Jesus! A Jesus Sex Fantasy?

by Coleen Singer at

Jesus! I have NO IDEA how this old hymn got stuck in my head today, but it’s there – playing over and over and over.

One of the things I did before becoming a porn commentator and producer was, for almost 20 years, I was a church choir director.

Among many humorous stories, like the Baptist minister with the sign on his desk – “I love humanity. It’s the people I can’t stand, was the ongoing frustration from preachers, to choir members and even the organist, that songs like “The Rose” and “In The Garden” had no biblical reference and should be avoided during Sunday services and weddings.

jesus fucking

If we take a look at “In The Garden” (Charles A. Miles, 1913), I get their point. Nuns have been doing it for 600 years as the “Bride To Jesus”. Mormons are simply confused.  Muslims? Let’s leave that alone as Allah doesn’t seem to have sex.

Onward Christian Soldiers!

In The Garden Lyrics…

Verse 1:
I come to the garden alone,
While the dew is still on the roses,
And the voice I hear falling on my ear
The Son of God discloses.

And He walks with me, and He talks with me,
And He tells me I am His own;
And the joy we share as we tarry there,
None other has ever known.

Read on… 

Verse 2:
He speaks, and the sound of His voice
Is so sweet the birds hush their singing,
And the melody that He gave to me
Within my heart is ringing.

And He walks with me, and He talks with me,
And He tells me I am His own;
And the joy we share as we tarry there,
None other has ever known.

Verse 3: 
I’d stay in the garden with Him,
Though the night around me be falling,
But He bids me go; through the voice of woe
His voice to me is calling.


Let’s take a peek at a performance, this one by Canadian superstar of the 1980s, Anne Murray (who blames her fixation on the song on her mom)…..

Anne Murray, singer of many great hits of the 1980s (I looked Love At Both Sides Now, I Say A Little Prayer For you), I bow at your feet for sexually worshiping our Lord and Savior, Jesus!

Oh. You didn’t realize. NEVER MIND!

Me? Now, although a once upon a time ordained Minster of Music from Westminster Choir College, I see the clergy’s point.  This reads more like some sort of submissive sex in the traditional BDSM scene than a hymn to sing with Aunt Gertie on Sunday morning.

He. Him…
Cap code in BDSM to refer to the Master.

An interesting word with an interesting past.  To “Tarry” today means to “linger”, but in the 19th century, it was also a code word “to have sex while lingering”.  Sort of like “musing” these days means “intellectual pondering” but in the 17th century meant “masturbating”.

So, did Charles A. Miles way back in in 1901 have the Kinky Sex Gene?
Alas, probably not, but he sure wrote a lot of hymns!

Conclusion, if any?

Over the millennia, Christians have had at least some sort of female sexual being (Mary Madeline).  Jews have Ruth and a host of other strong female leads for sexuality. Hindi has everything from a multi-armed crittter to a horny elephant Goddess. Sadly, Islam is till castrating women and stoning them in the street. Wicca is, well, fucking nicely.

Thoughts welcome on this “when worlds collide”topic! What say you?



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