I found a really great article on Sssh.com talking about the differences that exist between what men and women fantasize about. I mean when you think about it, we already know that different things will turn males and females on so you have to wonder how different out everyday fantasies are. It was so good that I decided to post it here for you all to see. And to prove to you, that Sssh is about so much more than just porn for women and couples!
It may not surprise you to know that men’s and women’s sexual fantasies differ greatly (and I am not just talking about the most obvious difference of gender). Since fantasy is not affected by a partner’s opinion or any fear of social reprisal, people are free to imagine behaviors they would never act out in real life. In general, men’s fantasies tend to be less plausible and often more taboo than women’s fantasies. Of course it goes without saying that many women’s fantasies are romantic in nature, but it is also true that women enjoy imagining themselves behaving in aggressively sexual ways.
Many studies have been done analyzing the sexual fantasies of men and women, most commonly through anonymous interviews or anonymous written narratives. Anonymity is a key factor in allowing people to feel comfortable exploring what might seem like extreme or bizarre behavior under ordinary circumstances. But in having no fear of judgment, people can let their minds wander and their fantasies can become very explicit and detailed.
One study mentioned at www.healthyplace.com suggests that a number of themes are common in sexual fantasies and that some are gender-specific.
By far the most common fantasy enjoyed by men was that of group sex or having sex with two or more women at the same time. (This will come as no surprise to those of who have been with men who keep hinting about “three-ways” with your friends.) Twice as many men as women who were surveyed reported having this fantasy.
The next most common fantasy involves voyeuristic or fetishistic elements. In other words, watching or being watched; or some unusual costume, prop or behavior that takes the fantasy out of the realm of “normal” sex (whatever that is). Among men and women, this type of fantasy was more than twice as common among men than women. This is not surprising given that most erotic or pornographic literature portrays women in costume: lacy lingerie, garter belts and black fishnet stockings, leather, or clothing that suggests a particular occupation or role (like a nurse, schoolgirl, vampire, or police woman). As an interesting aside, visual and fetish elements are also common in male homosexual porn and erotica: obviously this type of literature plays upon the common fantasies of its audience.
Another characteristic more common to male sexual fantasies is the specific description of a woman’s appearance: age, hair color, breasts, and specifics about her body and face. For some reason women’s fantasies about men do not tend to be as descriptive (maybe because we also prefer the romance of doing it in the dark?); but this also speaks to the more visual content of male fantasies. Female sexual fantasies are more narrative: they often contain elaborate descriptions of a specific setting or place, like the beach or a mountain cabin, and often contain a “plot”, whereas men can conjure up a specific face and body and not need too much more to get off on.
Perhaps not surprisingly, women’s fantasies are more likely to involve their current partner or men they have been intimate with, whereas men tend to fantasize about strangers or acquaintances most often. This is not to say that women do not fantasize about having sex with strangers, just that it is far less common than it is with men. These sorts of fantasies address our desire to be seductive and attractive to others, and also allow us to “live dangerously” by throwing ourselves into an unfamiliar intimate situation with someone we know little to nothing about. For men, fantasizing about an acquaintance allows them to explore a latent attraction without the repercussions such a liaison might bring about in “real life.” For women, this sort of fantasy allows us to engage in what would normally be seen as very risky or harmful behavior.
Which brings us to another area often explored in fantasy: the use of force, or rape fantasies. This is actually more common among women than men: according to the results of the study mentioned, women fantasize more about being forced by men to have sex, than men fantasize about forcing a woman. Some men fantasize about being “raped” by a woman or women, or about being completely sexually submissive. (Sado-masochistic fantasies were next on the list for frequency among men and women–again, men had them more often than women). Discussing or admitting such fantasies can be controversial. In my work as a dispatcher for a phone sex company some years ago, the employees talked about the fact that some men ask before they begin the phone call if there is a girl available who would be willing to do a rape fantasy. Apparently they asked first because they had run into difficulty just letting this arise spontaneously during the call.
One unexpected finding is that there is a big difference in how men and women translate fantasy into reality. For men, the possibility of acting upon any of their fantasies was seen as very remote. But for women, there was very little difference between the idea of imagining a behavior and performing it. Also, men who fantasized about having sex with lots of different women were usually single and unattached, or not having very regular sex. In other words, the more active fantasy life indicated a less active sex life. But for women, their fantasies tended to be more frequent and detailed if they were already in a satisfying sexual relationship.
In general, men’s sexual fantasies are more “active” than women’s, whose fantasies tend to be “passive.” In other words, in their fantasies, men like to see themselves doing things, while women like to have things done to them. But it is also interesting that women tend to create a more complete “picture” in their fantasies, creating detailed settings and scenarios; whereas for men, they tend to only need a detailed picture of the person or persons. This may be related to why men tend to prefer visual forms of erotica and porn, and women prefer verbal/written erotica and porn.
If you have ever wondered what your partner fantasizes about, or how your sexual fantasies differ from those of other women, maybe some of these findings have given you something to think, or fantasize, about…
So there you have it! Once again I have to say just how much I love the fact that this site is obviously made by females who understand that the ideal porn site for women must contain more than just porn in it. From my own experiences I would have to agree with the article but feel free to leave me comments and tell me if you agree or disagree!
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