One traditional way that parents around the world have scared their teenage sons away from having sex has been to tell them that vaginas have teeth. Vagina dentata (Latin for toothed vagina) describes a cautionary myth in which a woman’s vagina is said to contain teeth, with the associated implication that sexual intercourse might result in injury or castration for the man.
But, there’s a new twist on an ancient tale:
Male skinny-dippers in Scandinavia are being warned about a fish infamous for munching on testicles!
That’s right, readers. A new arrival to Danish and Swedish waters has a penchant for going after the exposed nuts of men who venture into the water without their swimming trunks.
What is this scary Colossoma that has invaded their generally friendly (albeit cold) waters from exotic foreign waters? The Pacu. Native to South America, was found by a fisherman in the Danish/Swedish strait of Oresund, according to experts at the Natural History Museum of Denmark.
Let’s take a peek at what one looks like…..
With that threat of non-elective genital modification in mind, Danish and Swedish authorities are warning skinny dippers about the Pacu, a fish similar to the piranha that really enjoys cracking nuts with its strong jaws. They’ve also been known to mistake testicles for something nice and crunchy, and they’re strong enough to take off a finger.
Fisherman discovered the horrifying little creature, which is native to South America, in the Danish/Swedish strait of Oresund, CNN reports. The Pacu can grow to 55 pounds, has giant teeth and looks angry, but is usually. That is, until it sees a testicle. Though the fish has big teeth and looks menacing, it is generally known as a friendly cousin of the piranha. The Pacu’s large teeth aren’t as sharp as the piranha’s but are “fully capable” of severing fishing lines and fingers, the museum’s experts said. Thankfully, the HUGE Pacu is vegetarian, unlike it’s meat-eating cousin.
Just how the exotic fish ended up in Scandinavian waters is a bit of a mystery, the museum said. “Amateur aquarium owners and fish farmers are “the usual suspects” when we meet fish where they do not belong,” said the museum’s Peter Rask Moller. Museum experts said they are going to perform a genetic examination on the Pacu found in the fisherman’s nets to learn more about the fish.
Meantime, the advice of the museum’s experts is this: “Anyone choosing to bathe in the Oresund these days had best keep their swimsuits well tied.”
The Paku has also invaded Lake Lou Yaeger in Illinois, Father afield, locals in Papua New Guinea say they have firsthand knowledge of a fatal testicle bite. Two fisherman are said to have died of blood loss after a Pacu chomped off their testicles, according to Metro. That said, such attacks are uncommon.
Just when you thought it was safe to go back into the water, guys. Cover up your junk, guys!
But, wait. There’s More!
After finishing up this post, I got curious about the topic at the top of this story, “Vagina dentata”, so did a bit of searching around for more information about this rather odd folk myth. It turns out, that in extremely rare circumstances, it actually possibly exists! Vaginas with TEETH? Take a look at the interview below with a woman that claims she has this, backed up by her OB/GYN and loving husband as witnesses. This is either one of the more heartfelt stories of the year worthy of Oprah coverage, or one of the most clever hoaxes ever created for a YouTube video. You decide, but this all sounds a little “fishy” to me!
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