must be given higher priority.

After all, for all we know this guy’s pants are Russian, raising one final question: Has anybody seen a disembodied pair of trousers headed in the direction the White House?