Is There A 'Team I Don't Give A Shit' I Can Join?

Ever since the Twilight series asked people to choose sides in a conflict between a hunky young vampire and an equally hunky young werewolf, it seems like Team So-And-So vs. Team What’s-His-Face has become an official thing. From the sons of Frank Zappa to the Team Margaret vs. Team Elizabeth dilemma which faces fans of “The Crown,” everywhere you turn, someone is asking us to divide into teams.

sex and the city team

Calico is drawing the line at Team Sarah and Team Kim, staunchly proclaiming herself neutral (or, perhaps more accurately, staunchly uninterested) in the ongoing kerfuffle between former Sex and the City stars Sarah Jessica Parker and Kim Cattrall. Read all about it in her latest post, “Is There A ‘Team I Don’t Give A Shit’ I Can Join?” …

by Calico Rudasill, Porn For Women

Not long ago, my husband came home from a concert clutching a bright green t-shirt with “Team Dweezil” silkscreened on the front of it.

Team Dweezil?” I asked, already regretting I’d done so before the words had even finished leaving my mouth.

Twenty minutes later, I knew more about the ongoing conflict between Dweezil and his brother Ahmet than I do about what some of my relatives have been doing over the last 10 years – and considerably more than I wanted to know about either of them than I ever would have, if it were possible to interrupt my husband once he gets rolling on subject he cares about. In this case, which sits squarely at the intersection of Intellectual Property Law Street and Music of Frank Zappa Avenue, two of his favorite things to geek-out on, I never stood a chance.

I don’t know if it started with the Twilight series and the Team Whathisname vs Team Whosit marketing hullabaloo associated with those movies, or if it started before then, but I find the whole “team” thing quite irritating as a construct – and never more so when the underlying conflict is something I just cannot bring myself to give a shit about. Like, say, the feud between Sarah Jessica Parker and her Sex and the City co-star, Kim Cattrall.

It Was A Cute Show, But…

Don’t get me wrong, I liked Sex and the City. I thought it was a cute, reasonably well-written and funny show. I wouldn’t say I was ever a super-fan (I’ve never seen the movies made after the HBO show was no more, for example), but I enjoyed it as a bit of not-quite-mindless entertainment.

It’s just that outside of things which really matter, like allegations of sexual misconduct, or other forms of hideous assholism which just can’t go unremarked, I don’t much care about the private lives or the off-screen interpersonal relationships of cast members from any show.

So, when Cattrall was asked to explain why she didn’t sit with her three co-stars at the 2004 Emmy Awards, I thought her response was just fine.

“Are we the best of friends? No,” Cattrall said. “We’re professional actresses. We have our own separate lives.”

Of course, we live in a celebrity-obsessed culture, so a remark like that is never going to be interpreted as anything other than “shots fired!” by the media, which in turn stokes the fires of fans, who then fell compelled to take a side – in a conflict which has nothing to do with them, involving people they’ll never meet.

I’m With “Mr. Big”

Speaking of people who starred on Sex and the City, so far the response to questions about the Cattrall and Parker feud with which I can most relate is the one offered by Chris Noth, who played Mr. Big.

(Full disclosure: to the extent I’ve ever had a “celebrity crush” in my life, it was on Noth, back during his run as Detective Mike Logan on the original Law & Order. Raaawwrrr!)

Asked by TMZ (in the context of one of its always charming sidewalk-ambush interviews) for his take on the Parker-Cattrall feud, Noth said nothing, slowly rolled up the window of the livery car he was riding in then receded into the night.

Well played, Mr. Noth, well played.

For Fuck’s Sake, Can’t She Be Friends With BOTH Of Them?

Now, Vanity Fair wants to know whether Cynthia Nixon has taken a side in the dispute, because she posted this picture and comment to Instagram.

News flash, Vanity Fair: It’s possible to be friends with two people who don’t like each other. I’ve been in this position, many times, over the years. In fact, I’m currently friends with two women who cannot be in the same room with each other, the hate between them is so palpable.

Yes, they’re both being silly, and sure, neither of them has done anything so awful to the other it should be beyond them to reconcile – but I’m done trying to mediate between them. Maybe, just maybe, Nixon feels the same way about Cattrall and Parker.

It’s downright Unamerican, I know, but sometimes, you don’t have to choose a side. Sometimes, you can be on neither.

But don’t tell that to my husband – who I’m sure would be more than happy to give me an insanely long update on why Ahmet is still an unmitigated prick and Dweezil is clearly in the right, were I foolish (and bored) enough to ever ask again about that feud.

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