Sex At Work: My Work-From-Home Benefits Package Is Missing the ‘Package’ Part

Sex At Work:  My Work-From-Home Benefits Package Is Missing the ‘Package’ Part

– Calico Rudasill, Sssh.com porn movies for women

As someone who had been working from home for many years prior to the start of the COVID-19 pandemic, it has been interesting to hear from people for whom the pandemic marked their first real experience with remote work.

If you go looking for articles on remote work, you’ll quickly find plenty to choose from outlining the advantages and disadvantages of working from home, arguments in favor of employers offering workers the option and arguments against the same.

As is my wont, I’m going to focus on one of the more overlooked positives to working from home – and then complain bitterly and at length about how this positive aspect hasn’t worked out as well for me as it should.

Beds Typically Are More Comfortable Than Conference Tables and Bathroom Stalls

First, let’s address the oft-overlooked benefit to which I refer: Working from home, theoretically at least, makes the lunchtime quickie a much easier to execute maneuver.

The reasons for this are legion and obvious. If you work at an office, or in a warehouse, while it might be possible to slip away into a nearby supply closet, storage room or executive parking space to knock boots with a coworker, it’s also a very high risk move. All it takes is one of your coworkers running out of staples and – boom! – off comes the top on your secret workplace romance.

To be clear, even if you happen to be out of the (supply) closet about your workplace romance and you’re openly dating a coworker, this doesn’t mean you can just have a quick shag on the premises with no worries. Outside of a few, highly unusual workplaces, something tells me the boss might still frown upon you leaving behind bodily fluids on the company’s stacks of post-it notes and such.

If you work from home, slipping away for a quickie is mostly a matter of coming up with an excuse to be away from the keyboard – which, provided you’re willing to sacrifice your lunch hour, is as easy as typing “stepping away for lunch, back soon.”

Even On a Legit Break, It Takes Two To Tango

There’s a catch here, of course: If you work from home alone, while your partner is off dealing with tangled network cables, or flipping greasy burgers, or clandestinely assassinating heads of state while pretending to be a milquetoast accountant, or whatever it is your partner does for a living, then you’re probably not going to be having much more sex while working from home than you did while working in an office right across the hall from your very nosey, very attentive boss.

Which brings us to the part where I complain bitterly.

By all rights, as someone who has worked from home since around the midpoint of Obama’s second term, I figure I should have amassed at least a thousand lunchtime quickies by now – maybe two thousand, depending on my husband’s stamina, recovery time and tolerance for friction burns on the head of his penis.

But noooooo, Mr. Someone-Has-To-Pay-The-More-Expensive-Bills-Around-Here has decided that just because he feels some irrational, neurotic, possibly pathological need to avoid abject poverty, he’s going to be “out in the field” the entire time his employers pay him to be.

Granted, he does come home for lunch twice a week and his diet on those days generally does consist primarily of my genital region. But I’ve been around long enough to know that two out of five is less than five out of five – and by my count, there are five weekdays, which means I’m receiving 150% less lunchtime pleasure than I should be.

(OK, my math there might not be perfect, but in my defense, this is emotional math, which is quite different from standard math.)

Additional Questions for Consideration

If you’re weighing the pros and cons of working from home and the convenience of lunchtime sex is part of your equation, be sure to ask yourself these questions in crafting your analysis: 

– Does my partner also work from home?

– If not, does my partner work close to home?

– Is my partner good at offering excuses to his boss?

– Does my partner have enough money saved up at this point that he should really just retire and stay home to be my lunchtime fuck toy, if and when I need him?

If you answered yes to any of those questions, then working from home just might be for you!

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