Sex Exercise Humor – Isn’t There A Pill I Can Take, Instead?

Sex Exercise Humor – Isn’t There A Pill I Can Take, Instead?

While she’s not a complete lump, Calico is the first to admit she’s not exactly a fitness junkie. She doesn’t do yoga, hasn’t set foot in a gym in years and has been known to get short of breath walking to and from the mailbox at the end of her driveway.

Still, Calico is always on the lookout for ways to improve her sex life, so she’s been reading about exercises that are said to enhance sex. So far, she’s not having much luck though, because it turns out that most exercises, even the easy ones, involve physical exertion. Plus, she’s now totally hung up on the very word “Kegel” — which is allegedly a manner of exercise, but sounds to Calico more like something she’d see in a bin next to the crullers at Dunkin Donuts. 

Will Calico find the right ‘sexercise’ for her? Does anybody really know how to do a Kegel? Is there any exercise benefit to attending “keggers”? Does typing rhetorical questions burn calories? These and other mysteries are explored in Calico’s latest screed, “Isn’t There A Pill I Can Take, Instead?”

sex exercise humor

by Calico Rudasill, Porn Movies For Women and Couples

There was a time in my life, many years ago, when I exercised regularly. Granted, I didn’t have a lot of choice in the matter, because I attended grammar, middle and high schools where physical education classes were required and the only way out of them was to bring a note from your parents and doctors excusing you from participating in PE.

That was just never going to happen because my doctors, who also happened to be my parents, simply were not bribable – not with the kind of money I earned from babysitting for the neighbors, at least.

At any rate, the reason I bring up exercise is that while I’m willing to try all sorts of things in pursuit of a better sex life, the hardest of those tips for me to follow are the ones which involve exercise.

I’ll Take a Bear Claw, Two Fritters and One of Those Kegels Exercise Everyone Raves About 

There’s all sorts of advice out there about exercises that facilitate better sex, like squats, thrusts, lunges, push-ups and many other things that sound like way too much effort. 

And then there’s “Kegels,” which sound to me like a variety of doughnut, but which apparently are “recommended for both women and men to strengthen the pelvic floor and avoid incontinence.” I’ll admit, I do want to avoid incontinence during sex, but so far that hasn’t been a problem, no matter how many jelly-filled Kegels I eat.

One allegedly sex-enhancing workout I stumbled across is a six-step process that involves planking for 20 seconds, doing something called a “glute bridge” 15 times, 10-15 jump squats, some of those aforementioned Kegels, a round of push-ups and then, to finish things off, a “pigeon pose” one holds for 1 minute on each side.

Is a pigeon pose anything like that rad crane kick Ralph Macchio did in The Karate Kid? Probably not, right? 

I guess it doesn’t matter; I don’t want to try doing that, either.

You Had Me at “Doesn’t Require Exercise Stamina…”

The most recent sex exercise advice I’ve come across promises to offer “15 Moves to Get Your Blood Flowing to All the Right Places” – which sounds like at least 12 moves too many for my tastes, but l should at least give their tips a fair hearing.

Early on, the post quotes clinical sexologist Megan Stubbs as saying there are “plenty of pleasurable sexual activities and sex positions that don’t require a ton of strength, mobility, or stamina that are still intimate and orgasmic.”

I must say, this is the first good news I’ve read in any of these sexercise posts, so now they’ve got my attention.

The next section of the post is about “exercises that strengthen the pelvic floor” – which sounds promising, in that while I don’t know what a pelvic floor is, exactly, it certainly doesn’t sound like something I’d want to weaken and give out, especially in the middle of a sexual encounter.

…But You Lost Me at “Stop Your Urine Stream”

But then, just when I thought we were getting somewhere, there it is again – that Kegel word.

“According to Sara Reardon (aka The Vagina Whisperer), a doctor of physical therapy and owner of NOLA Pelvic Health in New Orleans, more than 50 percent of people are doing Kegels wrong,” the article reports.

On the bright side, since I’ve never done Kegels at all, I can’t be one of those people who is doing them wrong. On the not-so-bright side, I have a feeling this article is about to tell me how to do a Kegel properly.

“The next time you’re on the toilet, try to stop your urine stream and then restart it. If you can do that, congrats — you just did a Kegel,” the article continues.

You know what? I’m just going to stop right there. I mean, I came here for sexercise advice and now I’m worries somewhere in the next few paragraphs, this is going to turn into cardio training combined with watersports – and that is just not my thing.

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