Not A Nude Beach, Yet Penises Are Everywhere

Not A Nude Beach, Yet Penises Are Everywhere

When you’re walking on the beach in California, you never know what you might find, but penises? Rollerblading guys playing the tuba, a guy on a bike blaring gospel music while live snakes hang from his neck, a mobile fortuneteller who works out of a small metal trailer — Cali beaches offer it all.

Even knowing that you can run into just about anything on a California beach not be enough to prepare you for what some beachcombers discovered at their feet during a recent visit. 

Was it ancient treasure from a wrecked pirate ship? A pair of priceless custom sneakers made by DMC Kicks? The corpse of Jimmy Hoffa on the opposite coast from where one might expect?

No, it was stranger than any of those things. For the big reveal, read Calico’s new post, “It’s Not A Nude Beach, Yet Penises Are Everywhere.”

by Calico Rudasill, Sssh.com Erotic Movies and Entertainment For Women and Couples

On the beaches in California, you can find a lot of weird stuff. Venice Beach is particularly famous for its oddities, including guys biking around blaring gospel music while wrapped in their pet snakes, or the famous Tin Can Tarot, where you can get your fortune told by a woman who says she’s a “Toltec Knight” (which is something one can learn to be, apparently?)

There’s lots of other strange things to be found on California beaches, from the Mushroom House on Blacks Beach to the Golden Dog Man of Fort Funston Beach to thousands of what look like disembodied, uncircumcised penises.

Wait, what?

Just As I Always Suspected: California’s Beaches Are Full Of Dicks!

Those things that look like penises aren’t really penises, of course – they’re “fat innkeeper” worms. 

It’s a name that makes me wonder what the innkeeper who inspired the name did to the person who so dubbed these phallic creatures. Maybe she or he just couldn’t bring themselves to call the animals “cock worms,” or thought the Latin name, urechis caupo, sounded too much like a sexually-transmitted disease to allow it to be commonly associated with things that looks so much like dicks.

At any rate, apparently the beaches of California are absolutely teeming with dick-fish all the time, but since the critters burrow beneath the ground, we all tend to walk about in our sandals there, blissfully ignorant of the army of impostor trouser snakes buried just beneath our toes.

According to the eggheads at BayNature.org, the urechis caupo is the sole representative of the Urechidae family in North America, “found only from Southern Oregon to Baja, with the bulk of sightings between Bodega Bay and Monterey.” As the folks from BayNature see it, the caupo have a strong claim on being California’s “State Worm” – a designation that currently belongs to Harvey Weinstein.

OK – I must admit, that last joke was totally out of line on my part. Worms do not deserve to be disparaged by equating them to the likes of Weinstein. After all, worms play an important role in the planetary ecosystem, while Harvey Weinstein is…. well, Harvey Weinstein.

The Cat’s Ass Omelet Is Highly Recommended, As Well

Lest you think all the dick-fish penises are good for is burrowing under the sand, or occasionally emerging to give beach combers the giggles, it turns out in some corners of the world, they’re considered good eating. Take South Korea, for example, where you can apparently find barrels of the things for sale in fish markets.

Now, you might assume that when offering them for sale as food, the vendor would avoid calling attention to the phallic look of the fat innkeeper worm – but you’d be wrong, because the South Koreans call them “gaebul,” which reportedly translates to “dog dick.”

Oh sure, that’s appetizing. What; the name “penis fish” was already taken by the little stringy things I find in my chueotang?

In any event, I’m not making or serving anything called “dog dick” – until or unless my mother-in-law comes over for dinner. In that case I’ll not only proudly serve dog dick penises, I’ll dish it up right beside some cock-a-leekie soup and a plate of Crunky Nude Ball – and perhaps a heaping serving of Finger Marie for dessert.