Too Bad; Those Stones Would Have Looked Great with a Big Dildo Painted on One Side

Too Bad; Those Stones Would Have Looked Great with a Big Dildo Painted on One Side

For adult companies that want to promote their brands outside of the usual realm of adult entertainment, finding ‘mainstream’ venues willing to allow them to advertise can be very challenging. Even if your brand name, logo and everything else that’s immediately visible to the public isn’t explicit, you might find yourself getting rejected.

One recent example of this is particularly puzzling to Calico, in part because she thinks the event in question is in dire need of being spiced up a little — even if only by the presence of a logo that nobody would immediately assume to be associated with adult products.

Calico’s not even sure who the federation that rejected the logo were trying to avoid offending, or corrupting, or making uncomfortable, in making their decision. Is it possible that two non-offensive, nonexplicit, mundane, everyday words can magically become offensive, simply by putting them side by side in a stylized font?

What adult company logo was rejected and by whom? Would a hockey team make the same decision? What the hell is a “vice skip” anyway?

Read all about it in Calico’s new post, “Too Bad; Those Stones Would Have Looked Great with a Big Dildo Painted On One Side.”

– Calico Rudasill, Sssh.com

Read On…

As I’ve noted on several previous occasions, I’m not much of a sports person. I’ll sometimes watch what my husband leaves on, mostly to amuse myself with the histrionics he lapses into while watching his beloved Phoenix Suns as they let a lead slip away. 

“Another turnover?” he’ll shriek, burying his face in his hands. “TAKE CARE OF THE BALL, GODDAMMIT!”

If there’s one sport where my lack of knowledge truly stands out among the many sports about which I know nothing, it’s curling – which, until I watched the Winter Olympics for the first time some years back, I always thought was something people do with their hair.

I’m a Proper Lady; Please Keep Your Pebble Away from My Hog Line

When it comes to curling, I honestly don’t know a burned stone from a blank end – but intuitively, those terms sound kinda dirty to me. 

“Come on baby,” I can imagine myself seductively whispering to my husband, “give me that big burned stone deep in my blank end.”

As it turns out, though, a blank end is just “an end at which no points have been scored,” while a burned stone is a massive, throbbing penis. Wait, no – a burned stone is not a massive, throbbing penis. A burned stone is simply a “stone in motion touched by a member of either team, or any part of their equipment,” which then must be removed from play.

I guess those definitions make more sense in the context of a sport than what my brain cooked up as possibilities, but I must admit, I’d be a lot more likely to watch curling if my brain’s speculation had been correct.

Shocking: Two Words That Aren’t Shocking, Unless They’re Right Next to Each Other Like That

The reason curling is on my mind today is that I recently stumbled across a story I’d somehow missed earlier this month, about Dutch dildo sex toy company EasyToys being denied on-ice ads during an Olympic Qualification event, because “they were told that on-ice ads with the EasyToys name and nonexplicit logo were too much for the U.S. audience.”

“I’m not the right man to have an opinion what is normal in which country,” promoter Dagmar van Stiphout said, according to The Associated Press. “I think they’re also surprised, but it’s best to ask them.” 

If you look at the EasyToys logo, visible in the photo at the top of this article, it’s hard to imagine the logo itself being the problem. It’s just stylized text, after all. Presumably, the people worried about EasyToys are thinking that…. Hmm. Honestly, I don’t know what they were thinking. 

Maybe they were worried that curious young children – the vast majority of whom must be HUGE fans of curling – will see the logo, pluck their smartphones from their pockets, Google the brand name and be permanently scarred, warped, corrupted and otherwise ruined by becoming aware of the existence of sex toys.

Eric Idema, the director of EDC, the parent company of EasyToys, told NetherlandsNewsLive.com that he understood the decision by curling’s global federation, but that the company was nevertheless “also very disappointed that the curling association has misjudged this in the first place.”

“We hoped that our visibility would contribute to breaking the taboo that still rests in many countries on both sexuality and our industry,” Idema said. “It is unfortunate that dildo adjustments are now necessary to get the sport to the fans.”

It’s the 21st Century; Dildo Subtlety Gets You Nowhere

To me, the real problem with the logo is that it isn’t explicit. If I saw that name emblazoned on the ice, I’d assume the sponsor was some manufacturer of easily assembled toys, not a sex toy company.

Plus, I think those curling stones would look fantastic with a big dildo painted on the side. It needn’t be one of those hyper-realistic designs replete with bulging veins (although I’d prefer such), but something instantly recognizable as a sex toy would be a much more efficient means of communicating what their brand is all about, don’t you think?