– Calico Rudasill, Sssh.com Porn For Women
If it seems like there’s a new porn-related stat reported by some media outlet with each passing day, it’s probably because there IS a new porn-related stat reported by some media outlet with each passing day.
Whether it’s highly questionable information about porn industry revenues which cite no source in particular, any number of claims made by the marketing “data analysis” crew over at Pornhub or claims about the percentage of divorces in which porn is listed among the root causes of the split, media consumers everywhere love a good porn stat – or writers, editors and producers believe they do, at least.
Read on…
Sometimes these stats can be hard to square with other stats we hear reported. For example, how can all three of the following things be true: One, there’s more porn easily available now (I don’t think many people would argue the contrary), two porn is has become a leading cause of divorce and three, the overall divorce rate is falling, as it has been for the last few decades?
The easy answer, of course, is that all three of the above cannot be true at the same time. Personally, my hunch is what’s really at issue is more people are citing porn as a cause in their divorce, which is not quite the same thing as porn “causing” divorces – and clearly not the same thing as porn causing an increase in the rate, since by all available measures, the divorce rate continues to decline.
Other porn stats are not such a mystery, so long as you pay attention and connect the dots. It was recently reported, for example, a survey commissioned by the security firm Blue Coat Systems revealed that among the eleven countries from which survey respondents hailed, China was the one in which the highest percentage of respondents admitted to watching porn while on the clock.
This factoid has a lot of people scratching their heads; why would roughly twice as many Chinese workers (19%) watch porn compared to English (9%) workers?
The theories I’ve seen range from speculation China doesn’t do as much to block and scrub mobile networks as fixed ones, so Chinese porn fans are surreptitiously using their phones to take advantage of the relatively light mobile oversight. By all accounts, though, the Chinese mobile networks are just as heavily regulated and redacted as the fixed ones, so this theory doesn’t get too far.
I think I have a much simpler explanation, however: These Chinese workers are watching porn at work simply because that’s what they get paid to do.
In the WAPO article linked above, it’s reported one four-man team “watched more than 700 pornographic DVDs from beginning to end” in a single week. At 175 DVDs per man, that’s one hell of a porn-heavy week.
Given that the rationale for paying bureaucrats to watch porn is furthering the government’s decency-regulation of China’s not-so-free-market system, you can bet your bottom Yuan similar teams of increasingly blue-balled Chinese men are poring over hour upon hour of online porn, as well – and unwittingly skewing Blue Coat’s workplace porn-watching numbers in the process.
Far from being corporate time wasters or inefficient slugs, these teams of indecency investigators are a model of professional commitment – albeit an involuntary, at-the-point-of-a-gun kind of commitment.
“When you’re in this job, even if you don’t want to watch anymore, you have to keep watching closely,” said Liu Xiaozhen, a 70 year-old who works for the Hunan Office Against Pornography and Illegal Publications.
[This video somewhat touches on the topic, but was included here to illustrate just how BADLY news anchorman hairpieces can go all wrong!]:
On the bright side, it sounds like some of the porn Liu and his coworkers are forced to watch in Hunan’s Little Sweatshop of Censorship might be pretty decent, if Liu’s physical reaction to watching them is any indication.
“My face and ears often turned red, and my heart would often skip a beat,” Liu said, although to be fair, this might have something to do with the entire staff being required to watch porn in the same office.
Granted, even if I’m right about why China tops the pornographic edition of Blue Coat’s Behaving Badly list, employers in Mexico (10%), the UK, Korea (8%) and India (7%) might want to take a closer look at how their employees are spending their time, and/or make an effort to push the percentage down to the respectable (by which of course I mean American) level of a mere 5%.
Actually, now that I think about it more, someone really needs to get the U.S. Congress on the case here, maybe even call in a special prosecutor to find out why the U.S. is lagging so far behind its peers in workplace pornography-consumption.
After all, it used to be the only place where it was OK for China, France, the UK and India to finish ahead of the U.S. was on a soccer field – but now that we’ve seen the kind of resentment and litigious lashing out decades of playing second-fiddle on the pitch has produced, I think we can all agree this discrepancy needs to be addressed before someone indicts half the leadership of the Federation Internationale Du Pornografia….
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