– Calico Rudasill, Sssh.com
Generally speaking, I loathe so-called “reality television” in all its forms. From the mild-hardships-with-an-ever-present-safety-net of Survivor to the dreadful pop star wannabe crooning on American Idol and the seemingly endless number of carbon-copy, overblown national talent shows that its success has spawned, I’m about as likely to gouge my own eyes out with a Dijon-encrusted KFC spork as watch four seconds of that transparently staged tripe.
There’s word of a new reality show out of Japan, however, that might just inspire me to park my papasan in front of the flat-screen for an hour at a time:
ORGASM WARS!
The basic gist of Orgasm Wars is that they bring in a straight male porn star to have his cock sucked by another man. After establishing their rivalry through some good-natured shit talking, the competition begins – presumably with a bit of face-and-family-honor-saving seppuku to follow for the loser (or so one hopes). Spoiler Alert: The gay man wins, which is not really a surprise when you consider that straight men manage to get themselves off by fucking everything from unnervingly realistic sex dolls to particularly slutty loaves of bread.
Beyond the obvious appeal of the erotic tension created by the gay man/straight man pairing, and the always-welcome visual spectacle of man-on-man action (news flash guys: that shit just does it for a lot of us ladies, although I’m not sure I can explain why), the best part of Orgasm Wars is the immense potential for expanding the franchise within the American market.
OK, so the original Orgasm Wars was more of a one-off late night TV skit than an actual reality TV show; that’s no reason why an American production company can’t do what it does best, by co-opting the concept and turning it into a series, complete with several spin-offs and recombinant reality show derivatives, like “Ghost Orgasm Wars,” “America Has Orgasms,” or best of all “Celebrity Orgasm Wars.”
Celebrity Orgasm Wars has all sorts of potential, from making Alec Baldwin withstand a blowjob from some paparazzo cocksucker to seeing if having Martin Bashir piss and shit in her mouth makes Sarah Palin cum! Hell, we might even be able to settle some long-running celebrity feuds in a way that would drive ratings through the roof. I’m not sure who would be the sucker and who the suckee, but I am dead sure I’m not the only one who likes the sound of a Russell Crowe vs. George Clooney Orgasm War. Bring in Leonardo DiCaprio, and you’d have the Orgasm War trifecta of perfection!
Sure, the Standards and Practices departments at a lot of networks would probably flip the fuck out over Orgasm Wars, even if it was filmed using the same view-obscuring wooden blowjob box employed by the original, and some advertisers might be a bit shy about sponsoring a competitive sex show, but if the creators stuck with the gay themes, it might just fly over at Bravo….
Calico Rudasil is a feature columnist for Sssh.com, the web’s original erotic site for women by women. With over 16 years’ experience of writing about and for the adult entertainment industry under her belt, Calico qualifies as something of a Web Porn Dinosaur; similar to a tyrannosaurus, only with far more attractive arms and a less pronounced overbite.
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