Pro Tip: To Return to the Scene of the Crime, First You Must Leave the Scene of the Crime
“Criminals always return to the scene of the crime.”
This is a notion we often hear in shows, books and movies about criminal investigations. It’s not really true, of course (plenty of crimes are committed by people who never get the opportunity to return to the scene of their crime, for starters), but it’s something that does happen. Criminologists say it’s fairly common among arsonists, for example.
Now, Calico is no criminologist, but she does have a firm grip on the obvious. And one obvious thing she can say about criminals is that there are certain prerequisites to returning to a crime scene. In fact, she’s quite confident there’s at least one thing every criminal who has ever returned to a crime has done, without exception.
The story that got Calico thinking about this isn’t a major crime. We’re not talking about a serial killer who haunts the spots where he has ambushed or abducted victims, or an art thief who keeps targeting the same museum. In fact, the financial value of the item at the center of this crime is less than $50.
So, what is it that all criminals who return to the scene of their crimes have in common? Of what crimes does the Florida Woman at the heart of this story stand accused? Is it truly relevant that the dildo was pink?
Find out the answer to one of these questions right here in the very title of Calico’s latest post: “Pro Tip: To Return to the Scene of the Crime, First You Must Leave the Scene of the Crime”
by Calico Rudasill, Sssh.com, Erotic Indie Movies
Read on…
If you’ve ever watched one of the innumerable TV shows centered on crime or the investigation of crime, you’re no doubt familiar with the notion of perpetrator “returning to the scene of the crime.”
While it’s probably not as common a thing as a review of the Law and Order franchise history might lead us to believe, some criminals certainly do return to the scenes of their crimes on occasion, sometimes getting caught because of it – and sometimes inspiring head-shaking amusement of the “what the hell were you thinking?” variety due to the nature of their return to the scene.
I Don’t Think We’re Going to Need Columbo to Crack This One
I don’t know much about this tendency of some criminals, nor can I offer any insight into the psychology behind the drive to return to the scene of one’s misdeeds. I do know this much, though: In order to return to the scene of your crime, you must first leave the scene of that crime.
There’s another, even better reason to leave the scene of your crime, of course: If you don’t leave the scene and police ever arrive there, chances are pretty good that they’ll arrest you.
Sadly, these tips come too late for Theresa Stanley, who has now made her official bid to establish Florida Woman on the same footing as Florida Man.
“Records show employees at the store, which was not identified in an arrest report, called police Aug. 31 to report that 36-year-old Theresa Stanley had stolen a pink sex toy from a shelf, removed it from the packaging, took off her pants and began using it,” reports ClickOrlando.com.
Ok, I’ll concede that sounds bad, but I’d say the damaging impact of her alleged crime was mitigated somewhat but why the article reports next.
Sure, It’s Illegal – But is it Really “Theft”?
“Police said by the time they arrived, Stanley was completely nude and had moved to the stock room area to continue using the item.”
Look, I don’t mean to quibble over definitions too much here, but since she was still in the store when police arrived, did had she really “stolen” the pink sex toy, or was this more of an unauthorized “demo” situation?
Plus, she wasn’t making anybody watch her – or wasn’t doing so anymore by that point, at least. On the contrary, it sounds to me like Theresa had politely excused herself to another part of the store to continue her inspection of a product which had drawn her interest.
“She stopped using the item and dropped it to the ground when an officer walked in the room, according to the affidavit.”
Ok, so in addition to never taking the item out of the store, Theresa immediately surrendered it upon being confronted by law enforcement. Sounds like nothing a little misunderstanding, to me. Nothing to see here folks! (Well, nothing except maybe a recently used pink dildo sitting on a stock room floor, that is.)
Inspired by “Larceny”, I Propose a Solution!
Alas, if only the Fort Pierce Police Department had seen thins the same way I do!
“She was arrested on charges of indecent exposure and larceny.”
While the alleged crime may not fit my idea of “theft”, unfortunately for Theresa, it appears it does fit Florida’s definition of larceny.
In unfortunate situations like this one, I always find myself hoping something good will come out of them, some means of taking larceny lemons and turning them into lemonade, if you will. And in this case, I think I have the perfect suggestion to make that happen.
I think stores like the unidentified store in Fort Pierce at the center of this tragic tale should start offering “tester” dildos. In addition to helping to avoid the arrest of the world’s more assertive shoppers, like Theresa, this would enable all interested pleasure product customers to engage in a little try-before-you-buy product evaluation… an evaluation that, ideally, would not take place on the showroom floor or in the stock room.
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